Sexy selfies

[smackie9]

Textes lol

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You have a tender ego....it gets bruised quite easily. You rather just argue than actually take in the wealth of wisdom and experience from out LF members.

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You have all the evidence you need yet you spend every waking hour for the last 3 years to disprove it. That's messed up.

[masticate]

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You have a tender ego....it gets bruised quite easily. You rather just argue than actually take in the wealth of wisdom and experience from out LF members.

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You have all the evidence you need yet you spend every waking hour for the last 3 years to disprove it. That's messed up.

yeah!

that's really observant of you.

[chinagirl]

Insanity-doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results (by Albert Einstein).

[Valixy]

I have enjoyed reading your posts, OP, but what the above posters say about not being able to put an end to things that have hurt you for so long, it's also true.

Maybe the opinion you could receive on loveforum is not always unbiased. It's inevitable not to base an opinion on personal experience and project some one's personal beliefs/judgements. Me, for example, I hate the idea of online cheating. My ex-boyfriend joined a popular social network and must have felt overwhelmed by the amount of women who post sexy pics of themselves and need no more than a thumb up to start flirting, post even more revealing pictures, etc. So, I personally hate, can't stand, have zero tolerance for cheating that involves ''sexy pics'' :-D But that's just me, it could mean much less to someone else, who could easily put this behind and go on with life.

That is not your case though, because infidelity hurts you profoundly and your girlfriend is a pretty weak character. She was in constant contact with two previous lovers for the first six month of your (official) relationship and even sent one of them a sexy pic. She was texting them while with you, in the car, at home and she only agreed to stop when you asked her to. She did not think how disrespectful that was for you and for herself all that time and when you finally talked about it, she was unable to put that guy in his place on her own and you had to interfere. But she maintained contact with them. A year later she revealed intimate details about your relationship to SB and also had contact with NB, but again she blamed it on the guy, couldn't impose herself and make him stop and you had to do it for her.Two years later when you discussed breaking up, she didn't want to, begged you to continue, but sent nude pics to SB. She even sent him a pic that she took for a special album for you.

She always said that she loved you, begged you to stay but she has allowed the contact with these guys for years, because nobody harasses anyone and if she really wanted to stop this she could have done it long time ago. You have frequent arguments, you're consumed in front of her lies and have been like this for the 5 years of your relationship because she disrespected you repeatedly.

My opinion is that if you haven't been able to overcome what happened until now and haven't been happy in this relationship, you cannot perform a miracle and change any of these two things in the future. It will always hurt you and hunt you and you shouldn't continue. There is a different kind of love, you know, where there is love and trust and piece of mind but maybe sometimes letting go takes more courage than holding on.

[smackie9]

My opinion is that if you haven't been able to overcome what happened until now and haven't been happy in this relationship, you cannot perform a miracle and change any of these two things in the future. It will always hurt you and hunt you and you shouldn't continue. There is a different kind of love, you know, where there is love and trust and piece of mind but maybe sometimes letting go takes more courage than holding on.

Hallelujah! Word!

[masticate]

I have enjoyed reading your posts, OP, but what the above posters say about not being able to put an end to things that have hurt you for so long, it's also true.

It is, for the most part. I admit my self-confidence is pretty shattered but this is also a positive experience as I have learned that I was right all along and have not been "jealous over nothing" which is what she would have had me believe for our entire lives.

Maybe the opinion you could receive on loveforum is not always unbiased. It's inevitable not to base an opinion on personal experience and project some one's personal beliefs/judgements. Me, for example, I hate the idea of online cheating. My ex-boyfriend joined a popular social network and must have felt overwhelmed by the amount of women who post sexy pics of themselves and need no more than a thumb up to start flirting, post even more revealing pictures, etc. So, I personally hate, can't stand, have zero tolerance for cheating that involves ''sexy pics'' :-D But that's just me, it could mean much less to someone else, who could easily put this behind and go on with life.

Guilty as charged on all counts. It's not about placing blame, or who is at fault, or whatever. We have both betrayed each other and we have both retaliated.

That is not your case though, because infidelity hurts you profoundly and your girlfriend is a pretty weak character. She was in constant contact with two previous lovers for the first six month of your (official) relationship and even sent one of them a sexy pic. She was texting them while with you, in the car, at home and she only agreed to stop when you asked her to. She did not think how disrespectful that was for you and for herself all that time and when you finally talked about it, she was unable to put that guy in his place on her own and you had to interfere. But she maintained contact with them. A year later she revealed intimate details about your relationship to SB and also had contact with NB, but again she blamed it on the guy, couldn't impose herself and make him stop and you had to do it for her.Two years later when you discussed breaking up, she didn't want to, begged you to continue, but sent nude pics to SB. She even sent him a pic that she took for a special album for you.

She always said that she loved you, begged you to stay but she has allowed the contact with these guys for years, because nobody harasses anyone and if she really wanted to stop this she could have done it long time ago. You have frequent arguments, you're consumed in front of her lies and have been like this for the 5 years of your relationship because she disrespected you repeatedly.

It is the infidelity that hurts me, agreed.
You do most certainly have your facts straight and repeating them back with such profound accuracy tells me that your analysis is thorough and complete.

It is highly evident that there was no 'harassment' and she didn't want it to stop, she wanted me to stop trying to find out about it.

My opinion is that if you haven't been able to overcome what happened until now and haven't been happy in this relationship, you cannot perform a miracle and change any of these two things in the future. It will always hurt you and hunt you and you shouldn't continue. There is a different kind of love, you know, where there is love and trust and piece of mind but maybe sometimes letting go takes more courage than holding on.

Well, the thing is, I might have been able to overcome it if she was just honest about it. I'm not so naieve to think that her repeated contact with him is purely innocent, "old friend catching up" fun and chat. Her interest in him has been largely romantic for 8-9 years and I'm certain it's only a matter of time before she is back with him after I leave. If she could have had the confidence to tell me that ... "yes, he is an old lover and I seem to be rather interested in talking to him still" then I would have had the information I needed to make an informed decision, whether to leave or to commence a poly relationship from the start.

Trying to re-frame the basic structure of our broken relationship after nearly five years of lies to incorporate this newly-forged interest in polyamory is absolutely destructive to both of our psychological well-being as it's the very last thing she wants.

[Boisdevie]

Lots of text to read there. Is it worth reading?

[Valixy]

Lots of text to read there. Is it worth reading?

Absolutely, Bois

The OP is a complex individual capable of pondering on the many different nuances of a 5 year relationship and trying to reach a difficult decisión. We're inclined to think that he should not challenge himself anymore in trying to accept something that has hurt him so deeply, has never really fulfilled him and liberate himself.

[masticate]

Lots of text to read there. Is it worth reading?

Here is a link to the cliff notes.

post987698.

I can't actually post links.

[KingZ]

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Mauris aliquam euismod vehicula. Praesent auctor nunc quis arcu semper, blandit malesuada ante tempus. Vivamus vitae porttitor elit, a placerat odio. Proin in augue ornare, volutpat mauris at, blandit enim. Proin quis augue ac leo ultricies malesuada. Phasellus sit amet diam quis lacus luctus commodo. Ut id justo in velit congue consequat ac ac metus. Ut eleifend ullamcorper massa, vitae hendrerit nibh tincidunt sed. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Duis semper leo sed odio adipiscing tempor. Vestibulum tristique diam non enim mollis aliquet. Aliquam aliquet ultricies urna, eu facilisis nunc fermentum sed. Quisque cursus suscipit metus, sed posuere ante feugiat a. Vivamus mollis, mi eu condimentum varius, lacus dolor egestas magna, nec gravida ipsum ipsum vitae erat.

Cras adipiscing fringilla cursus. Maecenas tincidunt sit amet magna in sagittis. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Aliquam quis scelerisque justo. Curabitur nunc odio, mollis in justo sed, lacinia euismod urna. Nullam tempor neque sapien, sit amet volutpat nulla ullamcorper et. Nullam id enim id nisl porta varius. Pellentesque sollicitudin justo nec augue ullamcorper, non consequat leo pellentesque.

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Nullam convallis condimentum ipsum a commodo. Praesent facilisis mi vel commodo auctor. In vitae facilisis turpis, a consectetur neque. Quisque ipsum dui, lobortis id hendrerit sit amet, elementum sed mi. Suspendisse quis dapibus nisi, sit amet ornare turpis. Sed mauris turpis, laoreet vitae pharetra luctus, sagittis ac velit. Sed sed augue ac ante pretium bibendum eget ac nisi. Cras quis dui in purus mollis pulvinar. Ut sapien justo, dapibus eget lacus ut, fermentum tempor nunc. Sed porttitor venenatis nisl vel dignissim.

Praesent euismod, magna at mollis molestie, dolor nibh adipiscing nibh, et tristique risus nibh et orci. Aliquam eros nisl, rutrum eu vehicula et, convallis eget purus. Suspendisse auctor, lacus eu commodo blandit, nisl massa aliquam neque, ac vulputate ante libero quis lorem. Etiam auctor luctus urna, vel viverra est dignissim at. Nam tortor turpis, ultricies eget est non, varius adipiscing orci. Pellentesque iaculis purus sed velit volutpat convallis. Vivamus sed arcu tempus, ornare ipsum laoreet, euismod nibh. Sed imperdiet nisi ac eros blandit feugiat. Sed quis turpis at dui malesuada placerat a sit amet elit. Maecenas ullamcorper molestie tellus. Morbi sit amet viverra tellus, a porta turpis. Sed quis semper mi, et euismod ligula. Etiam quis nibh dictum mauris tempus ultrices nec id enim. Nullam id eros at ipsum commodo rutrum. Sed blandit hendrerit orci, sit amet dictum dolor feugiat dictum.

Mauris accumsan erat et massa tempor bibendum. Mauris diam nisi, fringilla ac velit quis, ornare fermentum arcu. Maecenas sem erat, aliquet porttitor dignissim a, adipiscing nec leo. Morbi tincidunt tincidunt nunc, volutpat hendrerit orci iaculis in. Nunc ultricies vehicula augue vel dictum. Cras tortor mauris, fermentum id egestas at, porta a massa. Cras dolor sapien, rhoncus vel porttitor eu, bibendum et sapien. Donec et leo consequat, vehicula tellus sollicitudin, bibendum enim. Pellentesque aliquam tortor ut libero ultrices euismod. Maecenas vel augue at elit aliquam vehicula sit amet dictum ligula. Etiam faucibus massa placerat, mattis lectus et, porttitor lorem. Morbi consectetur sagittis sapien eu rutrum.

Donec sit amet tellus viverra, imperdiet tellus nec, fermentum justo. Donec fermentum sem id porta sollicitudin. Nulla tincidunt eget purus non semper. Nullam urna mauris, laoreet nec dolor id, tempor egestas odio. Suspendisse eget mattis nibh, sit amet mollis elit. Mauris et nibh leo. Sed non nisi id nibh tristique eleifend ut nec felis. Sed nec rutrum quam. Curabitur id consectetur magna. Etiam dignissim diam non arcu sodales tempor. Vivamus eu nisi mattis, fringilla ligula vitae, scelerisque augue. Sed fringilla lacus ut sem posuere iaculis.

Nam ac magna sapien. Nunc sit amet erat a nisi gravida faucibus ut in sem. Suspendisse tempus sit amet nulla nec semper. Aliquam erat volutpat. Morbi egestas at dolor nec volutpat. Nullam ut sodales leo. Proin lobortis pulvinar hendrerit. Vivamus imperdiet bibendum ultricies. Fusce nec metus viverra, dapibus lorem eget, condimentum nisi. Etiam convallis ultrices velit ut molestie. Nulla nec varius erat. Sed in pretium quam, non gravida enim. Donec molestie urna ligula, ut semper eros iaculis ac. Quisque dictum luctus eros viverra cursus.

Maecenas sed mi odio. Nunc sed porta ipsum. In nec dictum diam, at commodo nunc. Vivamus nec eros tempus, imperdiet ipsum eget, convallis quam. Nam eu sem tempus, pretium neque sed, scelerisque urna. Fusce vulputate iaculis justo, id tincidunt ligula consequat sit amet. Donec faucibus vehicula porttitor. Maecenas in nibh blandit, condimentum risus ac, hendrerit nibh. Duis quis mi pellentesque, elementum ante quis, dignissim arcu. Quisque sit amet viverra neque. Donec sit amet vestibulum arcu. Vestibulum tellus nisi, luctus in sagittis at, convallis quis nisl.

Nam placerat augue ac sem dignissim vehicula. Suspendisse potenti. Duis id leo sed dolor vestibulum vulputate. Integer eu tempus sapien. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Etiam aliquam nulla a magna gravida, vitae fermentum ipsum hendrerit. Mauris ullamcorper luctus sem, nec hendrerit felis convallis non.

Sed ornare lorem ac porta elementum. Suspendisse quis aliquam tellus. Etiam venenatis augue vitae dolor tempor, quis adipiscing lacus venenatis. Nullam dictum magna in dolor pellentesque, convallis luctus enim imperdiet. Aenean egestas nisi sit amet libero egestas consequat. Nulla non quam diam. Vestibulum tempus purus mauris, id dapibus ante pharetra vel. Donec a quam ac massa cursus hendrerit sed et sapien. Sed tristique mi non diam dignissim, luctus adipiscing lacus tincidunt. Morbi vulputate mauris id neque volutpat porta et id lacus. Aenean condimentum ante augue, quis ultricies ipsum dignissim vel. Morbi at nibh sit amet quam vestibulum sollicitudin a quis nisi. Sed egestas ante non tincidunt scelerisque. Fusce nulla lectus, cursus et dictum eu, dignissim non augue.

Nunc nisi felis, accumsan sit amet pharetra non, lacinia quis justo. Nulla consectetur sem quam, sed convallis est ultrices quis. Proin felis tortor, sollicitudin non leo nec, suscipit bibendum odio. Sed nec dui enim. Suspendisse potenti. Nunc bibendum scelerisque purus eget pharetra. Duis rutrum sem ut metus molestie, in tempus est interdum. Phasellus facilisis vitae nisi bibendum aliquam. Nulla aliquam rutrum purus ac ullamcorper. Fusce id risus placerat, euismod turpis ac, aliquet est. Mauris ornare velit lorem, sit amet congue tortor ullamcorper a. Suspendisse id nulla vel magna semper sagittis. Nullam ultricies vehicula mauris, eget egestas eros tempus ut. Maecenas iaculis metus sit amet nisi pellentesque euismod. Morbi feugiat nulla quis est gravida porta nec in odio.

Aliquam dapibus luctus varius. Quisque a odio sit amet purus rutrum ultrices. Fusce lacinia, ipsum id tristique condimentum, dolor risus congue nibh, quis mollis ante urna id ligula. In nec neque velit. Duis consequat sollicitudin elit, vel dignissim urna hendrerit fringilla. Ut ornare nibh at eros laoreet, ac facilisis turpis fringilla. Donec eu viverra mi. Integer eu nulla sed orci dictum elementum. Donec fermentum, mi id condimentum suscipit, lectus velit tincidunt eros, quis aliquet libero odio sit amet velit. Curabitur laoreet nisl vel turpis cursus, sit amet tincidunt odio feugiat. Curabitur vestibulum metus risus, ut dapibus eros tincidunt non.

Morbi quis diam diam. Vestibulum non gravida nisi. Interdum et malesuada fames ac ante ipsum primis in faucibus. Morbi vehicula tellus ut diam fringilla, nec sodales ligula adipiscing. Integer semper sapien ut risus hendrerit luctus. Donec pulvinar, est at viverra fringilla, magna arcu rhoncus odio, id tincidunt sem arcu non sem. Nam eget elit id neque euismod euismod vitae sit amet velit. In tellus magna, dictum in tincidunt non, semper non velit. Nam sit amet nisi ut lectus dapibus ornare. Cras convallis aliquam dolor, venenatis laoreet neque egestas at. Maecenas sodales, dolor in condimentum laoreet, arcu lorem varius urna, eget pharetra risus libero vel tellus.

Nam rhoncus vel metus vitae vulputate. Phasellus velit turpis, tristique at nisl id, rhoncus laoreet quam. In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Cras accumsan sagittis odio, eu vulputate lorem lacinia quis. Etiam vitae libero sem. Maecenas aliquet convallis augue, ut facilisis nisl ornare ac. Curabitur fermentum erat ut sapien dapibus, ac dapibus erat blandit. In ac scelerisque quam. Etiam eleifend tincidunt magna, eu ultrices nibh vehicula sed. Vivamus a nisl cursus, pellentesque justo ac, imperdiet nulla. Vivamus porta lacinia condimentum. In porttitor vulputate lorem nec porta. Sed elementum luctus leo. Suspendisse potenti. Sed nibh lacus, accumsan ac ante vitae, vehicula volutpat magna.

Mauris iaculis in ante non tristique. Phasellus dignissim bibendum euismod. Vestibulum ultricies hendrerit urna sit amet dignissim. Maecenas sed mi ac justo mollis bibendum sit amet in nisi. Cras dignissim massa vel urna tincidunt, a tempus tortor fringilla. Quisque ullamcorper, odio nec iaculis malesuada, ligula ipsum fermentum turpis, quis aliquam magna diam ut leo. Sed mollis lorem ut velit blandit tincidunt. Maecenas dapibus vestibulum ultrices. Proin vitae blandit nisi. Fusce at nibh congue, semper elit sollicitudin, fermentum lectus. Nulla turpis massa, consequat id elit in, luctus posuere lacus. Fusce mauris risus, aliquam in faucibus nec, sollicitudin vitae dui. Praesent feugiat nunc nec orci auctor, ac pulvinar metus cursus. Aenean odio nisl, viverra eget felis ut, pretium posuere ante. Suspendisse lobortis dolor non sapien convallis, sit amet laoreet augue convallis. Nulla varius accumsan risus in semper.

Etiam malesuada, odio quis facilisis rutrum, quam turpis aliquam turpis, eu volutpat nunc ante sed nisl. In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Vivamus tincidunt est in massa ullamcorper, dignissim viverra nunc feugiat. In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Cras porttitor fringilla nunc in scelerisque. Praesent ante risus, rhoncus quis cursus eu, tincidunt id risus. Nullam laoreet ut odio nec molestie. Sed ultrices, nisi eu placerat condimentum, urna orci malesuada sapien, suscipit fringilla ante mi quis diam. Integer tristique justo turpis, ac rhoncus mi adipiscing et.

Maecenas sed augue accumsan, euismod justo lobortis, lobortis lacus. Fusce ac ligula fermentum velit mattis fringilla. Suspendisse molestie urna non gravida sollicitudin. Maecenas est nisl, dapibus vitae tincidunt a, dapibus in libero. Nullam fringilla magna id eleifend posuere. Pellentesque metus lacus, elementum ut viverra eleifend, dapibus pulvinar sem. Praesent blandit est sed interdum semper. Cras tempor ligula fringilla dui dignissim lobortis. Fusce ultricies accumsan varius. Donec lobortis mi ut dictum rutrum. Curabitur tincidunt ligula varius metus varius tempus.

Morbi eget neque in magna aliquam tincidunt in ullamcorper nulla. In fringilla nisl eu diam convallis, vitae tincidunt justo pulvinar. Curabitur in nisl massa. Praesent et feugiat est. Sed vel felis a enim consequat feugiat. Nam vitae enim a felis facilisis adipiscing. Nulla ac mi vel eros vulputate gravida a malesuada odio. Integer eget pharetra sem. Maecenas sed nisi pulvinar, congue mi eget, convallis eros. Nam eget risus sit amet libero pellentesque vehicula. Nulla nec dui vestibulum, convallis ante quis, placerat lorem. Mauris sapien turpis, scelerisque ac erat sed, porta porta metus. Nulla et placerat metus. Curabitur dignissim sodales lobortis.

In venenatis enim vel tincidunt feugiat. Nam imperdiet vitae mi a interdum. Ut et ante neque. Nunc blandit sapien sit amet mi faucibus mollis. Vestibulum id tellus quam. Donec rhoncus urna sed tincidunt bibendum. Cras quam orci, mattis eget molestie non, lacinia ac felis. Vivamus urna justo, accumsan non pulvinar faucibus, ultricies a mauris. Etiam lacinia, ipsum nec adipiscing auctor, ligula nibh viverra urna, placerat ultricies nisl odio quis lorem. Nulla sagittis diam eget sapien suscipit, in sollicitudin tortor convallis. Nam pretium ipsum eu tellus gravida, a ornare metus vulputate. Aenean porta scelerisque dolor ac scelerisque. Sed vulputate ante at condimentum dignissim.

Donec nulla metus, hendrerit tincidunt ornare non, suscipit eget tortor. Donec id auctor nisi, ut mattis augue. Aliquam semper facilisis varius. Phasellus molestie, orci sit amet egestas egestas, lacus mauris imperdiet arcu, et iaculis quam neque sed lacus. Aenean molestie augue ac iaculis elementum. Duis in quam adipiscing urna consectetur aliquet. In mattis, dolor non pharetra placerat, felis mi venenatis leo, nec mollis purus dui sed mi. Etiam ullamcorper eu lectus feugiat fermentum. Phasellus ornare arcu at nunc dignissim dignissim.

Fusce suscipit ultrices mauris, ullamcorper mattis lorem pellentesque quis. Donec enim tellus, rhoncus sed tempor pharetra, ultrices ultrices neque. Sed lectus ipsum, convallis nec dui at, ultricies molestie dui. Cras pretium eros leo, non semper magna bibendum quis. Quisque in felis sit amet lectus tempus ullamcorper. Integer a semper lectus, nec feugiat velit. Nam id neque sit amet elit pulvinar scelerisque. Suspendisse cursus facilisis orci, sed placerat diam sodales ac. Quisque et nisi erat.

Morbi condimentum gravida fermentum. Etiam congue diam non mattis volutpat. Integer eu elit odio. Proin lorem ante, vestibulum vel egestas eu, aliquet eu turpis. Aliquam tempus nunc in pellentesque ullamcorper. Morbi mi felis, ornare in aliquet sit amet, feugiat sed lorem. Pellentesque semper luctus magna, ac iaculis purus posuere vel. Etiam ornare sagittis quam, dictum rhoncus dui mollis tristique. Proin adipiscing elementum mauris, nec pharetra libero sagittis vel. Nullam elementum tempor ipsum sit amet suscipit. Nam accumsan, eros ut interdum ornare, dolor sem fermentum purus, vel scelerisque mauris tortor a elit. Nullam tincidunt porta orci, nec dapibus lectus semper id. Ut convallis nec quam eu suscipit. Ut ultricies aliquet eros non porta.

Mauris sit amet nulla dictum, euismod purus at, varius felis. Proin sit amet mattis augue, ut interdum justo. Etiam at sem id risus pellentesque molestie vitae id orci. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Praesent diam tellus, varius at pretium id, tempor vitae dolor. Vivamus commodo commodo laoreet. Duis eros tellus, congue feugiat venenatis eu, feugiat pretium massa. Praesent id sollicitudin elit, in interdum lectus. Nunc a bibendum dui, eu sagittis dolor.

[masticate]

Here we can see another INTJ making light of the situation in an effort to diffuse my broken reasoning (known as Ni-Fi loop) and to engage my extraverted thinking more directly.

[Valixy]

Here we can see another INTJ making light of the situation in an effort to diffuse my broken reasoning (known as Ni-Fi loop) and to engage my extraverted thinking more directly.

You said it yourself that lately you've been having arguments every month when you always want to break up and she begs you not to. Even if you had not discovered the whole selfies thing from previous years, your relationship is/was in a very bad state. Finding the pictures simply added to your general and profound unhappiness.

How confident are you that you could be fine on your own for a while? How confident are you that you could find a better relationship at the right time and you could be with someone and actually enjoy it not having to torture yourself to overcome something that you cannot? Because all this is possible and it is worth it.

[masticate]

Thanks everybody for helping me understand all of this. I am extremely exhausted from everything and I'm going to simply take time to process it all. If I don't allow myself enough time to mull everything over I will have difficulty standing behind my final decision. I appreciate everybody's advice. I don't think I'll become a regular poster here but it's been good to have a chance to sort it all out and gather some opinions.

[michelle23]

Your relationship is dysfunctional. All the snooping, mistrust, lies, BS is not normal or healthy. And it would be very selfish of you to expect fidelity from her while you do what you want. Honestly I get the impression you are the problem-you started all this-made her feel insecure. She lost trust in you and leant on someone else for emotional support. Here we are only getting your side of the story but if you read in between the lines with some of your additional info- I get the impression your controlling, abusive and untrustworthy. You have crushed her confidence so bad-that shes willing to do or say anything to keep you.

This relationship is co-dependant. Honestly I have been in a 6year relationship and I have never had any of these issues with my bf. We dont fight about sex or trust etc.. your not compatible.

If you want a polygamous relationship-find a woman who wants the same and who will also see other people. If its not equal-then its abusive

[masticate]

Your relationship is dysfunctional. All the snooping, mistrust, lies, BS is not normal or healthy. And it would be very selfish of you to expect fidelity from her while you do what you want. Honestly I get the impression you are the problem-you started all this-made her feel insecure. She lost trust in you and leant on someone else for emotional support. Here we are only getting your side of the story but if you read in between the lines with some of your additional info- I get the impression your controlling, abusive and untrustworthy. You have crushed her confidence so bad-that shes willing to do or say anything to keep you.

This relationship is co-dependant. Honestly I have been in a 6year relationship and I have never had any of these issues with my bf. We dont fight about sex or trust etc.. your not compatible.

If you want a polygamous relationship-find a woman who wants the same and who will also see other people. If its not equal-then its abusive

You have done a fine job of trying to intuit another perspective in the story.

What can I deny? That I am controlling? Abusive? Untrustworthy?

Controlling - because I monitor who she sends pictures of her tits to and am willing to interfere when necessary, because I prefer to have the upper hand in a conflict
Abusive - because I get angry when lied to or feel neglected (such as weeks or months without oral sex even after repeated reassurance that "she loves it" etc) - it's ****ing neglect have you heard of that?
Untrustworthy - because I got caught doing something I should not have done in the past

I appreciate your analysis of the situation, certainly.
I guess... I can't really say much to pacify you except that I'm trying to leave and she's trying hard to stop me. Maybe it's out of guilt on her part that she wants me to stay, as another poster has mentioned: it's likely she doesn't want this to be my final memory of her. I've considered this to a great extent, but honestly she would have me believe she doesn't want me to leave because she would like to be my wife and bear my children.

I think that you have perhaps either quit reading part way through (not that I could blame you; not everybody can read a "wall of text"), or overlooked something, but I'm not going to coerce or blackmail her into a poly relationship. She can't handle it; I believe I've said this 3x now in this thread. She can not handle it and it's not going to happen. I've been trying to establish some boundaries over the past few days but she still cringes if I even look at a person or make a comment, which are things I've made serious effort to avoid doing over the years. Women flirt with me, and I ignore them cold. They probably think I'm dysfunctional.

Another thing you have overlooked - is it IS equal. Simply because she doesn't choose to exercise her rights doesn't mean she doesn't have them. There is such a thing as polyGYNY where a man takes multiple wives and his primary wife (or all of them) do not. It's absolutely not something I've asked of her it's only something she's offered to me. I think I have made that clear. I have also made it clear that she is opposed and sickened with the idea of herself being touched by another man or being with another man so as far as I'm concerned ... her refusal to engage in consensual extramarital affairs is testament to the idea that IT IS EQUAL so please don't accuse me of vying for inequality because you overlooked a complexity.