Lost and hurt; need advice badly

[Bambina]

I know that this thread is friggin old but I have to comment anyway.

@SelflessnHumble
You gave good advice, I admit that. But what irks me is that you coldly state that he doesn't love her like it's 100% fact. It kinda pisses me off since you can't know that for sure. Your relationship and hers are 2 different things.

He's an ass - check
She should leave - check
He doesn't love her - there's no way for us to know what's really going on.

@Bambina

Tell us how it's going, ok?

It wasn't really necessary to bring this up again but oh well... There's no need to criticize SelflessnHumble since he was right all along, I think. Loads of thanks to him for telling me all of that.

All is over and done with (almost) and I'm doing ok, so I consider this thread as finished. No reason to bring it up again.

Leave him so you can have a Life. It's not your fault, it's his problem. After you stay so many times after he has cheated it becomes your fault too.

I know what you mean... But I hope that you can see my point in all of this. Anyway, this story is over.

[Ironox]

The kind of intense emotional suffering you are experiencing even hurts to recall or imagine.

Since our emotions cause our attention to decrease focus, the more emotional we are the more difficult it is to think clearly, which, of course, always makes emotionally intense situations worse.

It may help a bit if you realize that nobody knows what you should do. In other words, it isn't just you who don't know what should do; none of the rest of us do, either.

This is because our actions or inactions always have consequences, and it is always impossible to know in advance what those consequences will be. What would they be 5 months from now if, for example, you filed for divorce? 5 years from now? 5 decades from now? Nobody has a clue. It's part of our human condition.

Another way to look at it is to realize that the future is a delusion. Have you ever been able to live tomorrow today? Of course now. The future is nothing but a set of thoughts or imaginings. It never arrives.

Your problem occurs in the new, the present moment. Now is when you don't really understand who you are or what you are doing. All living occurs in the present moment.

You have suffered an important loss of trust. It's difficult to think this way, but, always, losses are also opportunities. The emptiness and heartache you are experiencing can be an opening to a better way of living. In fact, that loss may be exactly what you needed to rock you out of the unrealistic comfort zone you were living in, right?

You are infinitely valuable. You, though, don't believe that about yourself. Your self esteem may already have been low, and it's taken a hit.

The good news is that your self esteem is wholly within your control. There are free pages online that can help you with boosting self-esteem (but I'm new here and cannot post any samples for you).

You already have everything you need to live well. The problem is that you do not yet realize it. I hope that you use your present crisis to move towards that realization. Best wishes!