How to tell my parents my girlfriend is older than me - 20 years older?

[toknow]

OMG... dude... I thought I was the only one that'd watched that movie! LOL

ROFL...

HeartIsAching, by the way, I noticed your footer and I think you are referring to me, and not because it makes any sense, but because of what you've said before.
And whether you meant it to refer to me or not, it doesn't refer to me for the simple reason that you've completely misunderstood what I've been saying:
The only thing in this world that is perfect is love. Nowhere did I say, someone has to be perfect to have true love in their relationship. But one can have perfect moments through love.

And to OP I just want to say. Sometimes two people are just right for each other, if you are happy guys, more power to you.

[HeartIsAching]

You don't even impinge on my consciousness except when I read something you've written here.

no, it wasn't meant for you.

[toknow]

You don't even impinge on my consciousness except when I read something you've written here.

no, it wasn't meant for you.

Precisely...what I said. I know it wasn't.

[Wakeup]

... lolzzz ...

[UnderTheMoon]

I need help. So a little back ground, I've been into older women for as long as I can remember, I even remember finding the lady running the preschool I went to pretty, through Elementary school some teachers I had I found extremely attractive as well as through middle, high school and some college as well. I've dated a few older women, it's been great, fallen in love, fallen out of love... I've tried girls my age too, by the way I'm 22. I've tried girls my age but the ones I've met are just so vapid, self absorbed and I just don't find them attractive.

Before you say it, no I don't have mommy issues, I have both parents and we get along great so I don't think it's that. I find that up till now and through school I was a lot more mature than my peers.

So anyways, I met someone online, we clicked, within a few weeks of talking she flew from Arizona to Washington to see me, we spent a few days together (best of my life) and she went home, we continued talking for a little. I quit my job and took a month long college course, the course had 2 sections with a week in between so I went to see her between that time (now the new best days of my life) I came home, we talked more, day and night, I took my second course and when that finished I went back for a longer time, it just feels so right being with her.

I come back home and say I'm going to move to Arizona to be with her, that was almost a month ago, I'll be moving to Arizona on the 19th. I've already got the car insurance figured out, she's flying to Portland to meet me for the drive (I wanted to drive a little myself) I already kinda have a job lined up there, I'm all set to go, just waiting to leave..

Now my problem, what's causing the most amount of stress since her and I have been together.

When she came here I said I was meeting someone (btw, I still live with my parents and have never really brought a girl home, I've always gone to them, I'm kind of a private person and I'm not sure how they'd feel about me being in relationships with women 20 +/- years older than me) So when I told my parents I was going to meet a girl I told them she was 25, they were really excited for me. They're still under the impression that she's 25, I just don't know how to tell them. They know I'm attracted to older women, the weather lady on the local news, Katherine Zeta Jones, etc etc. I was speaking to a woman in London for a year and a half and was planning on going to see her and my parents knew of her and her age, I don't think they were too happy about it but they knew of it.

I just don't know how to tell them now, I know I'll just get loads of grief about it until I leave and they'll (my mom especially) will make it her life's goal to keep me from going. I really think they would like her if they met her, I want them to meet her but it's just scary for me. I feel like a p*ssy, and a bad son and pretty much every sh*tty feeling you could feel, it's depressing me and stressing me out, I don't know what to do. And it's not only the fact that she's 42, she has 3 kids, and one of them is older than I am. None of this bothers me either.

What I think my parents will say is that she's taking advantage of me, a young guy to latch on to, to try to take my money because she can't handle things on her own, what's her problem, why is she divorced, I'm throwing my life away etc etc. Anything you could come up with is what they would think or say. And I know none of those are true.

They have seen pictures of her, she looks young but I thought they would have questioned if she was actually 25, I get the impression they are at least a little skeptical about it. It's so hard to make up lie after lie about things, like things she's done in her life that I have to squish into a shorter time frame of 25 years I just don't know how to tell them. I was thinking about telling them when I get there, maybe a few weeks or months in telling them that I'm madly in love with her, happier than I've ever been, that I am so sorry that I didn't tell them before and felt horrible about it but didn't think they would really understand, or something along those lines...

If anyone has any suggestions I would be so grateful, I hope there's no judgement but understand if there is, just understand that I am so incredibly happy and this feels as right as anything ever could. If you've spent the time to read, thank you.

Ok well then, You are 22 and she is 42.

First off just tell your parents. I feel if you are as close to your parents as you say you are, the relationship between you being good and everything then first off, this wouldn't be a problem, and you wouldn't be here wondering "How do I tell them.." that sort of thing. The fact that you lied to them, already at first hand, shows a little bit of shame on your part to be honest, and that is the truth take it or not. When you love someone, you just don't care. That is something you have yet to really learn though considering your age. The fact that she knows, or maybe she doesn't? I will assume she knows that you lied to them, and is perfectly fine with it is another problem. So your parents, being the people you say they are, of course they will get upset, and not accept it, because they are immediately going to feel like you found it necessary to hide it from them. I have dated an older man, and I didn't even hesitate when my parents asked because they didn't. I told them. They were fine with it and never said a word, things went well and everyone got along. You know why? Because I wasn't afraid because I felt no REASON to be afraid. Of course we are no longer together but that's what happens when you realize how great the gap is, and how much life you still need to experience. This happy thing you have going, seems good, but from what you said, it sounds really rushed and a woman who is ok with that? Well, I just don't know.

TWO, You are moving out there to be with her. You will be around her kids, and I am not sure but lets first hand say they are all old enough to move out but some still live at home? Would you feel bad if they had a problem with you? If they felt like some young gun was coming in to take their mother away to some unrealistic place destined for doom? What if she gets mad at them and they fight? Are you really ready to be the cause of such trouble between a family? Lets say they are under 18 except for the one because that one is older than you, what if they feel like you are moving in on their lives, how do you think their dad is going to feel having some "kid" old enough to play with his kids around? If she has custody at the moment, what if he tries to challenge that? Says shes wild and out of control, you would be proof enough of that because logically, to most people, this sort of relationship doesn't happen. I mean really, it doesn't. Older men, younger girls sure, but I don't see a whole lot of dads with custody of their kids playing that game.

You should have thought of these things because no matter how in love you are with her, you are disrupting someone else's life close to her, and it may not show right away, but it will. Your problem with dating people your own age is like this, you really aren't ready for a relationship with your age group yet, you should just chill out, get your life together and have fun. You've barely been able to drink legally for a year and haven't lived yet, so your comparing the best days of your life to what? Girls your age will fit you in a couple of years, god knows that was my problem, young men acting ignorant, and when your considered an old soul, old fashioned and all, it makes it difficult to date. With time it got better because people got caught up to my page. They will catch up to you too. I just think you are getting ahead of yourself, with something that started as a live long infatuation you have always had for older women.

Three, with everything else I have said, on top of her mental well being considering what you have said, what are you going to do when she gets sick? Hmm? Women in that age range start running downhill when they hit their 50's, I watched my mother go through it and things just weren't the same for her. What about her wanting you to have a family? She could hit menopause in a couple of years and when you want a family, no go, but its ok, because she knows you love her and wouldn't want that or maybe she will break it off because she will gain some sense and realize you need to live a life. Your comparing the best days of your life at 22 to what? Your still wet behind the ears. Hell, you still have the smell of similac on your breath.

When you want to go out and do things with her, she will be too tired because of the natural regression that most people have at her age. It's not right but that's what happens when you get older. You will be near your 30's before you realize you want your own family, but your 22, barely even legal to drink for a year now and I think, just like any other 22 year old kid guy, your thinking with the wrong head in general. You got it good though right? You get to swoop in like prince charming, kids and house with the white little picket fence already there and you had to do nothing for it. Life and love are so much different when you have had to struggle with that person to have children, to build a home, you have to have a foundation. Your just a shingle to patch her roof for goodness sakes. I think, along with everyone else who looks at this, that you are being a typical 22 year old. It will bite you in the end but hey, despite everything I have said, or anyone else has said, it is your life to have, and to ruin, AND to waste. Have fun being step dad to a kid older than you, cause that's what you sound like here, like you met the one and it's all gravy. Maybe the older one will be a daughter that's not only smart and down to earth, but very beautiful and humble about it. What are you going to do if you like her? LOL, probably not, probably a son older than you but that would have been great movie material. Good luck, and please think about it, who at 42 with 3 kids brings a young gun into her life is she isn't off? Haha, have fun.

[UnderTheMoon]

ROFL...

HeartIsAching, by the way, I noticed your footer and I think you are referring to me, and not because it makes any sense, but because of what you've said before.
And whether you meant it to refer to me or not, it doesn't refer to me for the simple reason that you've completely misunderstood what I've been saying:
The only thing in this world that is perfect is love. Nowhere did I say, someone has to be perfect to have true love in their relationship. But one can have perfect moments through love.

And to OP I just want to say. Sometimes two people are just right for each other, if you are happy guys, more power to you.

Maybe I am just being mean? I don't know but, things like this are lovely for a minute, and end with a headache and sour taste in your mouth. I am sure the man she had her kids with, was just right for her too. This time there won't be any productions of children to show fruit of their love, she will have hit menopause by then.

[toyboy]

you are the luckiest man in the world

[namemyname]

OP, your relationship won't last long enough to have to tell your parents.

Besides the unseemly age gap, you've only spent 2 weeks with this woman. You know NOTHING about her.

I know you think you're mature, blah, blah, but believe me, you're not at 22. You have zero life experience, and besides the appeal of your youth during this cougar's midlife crisis, she will tire of you quite quickly. And shame on her for preying on someone so clearly naïve and innocent.

Additionally, although you don't think you have Mommy issues, you do. If you said you normally date women your own age, but met this gal and couldn't resist, that would be different. But, you seem to be a historic MILF chaser.

Make sure you have an exit strategy, because once she's bored with the sex, and realizes she is ashamed to bring you around her family and friends, things will fizzle out mighty quickly.

[toyboy]

OP, your relationship won't last long enough to have to tell your parents.

Besides the unseemly age gap, you've only spent 2 weeks with this woman. You know NOTHING about her.

I know you think you're mature, blah, blah, but believe me, you're not at 22. You have zero life experience, and besides the appeal of your youth during this cougar's midlife crisis, she will tire of you quite quickly. And shame on her for preying on someone so clearly naïve and innocent.

Additionally, although you don't think you have Mommy issues, you do. If you said you normally date women your own age, but met this gal and couldn't resist, that would be different. But, you seem to be a historic MILF chaser.

Make sure you have an exit strategy, because once she's bored with the sex, and realizes she is ashamed to bring you around her family and friends, things will fizzle out mighty quickly.

*thumbs down*

[Am I crazy?]

As I have said earlier in this thread. This relationship is probably only good for the sex and the OP can probably learn a lot from her sexually. He should screw her and then let her leave and be thankful for the knowledge.

[paythebills]

I doubt this relationship will last long at all

[Rowen]

...And here's to you Mrs. Robinson... Jesus loves you more than you will know. Whoa, whoa whoa... (Sorry, had to. )

Actually, it might be best to just sit them down and tell them that you wouldn't be in a situation like this if it didn't make you happy. I'm going to say they would only flip because they're concerned. But if you sit them down and talk, looking them in the EYE, you'll not only gain their respect, in theory, but you'll show them it's what honestly makes you happy. And if they can't accept that, it might be best to give a little distance for a week before trying to talk to them again. But each time, talk to them IN PERSON. Don't hide behind any technology.

I wish you the best of luck, though!

[toyboy]

Ok well then, You are 22 and she is 42.

First off just tell your parents. I feel if you are as close to your parents as you say you are, the relationship between you being good and everything then first off, this wouldn't be a problem, and you wouldn't be here wondering "How do I tell them.." that sort of thing. The fact that you lied to them, already at first hand, shows a little bit of shame on your part to be honest, and that is the truth take it or not. When you love someone, you just don't care. That is something you have yet to really learn though considering your age. The fact that she knows, or maybe she doesn't? I will assume she knows that you lied to them, and is perfectly fine with it is another problem. So your parents, being the people you say they are, of course they will get upset, and not accept it, because they are immediately going to feel like you found it necessary to hide it from them. I have dated an older man, and I didn't even hesitate when my parents asked because they didn't. I told them. They were fine with it and never said a word, things went well and everyone got along. You know why? Because I wasn't afraid because I felt no REASON to be afraid. Of course we are no longer together but that's what happens when you realize how great the gap is, and how much life you still need to experience. This happy thing you have going, seems good, but from what you said, it sounds really rushed and a woman who is ok with that? Well, I just don't know.

TWO, You are moving out there to be with her. You will be around her kids, and I am not sure but lets first hand say they are all old enough to move out but some still live at home? Would you feel bad if they had a problem with you? If they felt like some young gun was coming in to take their mother away to some unrealistic place destined for doom? What if she gets mad at them and they fight? Are you really ready to be the cause of such trouble between a family? Lets say they are under 18 except for the one because that one is older than you, what if they feel like you are moving in on their lives, how do you think their dad is going to feel having some "kid" old enough to play with his kids around? If she has custody at the moment, what if he tries to challenge that? Says shes wild and out of control, you would be proof enough of that because logically, to most people, this sort of relationship doesn't happen. I mean really, it doesn't. Older men, younger girls sure, but I don't see a whole lot of dads with custody of their kids playing that game.

You should have thought of these things because no matter how in love you are with her, you are disrupting someone else's life close to her, and it may not show right away, but it will. Your problem with dating people your own age is like this, you really aren't ready for a relationship with your age group yet, you should just chill out, get your life together and have fun. You've barely been able to drink legally for a year and haven't lived yet, so your comparing the best days of your life to what? Girls your age will fit you in a couple of years, god knows that was my problem, young men acting ignorant, and when your considered an old soul, old fashioned and all, it makes it difficult to date. With time it got better because people got caught up to my page. They will catch up to you too. I just think you are getting ahead of yourself, with something that started as a live long infatuation you have always had for older women.

Three, with everything else I have said, on top of her mental well being considering what you have said, what are you going to do when she gets sick? Hmm? Women in that age range start running downhill when they hit their 50's, I watched my mother go through it and things just weren't the same for her. What about her wanting you to have a family? She could hit menopause in a couple of years and when you want a family, no go, but its ok, because she knows you love her and wouldn't want that or maybe she will break it off because she will gain some sense and realize you need to live a life. Your comparing the best days of your life at 22 to what? Your still wet behind the ears. Hell, you still have the smell of similac on your breath.

When you want to go out and do things with her, she will be too tired because of the natural regression that most people have at her age. It's not right but that's what happens when you get older. You will be near your 30's before you realize you want your own family, but your 22, barely even legal to drink for a year now and I think, just like any other 22 year old kid guy, your thinking with the wrong head in general. You got it good though right? You get to swoop in like prince charming, kids and house with the white little picket fence already there and you had to do nothing for it. Life and love are so much different when you have had to struggle with that person to have children, to build a home, you have to have a foundation. Your just a shingle to patch her roof for goodness sakes. I think, along with everyone else who looks at this, that you are being a typical 22 year old. It will bite you in the end but hey, despite everything I have said, or anyone else has said, it is your life to have, and to ruin, AND to waste. Have fun being step dad to a kid older than you, cause that's what you sound like here, like you met the one and it's all gravy. Maybe the older one will be a daughter that's not only smart and down to earth, but very beautiful and humble about it. What are you going to do if you like her? LOL, probably not, probably a son older than you but that would have been great movie material. Good luck, and please think about it, who at 42 with 3 kids brings a young gun into her life is she isn't off? Haha, have fun.

someone has time on their hands. i couldn't write that much for my essay

[namemyname]

How is that the OP considers himself very mature, yet he was living at home with his parents at 22???

I seriously wonder if he's bringing money, and that's part of the deal. It's so beyond me to think a grown woman would be interested in a boy younger than her son.

This all reads like such a bad lifetime movie.

I hope the OP comes back at some point to update us. Provided he hasn't been forced into working in an underground meth lab or running weed from the border for this chick.

[UnderTheMoon]

someone has time on their hands. i couldn't write that much for my essay

Seen it, done it. I type really fast and when my mind gets on the ball, I am typing so fast it's ridiculous. I will write your essay for you. Haha.