Why do guys who are ugly think they have a chance?

[warriormaiden]

I had absolutely never heard that term and had to look it up.... and I'm not sure you are using it correctly. From what I'm reading, it seems to be defined as one of two similar things. Either:

A) Somebody who defines themselves as wanting a relationship but being unable to find one (Involuntarily celibate = incel)

Or the more Internet-accepted use

B) Somebody who defines themselves as wanting a relationship but being unable to find one (Involuntarily celibate = incel) and blames everybody else (and most often whichever gender is their sexual interest) when in reality their obvious crappy attitude likely has a lot more to do with it. (In other words, they are involuntarily celibate almost entirely through their own fault.)

...Oh, wait... I think I'm starting to see the connection you were implying. Never mind. I withdrawal my comment that I think you were using this wrong. ;-)

Correct.
But they also believe that only BEAUTIFUL men can have relationships. So in an Incel's mind, if you don't look like Thor or Captain America, you will NEVER find a girlfriend EVER. And it wouldn't be fair FOR you to have a girlfriend if you don't look like a Thor clone, because girls are......vain, vapid creatures and all that we take notice of are looks. :-)

[TheEvilJester]

Yes, faking it until you make it can work, to an extent. Its far better to be actively taking the steps towards your goals and being who you want to be though, which cab just be baby steps. Progress is still progress. But. You really do have to believe in yourself though, or eventually.


I would say it's normal to not 100% like everything about yourself, in fact, I would say that's healthy.
A person should always want something more out of themselves, and to become better.

It's a happy medium, too far in any direction will ruin you, but it's really better to lean further in the "I got this" direction and honestly even come off as a little cocky then it is to fall into the "I won't ever succeed" mindtrap.

And the reality is, confidence isn't saying "I will always succeed", that's fake confidence, that's when you stumble into arrogance. Real confidence is saying "im going to give this my best, but even if I don't succeed. I will be alright"

Overall, I think the "if you don't love yourself" line is better translated or interpreted as that you don't find happiness just from other people. That only gets you so far. What happens when youve been around that same person for a year, and the new luster has gone? You'll fall back into that "I don't like myself" mindset.

And the reality is. To be with someone, whether it's a friend, or a lover, etc. It's quite exhausting to have to constantly try to reassure someone of their worth, or that they can accomplish their goals, if they don't believe in themselves. There's a lot of things that we can't do for other people in this world. The best another person can do is lead a horse to water, but you can never make it drink.

Personally, I don't have the energy to be with people that are like that, or, at least in large doses.
People that are that way are often in limited contact with me in my life. My positive influences I get things in return from being by them and around them. Really negative people will rob you of your enthusiasm, and will rub off onto you.

I don't view much to be gained from listening to someone that just says "-my life sucks" in 100 different variations. I'll listen, but I can only take so much before I feel exhausted listening to it. Bad days are acceptable, everyone can complain at times. I'm talking chronic, day in and day out bitter types.. I'd much rather listen to someone who is talking about their plans and goals to correct what they feel is lacking in their life, versus the person who makes no attempt to move or change in their life, but instead just endure it. Unfortunately there are a lot of people like that in the world.

I watched a great podcast on this, by Joe Rogan.

Oh, no don't misunderstand me. I, in no way what-so-ever, support being a constantly negative person. With my "fake it till you make it" advice, the make it part is just as important. The idea is that by acting confident, by acting happy, by acting like you have an "I've got this" kind of mindset... not only does it help you better attract other people (both romantic interests and even just friends), but it also helps you to start to believe it yourself. In that way, I think Hooo is right. If you are pretending to be confident, ultimately it winds up not being all that different from actually being confident.

I VERY much appreciate you clarifying this, GLYC, because I absolutely do not want to give the mistaken impression that I am saying that you should find your happiness completely in other people. The whole point of my fake it till you make it sort of attitude is meant to help you find it in yourself just as much as it is a way to help you attract other people.

But I 100% agree. You cannot expect your happiness to completely come from somebody else. In our lives, the one and only person we can guarantee will be with us for the rest of our lives is the person staring back at us from the mirror. Ourselves. So you owe it to yourself to find happiness in that person most of all. If your happiness is 100% tied up in other people.... well, maybe those people will stick around and you'll be fine.... but maybe some day things will go bad with them.... or maybe they'll move and be far away... or any number of things that could cause them to be removed from your life.

Believe me, I've been with overly negative people. I've even been married to one of them. I absolutely do NOT condone that at all. Personally, even in my darkest times, I can still find reasons to be happy, reasons to have positive things to say rather than only complain. Life can suck plenty hard on its own. We don't need to help it suck worse by constantly being so negative.

So, yes, I completely agree with you. The "fake it till you make it" sort of approach I am talking about MUST eventually result in you actually feeling better about yourself naturally. Otherwise it would just be a "fake it" approach. LOL!

Correct.
But they also believe that only BEAUTIFUL men can have relationships. So in an Incel's mind, if you don't look like Thor or Captain America, you will NEVER find a girlfriend EVER. And it wouldn't be fair FOR you to have a girlfriend if you don't look like a Thor clone, because girls are......vain, vapid creatures and all that we take notice of are looks. :-)

That, I will have to admit, is something I could personally never get. As much as I've always been a hopeless romantic.... as much as I've always felt the weight of the hopeless part of that.... as much as part of me always has and probably always will think I will never find love.... I can't find it in me to resent other people who do find it. I am happy for them and want them to find love. I guess I still believe in true love... I just don't necessarily believe it is meant for me, no matter how much I may have always wanted it in the past. Even in my darkest times, I have never and could never wish for the world to share in my darkness. I would never wish ill upon somebody merely because they found love when I feel I never will.

[Hooo!]

I agree
However it matters not so much:

If you act brave you are brave
Wether you perceive yourself as brave doesn’t matter that much

If you act confident you are perceived as confident
Wether you see yourself as confident doesn’t matter sooo much

It matters more with confidence because not feeling confident will make it harder acting confident. But as soon as you are acting confident it doesn’t really matter so much anymore

[jeffersson]

A lot of guys just don't put in the proper work. I'd say, most "ugly" guys have already given up.

It's really a self fulfilling prophecy, if you think you're doomed to fail, you will sabotage any chance of success. I personally know people like this, I asked someone about some dating things, and he just said, "no woman will ever go out with me", and yet, he never even really tried. He gave up before he even attempted.

If you think you have problems, you need to analyze your problems for what they are and find a better way.

I'm not saying that a person has to be cocky, or have an ego, in fact you shouldn't. But you do have to value what you bring to the table.

It's really about always reevaluating yourself, your goals, how you show up, who you are, etc.

Dating really is a skill and an art in some aspects. Some people naturally have it, some dont.

Is it easier for attractive people to date? Course. Especially if they know they're attractive. They're likely more confident and social as a result of that. They naturally project a better presence because they think more highly of themselves. Because they think more highly of themselves, they often take better care of themselves. Obviously like previously stated in this thread, that can go too far.

But anybody can get in good shape, anybody can dress nice, can learn the skills, etc.

yeah i noted that too, that many so called ugly guys are not even ugly. but this is not the case for me, i am a legit 1 of 10 on the look scale, my looks is so bad that i cant even get friends and people make fun of me all the time.

i tried getting friends and even dating, i have approached 1000+ people and all of them declined. its over for me.

i do have problems, i have 100+ physical flaws and my iq is low, i did everything in my power to fix myself but nothing is working.

[Hooo!]

Bullshit

I have just googled who the ugliest person in the whole world is.

Turns out she is a motivational speaker

If you don’t have any friends then it’s not your looks.

[jeffersson]

Hooo!


only because some who is very ugly had sucess it does not mean that vast majority of very ugly people will have sucess. she is a woman and i am a man. very ugly guys are seen as creeps, losers, criminals etc.

people would for sure feel ashamed to have me as a friend due to my looks. only few people accept very ugly guys, but i dont have the personality to even get them to like me, because my iq is too low.

[pcmaster]

Dont say your IQ is low. But rather ask what you can do to increase your IQ.

[jeffersson]

well it is.

i already increased as much as possible but it is not enough.

[Hooo!]

You think that ugly people who aren’t intelligent can’t find friends.

Well go to a home of people with Down syndrome then.
You would be surprised.

You are just making excuses that are outside of your control because you perceive your situation to be unchangeable

I understand that this delusion seems important to you p

[CantMoveOn]

Your IQ can't be that low jeffersson you can work a computer.

[MsLondonB]

I am truly baffled why anyone is wasting their precious time and energy even responding to this nonsense thread. Time that should be devoted to others who truly need help and advice.

You think OP gives a crap what anyone thinks?

OP is a troll and posted the same thing on several other forums.

You're all being played, big time!

[jeffersson]

You think that ugly people who aren’t intelligent can’t find friends.

Well go to a home of people with Down syndrome then.
You would be surprised.

You are just making excuses that are outside of your control because you perceive your situation to be unchangeable

I understand that this delusion seems important to you p

then i am the most ugly guy in the whole world while also having low iq. as i said i have approached 1000 + people, ALL of them where not intrested in me. nobody wants to talk with me. i have been alone my whole life.

- - - Updated - - -

Your IQ can't be that low jeffersson you can work a computer.

i am lacking something in my brain. i cant talk with people. how is it possible to go whole life with zero friends and zero female attention and how is it possible to approached 1000+ people and none of them wanted to be even my friend or talk to me? my life is over. i am thinking about killing myself.

[Hooo!]

Please go to a doctor and or psychologist now.
I absolutely 100% believe that it is a way of behaviour you betray or something that you do - something that needs to be identified and changed.
I know for sure that - with practice and help- you will be able to lead a content life.

However you do seem to need help from the outside. So please go and get it.
It is worth a try.

[lovebroken]

I am truly baffled why anyone is wasting their precious time and energy even responding to this nonsense thread. Time that should be devoted to others who truly need help and advice.

You think OP gives a crap what anyone thinks?

OP is a troll and posted the same thing on several other forums.

You're all being played, big time!

This website is over run by trolls and fake accounts and for so long I think people just look past at this point and go with the flow of whatever the fake post is addressing.

[pcmaster]

We have a discussion here for people who need this not OP. Jefferson can find here a lot of useful info if he opens up to new possibilities and stops being so stubborn and narrow minded.