Part 2

[Cain]

Honestly, I think she sounds like she wants to do some guilt-free partying. She may want to come back if there aren't enough boys out there stroking her ego.

If this was anyone else, I'd agree with you. That's just not her. She hasn't partied since Freshman year of college. She's not a big party goer. She'll go to the bar with her roommate or friends and that's it. She doesn't go to parties. And she's just not the really flirty type... unless she's just gone into a complete change in the last week... that's not her.

[Cain]

Cain, to be honest?

I don't think you'll be getting back together, unless you're both secretly staying mutual to each other.

With an indefinite time line to this "break", and you're disposition to refrain from pressuring her any, (pressure isn't always a bad thing), I think what will end up happening is you'll both simply grow apart, especially considering you live so far away from each other and you both have your own life agenda to follow.

However, should this actually be the break up (without yous knowin' it yet), it'll be a shit load less painful this way, than goin' cold turkey.

I tried to quit Amy cold turkey because she wasn't gonna give us a chance. I blubbered like a little baby, but she still broke first. So I won that round.

I'm not going to wish luck to this relationship because I have little faith in it, however, I do wish luck to you, your good decision making, and your future.

Then what would you suggest in this situation. Keep in mind that as long as she and I have a chance, I'm not throwing it away. And the break isn't indefinite. If I feel like there's absolutely no progress when it comes time for me to decide between staying here or going to school there, I won't be going.

[Junket]

Then what would you suggest in this situation. Keep in mind that as long as she and I have a chance, I'm not throwing it away. And the break isn't indefinite. If I feel like there's absolutely no progress when it comes time for me to decide between staying here or going to school there, I won't be going.

I don't really suggest anything, it's too soon to tell.

The best action right now is inaction.

But you're already doing that.

-shrug-

I think you're doing fine.

[IndiReloaded]

He's just saying you need to keep your expectations in control. I don't think Fras was necessarily saying you need to DO anything.

Or mbe I'm wrong. But I don't see how pressuring her would do anything other than hasten an inevitable break IF Fras is right.

EDIT, beat me to it, Fras. But at least I got it right.

[shh!]

If this was anyone else, I'd agree with you. That's just not her. She hasn't partied since Freshman year of college. She's not a big party goer. She'll go to the bar with her roommate or friends and that's it. She doesn't go to parties. And she's just not the really flirty type... unless she's just gone into a complete change in the last week... that's not her.

You know what, hun? You don't know that she's not the flirty type. She isn't done growing up. Before I was done cooking, I was painfully shy and completely devoid of confidence. Then I grew up and developed the qualities I lacked.

She may not be a partier, but there isn't a straight girl in the world who doesn't enjoy male attention. She may be getting some, and may very well be enjoying it, whether or not she is boozing it up.

[Cain]

You know what, hun? You don't know that she's not the flirty type. She isn't done growing up. Before I was done cooking, I was painfully shy and completely devoid of confidence. Then I grew up and developed the qualities I lacked.

She may not be a partier, but there isn't a straight girl in the world who doesn't enjoy male attention. She may be getting some, and may very well be enjoying it, whether or not she is boozing it up.

Everyone loves attention. All women love male attention and all men love female attention. My point is simply that she's not the type to break up a relationship so that she can go out and flirt with all kinds of guys cause it's fun. If I'm wrong, I'll never assume I know a woman again, because she just isn't the type.

Anyways, I know that she hasn't been getting male attention right now because she's not at school... unless the 7 year olds that go to the daycamp she worked at are hitting on her.

[Cain]

He's just saying you need to keep your expectations in control. I don't think Fras was necessarily saying you need to DO anything.

Or mbe I'm wrong. But I don't see how pressuring her would do anything other than hasten an inevitable break IF Fras is right.

EDIT, beat me to it, Fras. But at least I got it right.

I'm a little confused now.

If I put pressure on her and there was a chance we'd get back together, the pressure will likely push her away. If I do pressure her and we break up... it was inevitable?

[Charlie Boy II]

You're always cataloging people into "types". "She's not the type of person to...", or "I'm not the type of person that..." Real life isn't so simple. People have a wide, unpredictable spectrum of behaviour.

I'm not directing this at you, but in real life, as soon as someone begins a sentence with "I'm the kind of person that..." I write them off as a moron.

[Cain]

You're always cataloging people into "types". "She's not the type of person to...", or "I'm not the type of person to do that." Real life isn't so simple. People have a wide, unpredictable spectrum of behaviour.

I'm not directing this at you, but in real life, as soon as someone begins a sentence with "I'm the kind of person that..." I write them off as a moron.

Then what should I say? Should I just say "It's not like her..."?

[shh!]

I'm just telling you what I am thinking. Maybe I am wrong (and I hope I am), but if she was the type you thought she was, why is she asking for a break? I don't trust all of her non-answers (unless maybe there are more details you are keeping to yourself?).

[Cain]

I'm just telling you what I am thinking. Maybe I am wrong (and I hope I am), but if she was the type you thought she was, why is she asking for a break? I don't trust all of her non-answers (unless maybe there are more details you are keeping to yourself?).

Not really. Without reading everything I've said, I'm pretty sure I've said all that I know so far. If she broke up with me so she could have guilt-free flirting or male attention, I'd be over this whole thing so much easier and quicker, and there would be no getting back with her.

Who knows... maybe I am wrong. Maybe that's exactly why she broke up with me. If that's the case though, then I'm liable to think she's a bitch, only because of how serious the relationship we had was.

[shh!]

She's too vague. I find it frustrating. Maybe you should just get rid of her and date 1AJ... he is such a nice guy, and he shaves his legs, so you'd get to be the boy.

[Cain]

She's too vague. I find it frustrating. Maybe you should just get rid of her and date 1AJ... he is such a nice guy, and he shaves his legs, so you'd get to be the boy.

That's why the visit will be good. On the phone, it's too easy for her to kind of turn the conversation away from what we're trying to talk about. She's hard to read on the phone.

All I want to do is get a read on her face to face to gauge this thing. I'm not moving there if we don't have a chance. That would be a waste.

Basically, last night, she tried telling me that there were things (little things, IMO) that she didn't realize bothered her until after we broke up, and I'm starting to think that they only bother her now because she's trying to convince herself that we either weren't good for each other or that she was justified in breaking things off so she doesn't feel bad about it.

The night we broke up (which I just realized today was our ten month anniversary from when we got back together from the last break... lol?), I said "well, at least we'll save money" since we wouldn't have to visit each other every 2 or 3 weeks and she said she had to go. She said last night that it really crushed her when I said that... and then I've said two other things that she said has made her feel really bad, and I didn't think they were too bad... and if she had no feelings for me, I don't see why they'd bother her.

One was "It's a good thing we didn't follow through with that marriage, eh?" and the other was "I feel like I was the only one invested in this relationship." The first comment was in regards to the fact that we ALMOST got legally married but were going to hide it from everyone until we did it for real. The second comment was after she made it seem like things just disappeared... not her feelings, but her wanting to be with me.

[Cain]

I'm still waiting for her to remove the pictures of us on her Facebook too.

Just odd that she hasn't yet... especially since she's kept the captions she had on them and changed her status to "I'm single."

She most likely doesn't even remember they're there. Hah.

[anachronistic]

She's dumb.

Find a girl that's not so dumb, and with less emotional problems.