mutual, mature, breakups....are they possible?

[Perryville]

A lot of it is impression. I am very demanding about personality issues, because I'm a single parent, and I want the woman I choose to be able to fit into my family and love my kids as much as if they were her own.Sexually, I'm very outgoing, and truly love the Ladies. I'm an attractive guy, so the impression is that I'm a player, because I "go through", a lot of women, when all I'm trying to do is find the Lady, who will be the life-partner, I seek. When I was married, I was completely faithful, and more than willing to compromise.

[IndiReloaded]

You want too much and your expectations aren't aligned with reality. You want women who will treat your kids as if they were their own & then not get upset when you break up with them? Ridiculous.

If you want to keep it light and casual, don't introduce these gals to something as important as your kids.

If your kids are young, you shouldn't even be introducing them to your flings until you are reasonably certain they are somewhat permanent. Kids can't control their attachment to people, especially if they are looking for a substitute mom. Don't you claim to be the responsible parent?

[Perryville]

Indie, you make some good points. I never introduce my kids to ANY of my "flings". This is one of the reasons, that My affairs are so short-lived. When I have dated a woman, and gotten to know something about her, I will ask myself if I think she is right for my family, if the answer is "no", I will end it, or make sure that she understands that it is a sexual relationship, only. Very, very few people, not in the family, will meet my kids. Their protection is my first priority

[vashti]

How old are your kids, Perry? Are they still in touch with their momma?

[Perryville]

3 and 5, and only sporadically. She isn't "cut out for motherhood", or so she says. She is currently living with her "mentor", her (female) art Prof. She told me that she was emotionally a Lesbian, but sexually straight......Whatever! She wonders in from time to time, to say hi to the kids and **** me.

[vashti]

They are so little! I can't even begin to imagine how someone could become so disconnected... I mean, no offense, but leaving your man is one thing, but leaving your babies?

It must be very hard for you sometimes. I am glad you understand the need to protect them from emotional attachments to transitory women.

[Perryville]

Well, she is a total whack-job, but at least an honest one. I have full custody and am in control of visitation, as well. She agreed to everything, I asked for. But this begs the point about my relationships with women. I want a life partner, and won't settle for anything less. I'm very careful to explain this to any woman, I begin to have feelings for. So when I break it off, why do they cling to me? If it's just a sexual thing, or even if it's an emotional thing, they always want to continue it. Why?

[vashti]

If you are beginning to have feelings for them, then why are you breaking it off at all? (or did I misunderstand you?)

I don't think women (in general) really believe it when a man says he isn't interested in a relationship, and a lot of women try to transform themselves into the woman they think the object of their affection is looking for. So, if you say you don't think things are going to work out because you want a woman who loves your kids, for example, you can be sure she will start pretending to love your kids. And again, I think this tendancy is amplified during child bearing years, when women start to worry about their biological clocks.

[Perryville]

Maybe I'm just too picky, but I'm very obsessive about who will be the mother of my kids. It's probably because their real mother is such a flake. I have had relationships with Ladies, where I was really interested, only to find out that there is something wrong, later. To be honest, I'm not rich, there are lots of men , who are better looking than I am, and I'm a very demanding person. It's very puzzling.

[vashti]

Not to minimize your desireability, which I am sure is significant, but really - women in that age range really CAN be quite desperate. Just hold to your standards. Women can do a lot of damage to young kids.

[Gigabitch]

You have a lot of baggage, Perry. How much baggage would you accept from a potential partner? What if you met a woman with two little kids and an ex whom she occasionally hooked up with?

[lahnnabell]

Yeah, the hooking up occasionally with your ex-wife raised a red flag for me...

[Perryville]

I agree with all of you. I should never have sex with her again, because I wouldn't be very understanding, if the shoe was on the other foot, and a woman I was seeing was doing the same thing. The problem is that my ex is extremely desirable, and we have always had a WONDERFUL sex life. It was one of the few things we did well, together. If only she were a better, more mature mother. Or any kind of mother, at all!! I used to love her, so much!!

[Moe]

Perryville

You have to be very careful with the kids dude. My ex-wife left when my daughter was only 4 years old. I dated for a while never bringing women around and I broke off everyone when it got to the point of talking about the kids and them accepting them as there own.
One women came into my life though and when it got to that time I explained just like the rest of them and she said all the right things and literally got on her knees and begged me and swore she would never hurt my kids. Well three years later she upped and left for no good apparent reason other then she slipped back into her past that wasn't a good one.
My daughter who is now a preteen is devastated and is in counseling and will be scarred for life because of the selfishness of someone else. This low life didn't even call her for Christmas and I had to watch my daughter cry for hours, why do my mommies hate me. My older son moved out and blames me, my middle son has ran away several times and neither has talked to me in months both blaming me. This women was as perfect has a mom as you can ever want until the day she left. Absolutely perfect.
She has not only thrown my 3 under the bus but her three also, 2 who love me to death and she no longer allows me to see them.
I will not date again until she's at least 18 years old.

[Perryville]

That really, really sucks, Dude. It's like my worst nightmare.