I'm in trouble...don't know what to do

[Illusional]

shit..... i wasn't talking about drinking to talk to chicks... anyways, if you must ask, drinking loosens up your social skills..

and fraz you whore you.. that's why you are red and i'm orange.

raverboy

[Illusional]

...back to youtube.

raverboy

[Junket]

shit..... i wasn't talking about drinking to talk to chicks... anyways, if you must ask, drinking loosens up your social skills..

and fraz you whore you.. that's why you are red and i'm orange.

raverboy

Yeah, but in the grand scheme of things, it just means you can ban people without having to deal with petty shit like editing signatures.

I live such a tortured existence.

[vashti]

I havent seen any evidence that CBT is more efficacious than placebo.

have you personally seen it help people with problems of this nature?

Actually, if you change the way you think, the way you respond will be different. How can it not be?

Personally, I think making shyness into some sort of psych disorder is bullshit, and people who wish to label it as such are usually pretty attached to the label because it gives them justification for not stepping outside their comfort zone.

I don't think medications are effective unless they cause a certain amount of impairment (like ETOH), and obviously medications won't work once you stop taking them.

That being the case, some sort of cognitive therapy seems to be the best choice.

[Illusional]

Yeah, but in the grand scheme of things, it just means you can ban people without having to deal with petty shit like editing signatures.

I live such a tortured existence.

BUT if you bend over, i'll give you the most pleasurousESTESTEST sensation of your life.

raverboy

[nardAJC]

Actually, if you change the way you think, the way you respond will be different. How can it not be?

Personally, I think making shyness into some sort of psych disorder is bullshit, and people who wish to label it as such are usually pretty attached to the label because it gives them justification for not stepping outside their comfort zone.

I don't think medications are effective unless they cause a certain amount of impairment (like ETOH), and obviously medications won't work once you stop taking them.

That being the case, some sort of cognitive therapy seems to be the best choice.

Once again I do empathise with your sentiments. However, when I see a person absolutely terrified, shaking, and in tears at the prospect of ordering a meal for lunch at a McDonalds or whatnot......it makes me wonder.
I do feel that too many normal emotions have been turned into psychiatric disorders.

The problem with CBT, is the fact that we are not clear that emotions do follow cognition. In fact many testify that their depressive episodes come out of no conscious cognition. It could have a subconscious genesis, which is beyond the immediate control of the person....

Do you agree with medications such as Xanax, the MAOI drugs?
What is ETOH?

Please tell me what you think, and many thanks for your answer.
I am desperately trying to find some way to help my own shyness, and I feel for others who suffer it....it's not fun...
Peace

[vashti]

ETOH = alcohol

I don't have a problem with medications for occasional full-fledged panic attacks (the kind that include physically measureable symptoms), but I don't care for them being used routinely for shyness. BTW - what you describe (shaking and crying at McDonalds?) goes beyond shyness. So tell me: are you shy, or are you suffering from a full-blown psychiatric disorder?

[Rollerderby]

For whatever reason, you lack self-esteem. I think many people suffer in different ways from this.

However, your fear of rejection is unwaranted it seems. You have women around you that seem to find you attractive, yet for whatever reason, you are choosing to listen to the voice that is telling you you must be making it up.

Why? Because it's easier to listen to the negative thoughts than the positive ones?

If you are shy, recognize it. Figure out why you don't have confidence (i.e. some girl telling you you suck about something) and then recognize it for the lie you tell yourself and start thinking differently.

Confidence is sexy. If you feel good inside you will only become more appealing to these women.

[IndiReloaded]

Check out some materials like from David de Angelo. It can help you!

I agree with Henry. Doc Love or DdeA can probably give you the confidence to go out and date girls. Don't bother buying anything tho. Look up DdeA on Utube or Doc Love on askmen.com.

Just remember they are all about the *dating* stage. These guys can help you but they are also 'player trainers'. Once you are in a relationship, its up to you.

Ygg is right tho. Not everything they say applies to every guy, so use your judgement. Take what they say about marriage/LTR w/a grain of salt. I don't think DdeA is married. Not sure about DL.

At this point tho, trying *something* is better than nothing.

[nardAJC]

ETOH = alcohol

I don't have a problem with medications for occasional full-fledged panic attacks (the kind that include physically measureable symptoms), but I don't care for them being used routinely for shyness. BTW - what you describe (shaking and crying at McDonalds?) goes beyond shyness. So tell me: are you shy, or are you suffering from a full-blown psychiatric disorder?

I do suffer from what is called social phobia, depression and anxiety problems. At the same time, even though I am training to be a shrink, I do not give these labels much credence.

What would you say, In addition to shyness, would a person have problems with if the prospect of ordering a meal (obviously having to talk to a stranger) elicits such a response?

Cheers!

[nardAJC]

I agree with Henry. Doc Love or DdeA can probably give you the confidence to go out and date girls. Don't bother buying anything tho. Look up DdeA on Utube or Doc Love on askmen.com.

Just remember they are all about the *dating* stage. These guys can help you but they are also 'player trainers'. Once you are in a relationship, its up to you.

Ygg is right tho. Not everything they say applies to every guy, so use your judgement. Take what they say about marriage/LTR w/a grain of salt. I don't think DdeA is married. Not sure about DL.

At this point tho, trying *something* is better than nothing.

Many thanks for this mate- i will check these out asap!
Thanks again

[nardAJC]

For whatever reason, you lack self-esteem. I think many people suffer in different ways from this.

However, your fear of rejection is unwaranted it seems. You have women around you that seem to find you attractive, yet for whatever reason, you are choosing to listen to the voice that is telling you you must be making it up.

Why? Because it's easier to listen to the negative thoughts than the positive ones?

If you are shy, recognize it. Figure out why you don't have confidence (i.e. some girl telling you you suck about something) and then recognize it for the lie you tell yourself and start thinking differently.

Confidence is sexy. If you feel good inside you will only become more appealing to these women.

Thanks heaps for this!

Would you agree with the 'fake it 'til you make it' approach? Like even if I don't feel confident act it, and I will eventually feel this way...

How do you find the best way to feel happy inside?

[vashti]

I do suffer from what is called social phobia, depression and anxiety problems. At the same time, even though I am training to be a shrink, I do not give these labels much credence.

What would you say, In addition to shyness, would a person have problems with if the prospect of ordering a meal (obviously having to talk to a stranger) elicits such a response?

Cheers!

Well, I don't think you'd need to worry about getting fat.

[IndiReloaded]

Would you agree with the 'fake it 'til you make it' approach? Like even if I don't feel confident act it, and I will eventually feel this way...

Of course. In fact, it applies to almost everything, not just dating.

When I was starting consulting I was often thinking "I dunno if I can do this (huge project)." But what I always said was "Sure."

You can do soooo much more than you think. ALL of you. Say yes, and then figure it out later. That's all 'fake it to make it' means. Just like that Jim Carrey movie that was out recently. Be a Yes Man. LOL.

[Aeradalia]

I do suffer from what is called social phobia, depression and anxiety problems. At the same time, even though I am training to be a shrink, I do not give these labels much credence.

What would you say, In addition to shyness, would a person have problems with if the prospect of ordering a meal (obviously having to talk to a stranger) elicits such a response?

Cheers!

Had really, really bad social phobia when I was younger... they had me on fluoxetine for a while... therapy... etc.

In the end none of that helped. What helped me the most was actually DOING something and not thinking about it.

I made a complete ass out of myself in public places... stuttered until I was red in face and wanted to die... stood in place at Wal-Mart as people walked by being overwhelmed by the thunderous roar of the place...

Rather than tell myself how stupid I was when I freaked out... I'd go back for more. I kept forcing myself... until eventually, I learned how to relax... learned that I wasn't going to die from embarrassment... and the world wasn't going to pay attention to me for very long at all.

Once I figured all that out... then I started to work on my pitiful social skills, and gained even more confidence as I learned what to do in many commonly occuring social scenes. I also learned how to shrug off social mistakes.... like calling someone by the wrong name... or stuttering.




You're scared... that's all social phobia is. The only way to overcome it is to force your mind to deal with it. You do that by removing yourself from your comfort zone... by offering no 'other way out' than by facing your fear.