Can you train yourself to let go of the idea of "love"?

[Indestructible]

Do you have outside activities?

At the moment, no, not really, but I have a hard time finding things I to do that I think I'd enjoy or want to give a try, that would also get me out meeting people. Besides, "serendipity" doesn't work when you're unlucky the way I am.

I think the mistake your making is looking for the emotional attachment first. That puts you in the friendzone. Stop trying to be girls friend and if she seems like a nice girl who is attractive just ask her out. You can take things slow and if it doesn't work out-who cares. You can try again.

Its admirable that you want a lot more than just a good looking girl and want to take the time to get to know her first but the dating world doesnt work that way and if you dont hurry to catch the fish-someone else will.

See, I still don't really "get" the whole friend zone thing. Some people suggest that it's completely based on time; like "If you don't ask a girl out within x amount of time, you're in the friend zone", but I've encountered a number of couples in the past that knew each other for a good bit of time before they started dating (heck, the last girl I liked knew her current boyfriend for the exact same amount of time she knew me, about a year, and they started dating back in December). If time automatically puts you in the friend zone, why does it seem like so many couples got together after knowing each other for a while? If the time thing were true, shouldn't none of those have gotten together? If there's something I'm missing, I'd really appreciate it if someone could explain to me how it's not uncommon for couples to get together after knowing each other for a while, despite the fact that time is supposedly a major factor in the whole "friend zone" thing.

This leads me to believe that there has to be more to it than time. I've always held to the belief that it has more to do with how far you go with the emotional connection. The prime examples of guys in the "friend zone" seem to be the door mat type that try to spend every waking moment with the girl they like but refuse to actually ask her out, all while trying to be her "best friend", "shoulder to cry on", etc. I don't act like that while pursuing a girl. For me, it's mostly just conversation, some joking around and teasing, but always keeping some distance so we don't get too close. The only time I get all wishy-washy and start trying too hard to be present and attached is AFTER a girl turns me down and I get the stupid idea in my head that I can "win them over in time". Other than that, I feel like I keep it pretty cool before I ask a girl out.