Convincing Her to Go Down

[lahnnabell]

I could write a book on this topic... One of the many contributing factors that ended my last relationship was because of this. In my mind after a two year old relationship it isn't wrong for me to ask for this level of intimacy... Her stance is if I really loved her I wouldn't want it... Just not fair... Not fair for either of us...

I don't think it's wrong to want that level of intimacy at all. If I am not comfortable moving further with a guy (be it blow jobs, sex, whatever), then I break things off. After getting out of a very serious relationship earlier this year, I dated one guy for several weeks and naturally we had begun sleeping together.

After a few sessions in the sack, I began to feel we simply weren't compatible sexually. He was very gentle and took his time, but never made a move to go down on me or stimulate me except with his penis. I thought of bringing it up, but realized that I didn't care enough because I was not that attracted to him.

[girl68]

I give my all to all of it.

My stance is that all guys don't deserve my "all". If your some fresh, new man I'm not going to just give it my all right up front! A lengthy discovery phase is half the fun of dating. 3 years into mine, we're still doing all sorts of firsts.

[lhn]

My stance is that all guys don't deserve my "all". If your some fresh, new man I'm not going to just give it my all right up front! A lengthy discovery phase is half the fun of dating. 3 years into mine, we're still doing all sorts of firsts.

I like this. Exploring and experiencing together as time goes on. Keeping things healthy and interesting.

I'm envious 68

[shheadz]

Ok, so lets say she's ready, and willing. I'm still not sure how to initiate something like that. I have all the subtly of a jackhammer. Saying things like, "Hey hun, how about a blowjob?" have never gotten me far.

[lahnnabell]

Have you gone down on her? It's a good way to introduce the idea of oral sex into the situation. I'm not a big advocate of doing something soley to get an equal response (i.e. If I go down on her, maybe then she'll give me a blow job). However, since you say you lack the skills to be subtle about it, going down on her first may be your best bet.

I gotta say, nothing turns me off more than a guy who says he loves doing down on women, but then gives me five minutes of lazy tongue lapping and wonders why I can't get off.

[shheadz]

Have you gone down on her?

Yeah, I did, but she's lucky I did. We were talking about the oral sex thing, and I asked if she liked guys going down on her (My ex didn't), and she said something like, "Yeah, but they better be good." Ouch! No pressure, huh?! Geez.. lol

[vashti]

you should have taken that opportunity to tell her you like it, too, and in fact, consider it a necessary part of a healthy sex life.

[shheadz]

you should have taken that opportunity to tell her you like it, too, and in fact, consider it a necessary part of a healthy sex life.

Yeah, that's what we were doing. The conversation came up in bed after she flat out rejected the notion of going down on me.

[vashti]

If she flat-out rejected it, and you consider it necessary, then I think you should accept that and move on (or alter your expectations).

[lahnnabell]

So, she expects to enjoy oral sex without ever reciprocating. Meh. That's no fun.

[misombra]

Why can't women post their views on oral sex on their facebook? Its infinitely more important then their zodiac sign, religious or political views. A relationship without good sex is called a friendship with "benefits".

Every time I meet a woman who doesn't give head I look at them like a damn Beta-Max, like "They still make you?"

hey you stole that from chris rock!

[shheadz]

If she flat-out rejected it, and you consider it necessary, then I think you should accept that and move on (or alter your expectations).

Blah.. You know what? I had completely forgotten the details of the conversation we had. See, at first I thought she was going to do it. She didn't say no at first. I don't remember what I said, but she responded with "Even if it's not going to be any good?" I told her I'd help her, and that I didn't want her doing it till the end.. just a bit to get the mood going.

In the end I think she's just insecure about her performance, and eventually didn't like feeling pressured into doing it. I also don't really know how to teach a woman to give a good blow job. I tried showing a past girlfriend on her finger.. but blah.. that feels a little gay.

[shheadz]

hey you stole that from chris rock!

I knew it! I couldn't remember which comedian, but that wasn't the first time I'd heard that.

[misombra]

i'll tell you what shheadz. i am one of those beta max's and i rarely give blowjobs. all the guys in the forum are pretty bitter over it but you know, i've kept the same guy around for 7 years and now i'm pregnant. he's never once complained that he doesn't get enough of them and he's never pressured me or so much as asked for one. i give them once in a while when i'm in a freaky mood and that's great.

if it's a deal breaker for you then you know, i'm a minority, i've known many more girls who like to do it and i'm sure you can find you one and this girl can find a guy like mine who really doesn't give a shit.

a deal breaker for me would be a guy who kept on bugging me for oral sex all the time.

[lahnnabell]

I agree with misombra. Any guy that is going to antagonize his girl when she clearly doesn't want to go down needs to rethink his approach.

I love giving head, but I have to really care for the guy. I do not go down on any guy that makes it to my bed. I'm not the easiest girl to get off, so a guy that is willing to take his time with me will get treated like a king. If he thinks that a few tongue swirls is gonna get me all hot and bothered, he guessed wrong.

I noticed a consistent trend with a lot of women. Many of them seem very insecure about having a guy go down on them because of previous bad/mediocre experiences. Personally, I found that most of the guys that have gone down on me simply had no skill. I only realized this after I began dating men who COULD get me off with their tongues. I used to assume that because a guy couldn't get me off with oral sex that it was just something about me that wasn't right. Now I have some of my best orgasms that way.

Sexual compatibility is important. It's okay to want oral sex, and it's okay to not like it. Coaxing someone who doesn't like it to give it a try takes patience and understanding. If you are not up for the challenge of playing professor, that's okay too, but call it what it is. Don't stick around if you're just gonna get fed up.

One of my exes and I were starting to get into anal sex at one point. I remember he was all for it going into it, and when we finally got going he stopped and got really pissed. He started telling me it was disgusting and that he felt disgusting. It's fine if he didn't like it, but he made me feel like sh*t in a very vulnerable situation.