i hit my gf today

[ecojeanne]

i do think you should break up and walk away from this. you took your anger to another level. you shouldn't have rough sex with the next girl because it will inevitably be taken to the next level yet again. you need to do some yoga and calming things and some therapy obviously to get past this. it's a mistake but don't make it again. your relationship is scarred with this for both of you, you can't start fresh from this. don't think for a second that you can. it's over...otherwise you will become the person you don't want to be.

[Raze]

Hey Adamn,

-I think you need to break up with her because you need to work on fixing yourself. Maybe, once you get your issues straightened out, you can have a relationship with her again.

-People should not bring issues into a relationship. When you love yourself and have a lot to offer your partner is when you should be in a relationship.

-A good relationship is where people are strong individually and stronger together. It takes two people who are strong to make a good, solid relationship.

-Go to anger management. Get your shit together. Then, maybe, you can have a relationship with her again.

Bottom line: Right now, it's an unhealthy relationship

[adam95]

yeah i hear where you guys are coming from. i'll be going to meet her in a few hours and i've decided to end it. i will be going to anger management next week when i get back in London. I'd start it now but its difficult to find anger management classes here and since i'll be leaving in a few days i guess i'll just wait. till then i'm not going to meet up with her. we are going to london together and we are living in the same house. i'm guessing i'll have to move out now too right?

[the_robot]

i'm guessing i'll have to move out now too right?

Unless you are willing to risk loosing it again and hitting her, yes.

[Gigabitch]

This needs to be your number one priority, Adam. Don't worry so much about the sadness in her eyes. She's made her decision to stay with you even though you hit her (which I do NOT agree with, by the way), and what you need to work on is you, not her.

She, herself, needs some work. A healthy woman does not choose to remain with a man who has struck her hard across the face. She has just as much work to do as you do. You both need to seek out some counseling or therapy as soon as possible.

[adam95]

well before she left last night she told me if it was any other guy she would have left him that second and that the only reason she's decided to stay is to help me out.
anyway i will tell her that we both have to sort it out. would it be right on my part to advice her to seek therapy too? i would just hate it if she ever went with another guy who didn't regret hitting her and her not wanting to leave him.

[LailaK]

I don't think it's a good idea for her to stay and help you out. This is something you need to do on your own to avoid repeats and codependency.

[Gigabitch]

I think the thing she could do that would help you the most is to dump you flat for doing such a thing and refuse to even speak to you until you'd been in therapy for an entire year.

[adam95]

I don't think it's a good idea for her to stay and help you out. This is something you need to do on your own to avoid repeats and codependency.

yeah i know. thats why i've decided to break it off.

I think the thing she could do that would help you the most is to dump you flat for doing such a thing and refuse to even speak to you until you'd been in therapy for an entire year.

i'm actually surprised she didn't dump me. but I know its best for both of us if we separate and sort ourselves out. im going to hate this

[Gigabitch]

It's an opportunity to make an important change. You've had this anger boiling inside of you for long time and now it's come out and told you it's time to deal with it. That's what issues do. They wait until you're strong enough to face them and then they make themselves a huge, unavoidable problem.

Even if you and your girlfriend separate right now, that doesn't necessarily mean it's over forever. It just means that something unacceptable happened. A dealbreaker. If you guys split up and you deal with this problem of yours, you can always get back together later. Staying together right now sends both of you the message that what happened was somehow acceptable, and it wasn't.

[adam95]

thanks a lot giga for putting it in perspective for me. makes me feel a little better knowing maybe when everythings sorted we can give it another shot. anyway i'll be leaving in an hour,

[ShannonMI]

you remember my whole dominance problem a month ago right? i was never into this rough sex. and to get in to the mood she would fight with me and continuously piss me off. like i said, it usually goes by the end of it.
and yes i am going to see a professional.
i just wanted to make it better sooner.

So you guys need to fight and be angry with each other to "get in the mood." That doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship. I'm glad you are going to see a therapist. Maybe in time your girlfriend can go as well. Are you guys angry the whole time you are having sex? You are swearing and hitting each other? This isn't normal, no offense.

[adam95]

So you guys need to fight and be angry with each other to "get in the mood." That doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship. I'm glad you are going to see a therapist. Maybe in time your girlfriend can go as well. Are you guys angry the whole time you are having sex? You are swearing and hitting each other? This isn't normal, no offense.

no she's not angry but she gets me frustrated by continually rejecting me and apparently she likes that.

anyway she's just left. i sat her down and talked to her and told her everything about how we should sort ourselves out and that i'll be going to anger management and i'll be moving out when we get back cause i think that would be best. she didn't say anything throughout, she was just quiet with tears rolling down her face. i told her to be strong and that she shouldn't take this crap from anyone, even me.
we ended it saying that we'll try and just work it out as friends with nothing personal and maybe after all my classes and if we still think we can make it then we'll give it another shot. till then, i'm just going to keep away.

[girl68]

goodjob- now the REAL work begins...

find out why you're so damn angry...

[adam95]

thanks a lot for the support guys, considering im the one who acted like such an idiot, you guys still gave me good advice. i hope i fix this problem soon.