20 yr age difference?

[Emereldess]

Thanks Searock, it's not that though. I would like to think I'm fairly down to earth and I have already been handling these judgement calls just as everyone has answered on this thread - ignore it and let time tell the truth. What I am trying to get at on this discussion is I am simply wondering where these opinions come from. Does a person consider changing the way they dress, should they do certain things differently.. For instance, he is 42, I am 22, so maybe I seem immature or too young when I grab his hand or rub his back while we are with friends (this is all I can think of for a reasonable example ha ha). See, when his friends (mainly within his age group) are around us as couples, you don't often see them touch or kiss or be too romantic in front of people. But then around my friends (mainly within my age group) as couples, there is lots of displayed affection. I just wonder if there is any sort of adjustment I should consider making when in the presence of said friends or family so that they will not look at me as "too young" right off the bat or if it really is something that you just say "to hell with it- you like me or you don't, I'm not here for you, I'm here for him". Is this all sort of making sense? I'm not trying to lose anybody here lol

[Wakeup]

This is not a competition on who's better with words.

i didn't think it was, I'm surprised that you did?

I don't like what I'm hearing because it does not answer my question.

Yes it does. It's just not the answer you wanted to hear.

I'm not stupid.

Did someone say you were?

Miss "Judgey Judge". A bit childish, no?

If the shoe fits. No!

You are female, correct?

Yes correct.

Is this not an ask the male forum?

Yes but your situation is not gender spcific. you could have put it anywhere in any sub forum.

I simply wanted opinions on the younger half in a large age gap relationship. Does that spell it out a bit better for you? As well as why these opinions are formed and what a person in my shoes could do to deter such a thing.

You were give advise on that. Sorry if it wasn't exactly what you wanted to hear.

You know his inlaws? How nice, maybe ask them what they think of me and you would be shocked lol. You are proving nothing to me but the fact that you bolster a "know-it-all" appearance. Perhaps you are the one dealing with insecurities?

its obvious to me why you're not liked but as I said, it's just something fo ryou to think about that may be going on and why they don't trust you with their male relative.

You don't "care" yet you take it upon yourself to continue responding to me in an ever competitive way. Go ahead. It is not going to make a difference in my life whether you say something or not.

Seems you're the same way. Wasn't it you that said you'd not be responding to anyone anymore and we should take it to private messaging you (as if) lol

I'm sorry I did not "show" appreciation for your comments, but your first one was fairly informative. The rest are simply garbage to me, put bluntly. I don't need your "world revolves around me" bull shit and I especially don't care for your blind judgement.

That's okay, I don't let what you think stop me from pointing out things to you. You can read or ignore.. your choice.

In the matter of your last couple posts, you are criticizing my personality and going on about how ungrateful and selfish etc. I am but you fail to acknowledge plain discontent due to the fact that so many people are jumping on one silly answer to a question that could have millions of answers. I am frustrated. And I stated that I've noticed a few of the users who have commented have bashed other people doing EXACTLY what I did, ASKING A QUESTION.

You're the one who said they were learning to not let observations and opinions bother you ? Really?

If I was someone else and posted on here that I love my... Hell, I don't know, female teacher bla bla bla I'm a lesbian and I like someone way too old for me what do I do... I guarantee that instead of anything HELPFUL? people would be bashing her down and saying she's screwed up in the head, etc. etc. THAT is what is frustrating me about this website, THAT is why I said something rather rude previously. Prove to me otherwise and maybe I'll even take it back and apologize, no? I simply stated the truth.

Emerald, if the shoe fits what would you like us to do. Have the Opening poster believe that another size would be better for them?

Have you ever read The Emperors New Clothes?

I'll add that public displays of affection likely have very little to do with why they don't trust that you're a good match for their son.

How have they accepted any of his other gfs in the past? Maybe they just don't think anyone is good enough for him?

[Emereldess]

You are incorrect. Again I will state that I do not like what I hear because no it does not answer my question. I'm glad you enjoy turning this into a game but I hope you realize how many people you have probably turned away who have come seeking HELP. I could not blame them however, since that is something you are incapable of giving, besides self-glorifying opinions based on your own ridiculous conclusions. You think you're making me appear foolish but I actually AM trying to have a civil conversation with some people here. If you have nothing else useful to say to me then please leave this thread? And I'm sorry but no matter how good the "shoe fits", miss "Judgey Judge"? Really? You're so busy trying to prove your intellect to me and you let that fall out? That's enough for me ha ha you may want to consider not saying another word before you shove that foot even deeper down your throat.

Read my last comment to searock perhaps? That kind of goes into a lot more detail about the topic I am trying to figure out.

Take care! ;P

[Wakeup]

I do not think I am making you appear foolish, nor am I even attempting that. Thats your perception and that erroneous perception is why i think that your future inlaws do not accept you due to you being young but rather because of the way you appear to be.

I doubt very much your PDA's are a reason why they are'nt accepting you. However, if that is indeed one of the reasons that you think they are, then perhaps cut back on them and see if that changes their perception of you as not being a good match for him.

I don't automatically assume that age is a reason for a relationship not being a good one. If the two people are compatible and they are treating one another with respect and love, then what difference does the age difference make IMO. I myself would not question a childs choice if the pre-requisits for a good relationship are in place. That is why I ask you how the other women in his life have been received. Have they been equally "not good enough?" Have they been the wonder woman and now resent you because you've taken someone they loved place? Is it your attitude in general? Lots of things to consider.

You only want to discuss one aspect when there are many reason that may be why you're "not good enough" in their eyes or in anyone's eyes for that matter. I think history of many (most?) may/december (my bad for using wrong month prior) romances not being in either parties best interests (and subsequently not working out) might be why so many look upon them as not good for their loved one.

I'll also point out that you had already said you were "turning away" from this forum BEFORE I engaged you in this debate so your assumption that I've "turned people away" wouldn't apply to you since this debate has kept you here longer then you originally planned anyway.

To add;

I am just getting fed up with this hypocritical behavior and starting to wonder if it is some sort of vibe I am giving off due to (appearance? attitude? maturity?) what I do not know..

You asked the question and i proposed a possiblity, unfortunately, you don't care to hear the answer to your very own question.



You take care too...

[Rowen]

If youre going to be with this guy, youd better get used to the comments and judgements girl. Sorry, but those are the ropes and you know it.

In other words, Stop your bitching and just be happy youre with a guy who truly loves you

^ I agree with him entirely.

OP, I know it's hard to take, but you need to be proud and not let it faze you. I can only sort of imagine how it feels for you because I once dated someone who was older too. He was only seven years older, but people were pretty cruel about that too. In the end, the best method for silencing them is the To Kill a Mockingbird approach- be proud and ignore it. When they see it won't get a rise out of you, it'll lessen eventually. Know in your heart that what you're doing is right because it's between two people who care about one another. That should be all the reassurance you need to get through.

[Boisdevie]

You aren't either. Take your comments and leave perhaps? I don't see how your ignorance helps this situation.

I can't leave this forum. Insulting idiots like you is one of my few remaining pleasures in life now I've given up alchohol, cigarettes and wacking off to porn.

[Emereldess]

Wakeup - the PDAs were just an example. However thank you for that post. An answer like that one is so much more of what I was looking for, as well as yours, Rowen. I told you I'm not looking to fight. And I swear it's not any in-laws. In-laws have surprisingly been SO welcoming and happy with me. On the contrary to my appearance across a computer screen, I assure you I treat him like gold. There is many reasons for this, he is the first man who has made me feel this good about myself and I do everything I can to return the favor. His family and most of his friends have whole-heartfelt accepted me with him and have many times stated that they have never seen him so happy. Only one of these people has ever asked me flat out if I would stay forever and they believed me when I said yes. The reason I took this topic as far as a forum discussion however, was because of his childhood friend who approached me the other day and told me terrible things. He said he would never trust me and he figured I would screw this man up even worse than when his wife left him. I have been rather distraught about it and not sure how to handle it. But my man says his friend is simply testing me.

[Emereldess]

I can't leave this forum. Insulting idiots like you is one of my few remaining pleasures in life now I've given up alchohol, cigarettes and wacking off to porn.

Ba ha ha nice. I've got nothing. Enjoy your stay? Lol gotta be pretty desperate tho if you're stuck to a site where relationships are the main topic of discussion. Have a good one

[Wakeup]

Wakeup - the PDAs were just an example. However thank you for that post. An answer like that one is so much more of what I was looking for, as well as yours, Rowen. I told you I'm not looking to fight. And I swear it's not any in-laws. In-laws have surprisingly been SO welcoming and happy with me. On the contrary to my appearance across a computer screen, I assure you I treat him like gold. There is many reasons for this, he is the first man who has made me feel this good about myself and I do everything I can to return the favor. His family and most of his friends have whole-heartfelt accepted me with him and have many times stated that they have never seen him so happy. Only one of these people has ever asked me flat out if I would stay forever and they believed me when I said yes. The reason I took this topic as far as a forum discussion however, was because of his childhood friend who approached me the other day and told me terrible things. He said he would never trust me and he figured I would screw this man up even worse than when his wife left him. I have been rather distraught about it and not sure how to handle it. But my man says his friend is simply testing me.

Well this is nothing like your opening post. I will say my bad for assuming your "inlaws" were amongs the doubters.

My advice to this friends reaction is to do nothing. He's concerned for his friend and is simply voicing his concern. End of and who cares. It's just concern... particularily if his wife did him in. I'll add that odds are he'd have the same doubts if you were closer to your bf's age. It's not even been a year and I suspect his friend is thinking that he's jumped in too quick.

I have told each of these people that I will not bend over and kiss their a$$ for approval to be with him. But I have also said that they should let time tell them the truth

Indeed.. time will tell.

[surfhb2]

Don't judge someone by their age lol, women in their 20's have lots to teach a man in his 40's or whatever age he is at, and vice versa. I am quite happy in my relationship thanks

Well since i was 22 over 20 years ago do you mind posting some examples of what you could open my eyes to? I must have missed out on something somewhere along the way.

I think you missed my point. I'm saying you're acting like an immature little 22 year old girl. This is why I don't date women your age.....because they act like 22 year olds

Your question has been answered over and over in this thread. What else can we help you with?

[searock]

I've given up alchohol, cigarettes and wacking off to porn.

Why did you give up wacking off to porn?

[Wakeup]

Probably due to the age difference

[toknow]

Emereldess, just skip over the negative comments and let them waste their time typing.

I agree with you that you should care, and not because of what anyone thinks, but as you said of how negatively it can impact your relationship. So you are smart to think about the consequences and not just let them talk. Words can put worlds in ruins. So you do need to stand your ground - if you let them walk all over you, they will do it and it could have a big negative impact on your relationship if you let them do this. Your boyfriend should be always on your side, and by your side with this. Your relationship is only between the two of you, if other people get involved it'd be like two people trying to steer a car. You two should be as one, and if that's the case steering your relationship would not be a problem.

[surfhb2]

Emereldess, just skip over the negative comments and let them waste their time typing.

I agree with you that you should care, and not because of what anyone thinks, but as you said of how negatively it can impact your relationship. So you are smart to think about the consequences and not just let them talk. Words can put worlds in ruins. So you do need to stand your ground - if you let them walk all over you, they will do it and it could have a big negative impact on your relationship if you let them do this. Your boyfriend should be always on your side, and by your side with this. Your relationship is only between the two of you, if other people get involved it'd be like two people trying to steer a car. You two should be as one, and if that's the case steering your relationship would not be a problem.

Gee Thanks for summing up what we all have been telling her this whole thread

[Emereldess]

Gee Thanks for summing up what we all have been telling her this whole thread

Funny, as everything everyone else told me was quite the opposite? There is no point getting silly on here and ridiculing everyone else due to your own insecurities. Sorry for being rude this way, but really, grow up a bit.

And as for what a 22 y/o female can teach you.. Well you're not really worth teaching but I can already sum up that my pinky finger has more maturity than you and a couple previous posters put together.

Never underestimate the life of a female you don't know. 1 in 6 women are violently sexually assaulted at least once in their life. 1 in 7 are brutally beaten on a regular basis. 1 in 4 is sexually violated by a trusted adult once in their life. Shall I go on? Unlike you I woke up from the dream world that we all live in until reaching rock bottom. Get there and then tell me what life is all about. You've not lived my life, don't go praising yourself like you are better than me (or too good for) because you have more years on this earth than I do. Granted you have more experience but you seem to lack the knowledge usually obtained thereof?