Brah, it sounds to me like you have a simple case of buyer's remorse and your anxiety toward commitment is a result of a combination of said buyer's remorse and cognitive dissonance.
I don't have a black and white solution to this but I have some relevant bits of wisdom that you may or may not already know and either way hopefully you can put them to use.
1) The "ideal" woman doesn't exist.
2) Even if you find a woman who seems "ideal" you will find fault in her eventually
3) With the sense of buyers remorse and cognitive dissonance you have now #1 and #2 combined will start the relationship on a downward spiral.
4) Lamenting the one that got away may not be quite as painful as lamenting a commitment/marriage that you end up regretting but it's not much better.
5) Whether you're 21 or 30 I'll tell you the same thing - you have time but that time will come and go before you know it. When you're 85 and dying 20 will have felt like yesterday. Don't use that time for complacency, use it to make something happen and go for what you want out of life so that you have no regrets when it's all said and done. You won't regret the things you did as much as you will regret the things you didn't do.
6) You are not entitled to a perfect woman. You are not entitled to anything. You deserve only what you go after and make happen yourself. Whether this leads you to a happy, loving, lifelong relationship or a life of bitter resentment toward what could have been, you got what you deserved.
7) Commitment involves a leap of faith to some degree - this is impossible to avoid. You don't want to accept it but you have to unless you want to continue the trend you're on now until you're too old to keep up with it anymore and spend the rest of your life thereafter alone. The truth is that the universe doesn't give a **** what you want and it will not grant you any guarantees about any commitment you pursue, if you want to make one happen you have to accept this and pursue one anyway. That's the reality we live in - it doesn't give you guarantees, only possibilities. The choice is yours as to whether or not you want to make the most out of those possibilities or shy away from doing so because those possibilities are not guarantees, but you can't do both.
They see indoctrination and they call it "morality", "professionalism", or "maturity" depending on the context.