Girlfriends past is haunting me....Ladies advice please

[BackUpOrGetStng]

So it's as I thought, she was afraid of you judging or leaving her, that's why she lied.

Make sure you tell her that you are not going to judge her for anything she did in the past (unless she killed somebody or something), and that you never EVER want her to lie to you again. Lies will not be tolerated from now on, because without trust there can be no relationship.

You should be fine after that.

^^^This is ****ing hilarious and typical. "Just tell her you won't judge her and she'll stop lying." Searock, I think you could make a good living writing children's fairy tales.

The girl is a liar, and will continue to lie. Carmine, you know you should leave this chick, but you're just being a bitch right now, otherwise you wouldn't even be here. You know you should leave, but you lack the testicular fortitude. I think you should marry this skank, and be sure to come back and let us know when guys 3 and 4 show up.

[searock]

BackUp, she only lied about that one thing, because she was afraid she might have left her. It's an irrational reason of course, and it's not a justification, but it's an understandable reason, given that she previously was with guys that would have done exactly that (left her).

I'm not saying that everything will be fine, just that as long as she doesn't ever lie again, it will be fine. Obviously if he ever finds out that she lied to him again, even about something seemingly insignificant, he should walk away. Giving her another chance doesn't mean that he should cover his eyes and pay no attention to possible ulterior red flags.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Are you retarded? Maybe it's only this one thing(that's she's been caught for), but she's already lied twice about it. Closet full of pregnancy tests sounds like there's a lot more to the story, even still. Telling a liar you don't want them to lie to you is like asking a hungry grizzly bear not to eat to you.

As long as someone whose already been caught twice, lying to trap someone, doesn't lie again everything will be fine?? Since every time I bring up what you do for work, you change the subject, I'm going to assume you are unemployed, and I will suggest again that you start writing children's fairy tales.

[KingZ]

YEAH, SEAROCK! ARE YOU RETARDED?!

That'll teach her.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

It was rhetorical. She ****ed up counting to 2.

[searock]

BackUp, she lied twice (or maybe even more than twice, by omission), but always about the same thing. The reason she lied about it was that she was afraid he would have judged her or even left her, and she thought so because of her past experiences with men who did that to her.

He should give her a chance, after making sure that she knows that (a) he will not judge her or leave her because of her past sexual encounters, as long as she doesn't lie about it anymore, and (b) any further lies will not be tolerated.

Sure, she might actually be a pathological liar. I'm just saying, give her a chance. If she is a pathological liar, he'll find out soon enough, he can leave then.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Doesn't really matter how many times she's lied. She has not told the truth about this once.

I did agree with you that they should stay together.

[searock]

She admitted to having slept with two guys after divorcing her husband though, right?

What should happen is that he tells her those two things I mentioned, then she comes clean 100%, then they move on with their life together. He should keep his eyes open, but he should give her another chance, and that includes a certain measure of trust (otherwise there's no point even trying). On her part, she should promise to never lie again, and hold true to that promise. If they can both do their part, they'll be fine.

[KingZ]

This is kind of an annoying problem. The only person who's going to make a solid call here is OP. The lie was borderline too much, but in a simple situation of a woman lying about previous sex partners to avoid getting dumped, it's perfectly understandable and forgivable, assuming she doesn't lie anymore. There was just something about the way OP told the story. I dunno.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Considering Mr. Potato Head's complexion, and the fact he comes with ears, a simple, you look like Mr. Potato Head, would have sufficed.

I knew you couldn't stay away from me. So it's safe to assume, you're as attracted to me as the rest of the ladies are?

[KingZ]

Naw. It was an opportunity to put you down and repay the retarded girl for defending my honor against one of the Canadians in some thread forever ago. Two birds, one stone kind of thing. Unfortunately, I didn't do a very good job. Next time...

[bekho]

Wow I've had girlfriends like this. Always lying about their past. A ) they solve problems, by avoiding them. b) they have skeletons in the closet that they are ashamed of. C) they've forgotten that trust and honesty are core to healthy relationships because they've become so broken from their own.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

[MrKnobby]

There is a saying...." A leopard never changes its spots".

When I date anyone I always give them a chance, even when I get the feeling that they may be a liar. If they tell lies I present an ultimatum. Persist with the dishonesty and I am gone.

Someone who really does love you will try their best to change their ways. If they do not, they, don't care about you and the best thing you can do is leave them alone. Stay with them at your own peril.

[cookies27]

Women who sleep around have low self esteem. She was probably feeling terrible after her failed marriage (you also said he was a "bad boy" type, so maybe he wasn't so nice to her either?)

I am no stranger to lying to protect myself. I feel like she probably never thought in a million years that she would meet someone to make her feel that way again, and she went out and yeah, was a bit stupid and did things she probably shouldn't have done.

However, it's no excuse for her continuing to lie about it now. She might as well fess up to the rest of it, because I'm sure the actual acts don't bother you as much as the not knowing the whole story part.

I think you ought to confront her about it all. You can't marry her not knowing the whole truth, and she shouldn't want to marry you either having kept things from you.

[carmine_1]

Women who sleep around have low self esteem. She was probably feeling terrible after her failed marriage (you also said he was a "bad boy" type, so maybe he wasn't so nice to her either?)

I am no stranger to lying to protect myself. I feel like she probably never thought in a million years that she would meet someone to make her feel that way again, and she went out and yeah, was a bit stupid and did things she probably shouldn't have done.

However, it's no excuse for her continuing to lie about it now. She might as well fess up to the rest of it, because I'm sure the actual acts don't bother you as much as the not knowing the whole story part.

I think you ought to confront her about it all. You can't marry her not knowing the whole truth, and she shouldn't want to marry you either having kept things from you.

Hello All,

So it seems you have all been busy since I last checked,

So....Cookies27 stated, I am not bothered by the acts as much as not knowing the whole story.....When someone lies and tells you that you shared all these intimate moments with you, and you find out later that, what she told you was fabricated to make you feel a certain way, that hurts......ALLOT ......can I find reasons to forgive and understand the reason for the lie?.... yes and no. Yes I understand, no women want s to divulge her past, I get that....but when we got together, I asked her, casually, "sooo....have you been dating since the split?" I even asked if she was with anyone when we first got together, something like "look I really like you, but if you're having fun dating and and flirting, and all that, I don't want to jam you up," Her response was, "no I have been on three horrible dates since the split and thats it" So for me I'm like "score!" I jump in the sack with her, she says I'm the first one, and alll her friends said "oh just wait till that first time with someone new after the divorce" She told me about this conversation with her friends, So of course I asked "SOOOOO how was it?" was it everything your friends said it would?.....she went on and on about how long it been since she had sex with anyone, and she was soooo glad it was me after all these years......and BLAH BLAH.......

So you can understand that the to find out later that it wasn't me at all it was 2 before me maybe more, and not knowing that whole story is really frustrating.........It's the mind set of a women that goes out and sleeps around just to sleep around, I would have understood one......but two in 4 months, and most likely more, it's the thought process I don't like, "IM DIVORCED IM GOING TO GO SLEEP WITH EVERY CUTE GUY I CAN FIND" I'm not sure that a women who thinks like that is a women I want to marry, it screams low self esteem, low self worth, and viewing sex like a handshake.....I didn't go out and sleep around after my divorce, I had kids, and work and things to do, and respect for myself....I could have......and there were plenty of opportunities.....i chose not to, and I thought she was on the same level as me when it came to that......so all this just kind of takes the wind out of your sails......Doesn't mean she a bad person, in fact, over the last two years I have come to know an amazing women.....and the way she is in life....her personality everything about her, is in line with me, and how I see things......EXCEPT for this....so here I am I meet the women of my dreams, the relationship is awesome, everything is great.....living with her day to day is so much fun.....and then there is THIS thing in the back of my head......

So I haven't talked to her about it yet.....I'm getting there

So I'm still thinking about it, it's still on my mind,

- - - Updated - - -

This is kind of an annoying problem. The only person who's going to make a solid call here is OP. The lie was borderline too much, but in a simple situation of a woman lying about previous sex partners to avoid getting dumped, it's perfectly understandable and forgivable, assuming she doesn't lie anymore. There was just something about the way OP told the story. I dunno.

What do you mean by "there was just something about the way I told the story" ??