Any positive advice would be appreciate it.i'm desperate to save my marriage..

[bearz]

I bet if op fixed it with mom in law...she and hubby situation would be better

That is true. However, in order to get to that point a lot of things have to get fixed. Her mother in law went crazy way before that, it all started with the wedding plans. The whole "you can't stay at our place" was just more fuel added to the fire which got out of control. The OP and her husband need to have a heart-to-heart and discuss how to move forward in regards to their families and then go from there.

[elevator]

Firstly, I personally would have just thanked her for convincing your husband to have a larger wedding; it was a very nice gesture. She did you a favor...I'm not sure why it's so important for you to have been the one to convince your husband...mothers have their ways and she was acting benevolently. I too would have thought you were ungrateful and petty.

However, considering you live in such a small place, with a small baby...if I was your husband I would have just communicated this to the parents 'Look, we're very cramped, it's not that you're not wanted but we're going to be tripping over each other' etc. There's always a nice way of doing something...we don't always have to be blunt, especially where parents are concerned. Failing that I would have suggested maybe having them over for a few days/weeks instead...and then finding some alternative accommodation. Some compromise.

Sometimes we have to put ourselves out...I've done that for partners and they've done that for me. My ex's mum was a bit of a witch so we just dealt with that together, I didn't want to make life harder for him. Similarly, he understood the amount of attention I had to give my own parents on account of their age/disability.

That said, she is a cow for suggesting divorce, especially when you have a newborn.

[michelle23]

I dont think she should apologize for telling them they cannot stay in her tiny apartment for 3 months. She was not being unreasonable. Most sane people would not want to live that way anyway

Also it was well out of order for his family to tell him to divorce her.

And he was out of order for letting his parents just turn up without agreeing with her first and then he let her kick them out when he should have been the one doing that.

[michelle23]

You just came in this forum and blamed him without giving any advice. That wasn't helpful at all and neither in my opinion was michelle when totally siding with her without giving a solution.

Excuse me wakeup but this was my first piece of advice and there was plenty of “solutions” there.

I think there were mistakes on all sides. And most of it boils down to bad communication.

You need to talk to your husband. He should be your best friend and you and he should be a team. Any decisions should be discussed together before involving anyone else. He needs to learn to stand up to his parents. They have no right to tell him to divorce you and he needs to make it clear to them that he will not tolerate that. And he should have put his foot down about them staying. If I just had a new baby I would want to be alone with my husband and my child in my own home most of the time. Especially an apartment that is only big enough for three people. They should have understood that. If it was only for 3 days-Id say fine but 3 months? no way!

I am guessing you are both young and both of you have dealt with the situation with his parents badly. You need to support each other and tell your husband that you do not expect him to choose between his mother and you. You understand that she is an important part of his life and respect that but he has his own family now and he needs to put you and your child first.

I recommend some relationship counselling. Your husbands family are trying to turn him against you and you have a baby to think about. You need him more than they do and he does not need the stress that they are placing on him.

You were the one who started throwing the insults around when I disagreed with you (all I said was “Im sorry but I don’t agree that the solution is for her to move out of her home”) and I quote you on your defensive insulting tactics

I guess there's a good reason why marriages don't last anymore when y'all are so intent on being unyielding and self-concerned. *shrugs*

I don’t want to get into another debate and I don’t care what your opinion of me is but please don’t insult my intelligence by saying my advice is not helpful. You may disagree with me on some things but I have just as much right to be here as you do.

I will also add that my solution is for the OP to first work this whole mess out with her husband and worry about his parents when she is sure her marriage is rock solid and they can show a united front. Communication is the one thing they are lacking and that needs to change. Her leaving her home is letting them think that they can come in and push her out and I thought that was very bad advice because his mum will feel like she won this battle and it should not be about that. Its not a war but I didnt attack you on it. I just disagreed with you.

[Wakeup]

Take it to bearz. Maybe he gives a shit.