Terrible, terrible week. I don't know what to do please help.

[lahnnabell]

Considering she gets horribly bitter and spiteful when she's angry (no idea why you seem to enjoy putting up with this, but anyway), you would do well to give her the space she seems to be needing.

If she hasn't calmed down by the time she returns, then you need to seriously look at whether or not this relationship is stable enough.

Also, when she does return, don't mention anything about her being mad. Don't ask her if she's still mad. Don't mention the issue. The FIRST thing you should say is, "You have no idea how much I missed you!"

[WaiKru]

Considering she gets horribly bitter and spiteful when she's angry (no idea why you seem to enjoy putting up with this, but anyway), you would do well to give her the space she seems to be needing.

If she hasn't calmed down by the time she returns, then you need to seriously look at whether or not this relationship is stable enough.

Also, when she does return, don't mention anything about her being mad. Don't ask her if she's still mad. Don't mention the issue. The FIRST thing you should say is, "You have no idea how much I missed you!"

How long should I wait to apologize and discuss anything? Should I allow her to bring it up?

[nerdy_guy]

We've broken up and gotten back together probably about 4 times over the course of the relationship.

If you keep playing with the light switch, don't expect to make it work forever.

[Kyouhen]

your right it's unstable, but wouldnt it be better to surprise her in a nice none creepy scary way, before she came back, then her to have to take the step to approach you when she has to return to reality and be even more irate with you

but i guess it depends on her what action to take

[WaiKru]

If you keep playing with the light switch, don't expect to make it work forever.

You're 100% correct sir. And I'm really kicking myself right now...I have no excuse for my past really I wish I could change it.

[hello1]

When I was on my ''break' with my boyfriend, I wanted to be left alone. A text here and there was nice but frustrating to get more. You really need to stop, there are little things which you have done really BUT if they are building up in your g/f mind and one day, she snap and think "no more"

[lahnnabell]

your right it's unstable, but wouldnt it be better to surprise her in a nice none creepy scary way, before she came back, then her to have to take the step to approach you when she has to return to reality and be even more irate with you

but i guess it depends on her what action to take

If she's as angry as he says she is, surprising her could backfire and possibly even ruin some of her vacation time. Then she'd really be pissed off at him.

And I think you should stop apologizing. She knows you're sorry and that you feel awful. That is part of the reason she's extending this guilt trip; she wants to drag you through the mud. This is not a healthy way to deal with an issue as a couple, but you seem to be okay with it. However, I really do feel that as time wears on, you will grow to resent her for these tactics. You groveling like this is only enabling her and putting her on a pedestal which she will continue to use to keep you in check. She has no reason to see what she does is damaging to another person because you take it willingly.

What I really think you need to do is have a conversation about her. Tell her that you missed her and that you would love to see her. Also, tell her that you need to have a conversation about what happened before she left. Tell her that you'll be ready whenever she is, and leave the ball in her court. You can't force her to talk about these issues if she refuses. So, I think she needs a dose of her own medicine: the silent treatment. You'll hear from her a lot sooner than you think. You need to assert yourself in this situation, but you can't do that if you're too busy kissing her ass.

[nerdy_guy]

You're 100% correct sir. And I'm really kicking myself right now...I have no excuse for my past really I wish I could change it.

But if you change it, you'll never learn how to deal with it either. Not looking for an excuse for your actions is a good attitude. Keep it up, and you'll learn a lot more in life.

[WaiKru]

What I really think you need to do is have a conversation about her. Tell her that you missed her and that you would love to see her. Also, tell her that you need to have a conversation about what happened before she left. Tell her that you'll be ready whenever she is, and leave the ball in her court. You can't force her to talk about these issues if she refuses. So, I think she needs a dose of her own medicine: the silent treatment. You'll hear from her a lot sooner than you think. You need to assert yourself in this situation, but you can't do that if you're too busy kissing her ass.

The silent treatment sounds like a good idea. Perhaps it'll let her cool off a little and start being rational as well. I think my biggest obstacle in this whole thing is going to be her genuinely believing something was going on with another girl.

[lahnnabell]

In this instance, the silent treatment can be very powerful. Right now, every time you apologize, you're reminding her of why she was angry in the first place. Stop doing this. Like I said, she knows your sorry. It seems that all she's doing is enjoying being in control of the situation, which has you groveling. I can also tell you that you if continue to apologize, she will in no way respect you and will grow to resent you for being so flimsy with your convictions.

You say nothing happened between you and that other girl. Stick to your story, and don't say another word. You continuing to think up excuses makes it look like you've something to hide. Just stop.

So, when your girl returns, call her and say, "I missed you so much you have no idea! I really want to talk about what happened before you left. You might still be mad, so let me know when you're cool enough to talk. I'm ready when you are." Then leave it at that. She'll be surprised that you're suddenly asserting yourself like this, but if you stay calm and collected, she has nothing to get mad at. She may bitch at first, and that's when you say, "I'm not going to argue anymore. But we do need to talk. Like I said, whenever you're ready, give me a call." Don't play into her need to create drama. After you hang up that phone, you wait for her to come to you.

I know that part is difficult, but if you want any chance at talking about this you have to let her come to you.

[nerdy_guy]

In this instance, the silent treatment can be very powerful.

You also need to teach him how to control this unwieldy power. Otherwise, it would be her girlfriend posting here the next time.

[lahnnabell]

Haha, one step at a time I'm pretty sure I've already overloaded his brain.

[WaiKru]

Haha, one step at a time I'm pretty sure I've already overloaded his brain.

only a little bit. You've given very good advice though thank you very much. Hopefully it works haha

[WaiKru]

I've come to the conclusion that basically all I need to do in this situation is get back to at least talking and communicating with her in a friendly manner. Like I explained before, we've never been able to talk to each other without eventually getting flirty and liking one another. We're just not meant to be only friends, it always turns in to more. Even if she's dating another guy, has told me she never wants to be with me again and wants to move on; and we start talking, she leaves him eventually. I've weathered my way through 3 other guys during 3 separate "breaks" we've been on. And within weeks of us establishing contact again we're talking everyday and late into the night. So if I can get to the communication stage, I'm confident it'll eventually work it's way back to something romantic.

EDIT
To get to this stage she's going to have to cool down obviously. After I talk to her when she gets back, should I go no contact for a month? Even though I haven't done what she thinks I've done, is no contact still a good idea? Or will that make her think I really have done something?

[lahnnabell]

There is no time limit. Like I said, so long as you leave the ball in her court, you will most likely hear from her sooner than you think. But you HAVE to stop letting her run the show. Women really despise indecisive, ass-kissy men. We want a guy that can take charge of a situation and problem solve. You haven't done any of that yet. You've only sat in the corner and whimpered every time she's unleashed her wrath.

For a relationship to progress past any issues, both partners have to work together. That means you need to quit the shady behavior, and she needs to be accepting of the fact that you screwed up and she has to stop using it against you every time a new issue crops up. Immature women don't know how to let the past be the past though. And you know, she may never get past it. If that's the case, then Vin is right, and this relationship may just be too damaged.

And please, STOP explaining why you guys are simply meant to be together. We get it. Like I said, if you have a romantic history with someone, you are very likely to fall back into those old patterns when the attraction is still there. It doesn't mean you're destined to be together. You guys have never given each other proper space after breaking up, which is why you jump back into it when you establish contact again. I know because I went through this for 4 years before I finally had enough distance between him and myself to really begin to move onto better things. Once I was far enough away from him, I began to see all the horrible things about our relationship. You can't see it all unless you gain some perspective though.