severe depression..we fought again

[IndiReloaded]

Sure you can. People deal with losing spouses to death or divorce who they were with for *years*. If they can, you can.

[lightning]

Yes the problem is Jay manipulative..so its not like he will simply leave me alone to move on..

I know he will come back with gifts , drama, flowers and big heart and you know I dont want to be the stupid Light who always get weak and forgive him because this is bad..

I'm afraid of what next week could bring to me..

you know people move on if they forget so unless Jay decided to leave me alone, it will be hard to forget ..thats why I will stick here if anything happen..so I can read all what I wrote and remember what Jay really is..

You know it happened before, I decided its over and he was so manipulative..like once he got my friends drink and told them to invite me over in the lunch break at work..and I told my friends "I'm busy working I wont go for lunch break" and so he came to my room and put the drink on my desk and said "if you're that busy then I will get you the drink my self" I mean GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH...what the hell is he? how someone so cruel be so thoughtful?

[IndiReloaded]

Yes, you are right. You are simply unable to control and think for yourself in his presence. You are not responsible for your own actions.

If he manipulates you, is it his fault for doing it, or yours for allowing it?

[lightning]

its supposed to be over now, and anyways I'm holding high expectations of myself to hold it right this time.
I will never let him manipulate me again and he wont buy me with his cheap gifts

[lightning]

he came today with messy hair, unshaved face..and creepy sad look..I ignored him totally..

Not only that, he told Mutual friend "I cant forgive her because she hurt me past week" (its because I told him "dont show me your face ever again, you're dumbed"
How do I feel? bad..but I'm moving on

[lightning]

its sad sad sad sad...sad that he made me believe that he loves me..sad he humiliated me..and sad that he is playing the victim role now..

I cry at bed but when I leave home I shed the tears, wear my best cloths and draw that smile on my face..I dont want to act like him (I'm hurt) because deep inside I know I'm hurt and he is faking drama

[lightning]

am I obsessed? just its not love I believe its obsession...I mean seriously I just am afraid of my obsession

this song he sent me as mp3 and now I keep watching the youtube..

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7FyuXCChSs"]YouTube- Mr. Brightside- Amy MacDonald-Sept-2008-Baden-Baden[/ame]

[IndiReloaded]

I hate labels like this, but the description might help you understand what is happening chemically in your brain. Just remember, the fact it has a label doesn't make you less responsible for doing something about it:

[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence[/url]

[lightning]

I dont think its my label I just realized I would get over the dude if he would leave me alone..
I dont know he is making endless mind games..
today he got drink to my friend (Who is married) just to tease me, and he waited until I came to the room and then he did it.
Is he enjoying tutoring me?

[Gigabitch]

Yes, he's enjoying it. He's feeding on it.

[lightning]

thanks Giga that was inspiring :p

No seriously I keep thinking he loves me (maybe in a weird way) but I think thats not the case..
but can someone be so sick ? only to feed his desires...I mean he dedicated his life to get my attention...annoying me at times and being leniant at times..

[Gigabitch]

He's a poison vine, choking you. Recognize this.

[qwertz]

I will say my problem is that I have lets say nice personality and kinda pretty face..so I had like more than 20 guys wanted to hang out with me and really loved me..but I couldnt love anyone and now I keep thinking that god will punish me and I will be alone forever.

Whenever any guy likes me I get scared (there is also inner scare for some events that happened when I was young, that I refuse to get close to any guy)


I think I am a sad person..and I have some personal fears that I can never mention here but those makes my life as sad as movies

This sentence alone makes me believe you dont know what true love is.

You are not 'severely depressed' there are many people worse off than you, just cut all ties with him..NO CONTACT whatsoever.
You will get over it.

[lightning]

Yup, as I promised you all.NO CONACT..and I'm working on it day by day..
Its been a week and I havnt contacted him (I'm proud of myself)..and its freaking him out (I will even try not to notice what it does to him)

I'm working so hard on myself to be a better person. and I'm being closer to god so he can help me be a better person

I know that Jay will try to contact me sooner or later, and when he does I will come here say "I DID IT!!! I ignored him!!"

Thanks for your help all, without it I wouldnt know what to do.