Cant move past my girlfriends past!Please help!

[Mr.Bartender]

Well sometimes they can't. My husband doesn't want to loose me but there's loads I'm not happy about the way he is but he can't change it. He admits it, accepts it but can't change it. You can't change somebody however much you think it's the right way for them to be.

See...can't to me is giving up before trying, its much easier. To me it feels better to try and then possibly fail than to not try at all.

[babypink]

Well all I can say is that I've tried many times.... If it feels right for you to try and then fail and at least you can look back and know you did what you could then you have your answer.

[babypink]

So if he asked you to not talk to your ex lovers you would have a problem?

I would because it would be a trust issue but my relationships have been very different from your girlfriends and I would never sneak behind his back, ie get the ex to block him rather than blocking the ex...

[smackie9]

So if he asked you to not talk to your ex lovers you would have a problem?

I don't talk to them anyways because I made that choice not his....so there is a difference. It's a matter of opinion. I have no use to talk to past exes or lovers....I have moved on.

[Mr.Bartender]

Right there with you smackie

[dickriculous]

What about if your partner told you something that you do really bothers them, good or bad...would you try to change for them?

This really isn't a black and white issue. It's situational so to answer you kinda have to isolate specific scenarios. Here's a two of mine, and undoubtedly you'll notice they both require completely different approaches to resolve.

1) An ex of mine didn't like how much time I spent in the gym and didn't respect my physique goals. She wanted me to change my values, goals, and priorities and spend less time in the gym. I was not willing to make this change. This is something that I believe in and to take it away from me is to take away a part of who I am and violate what I stand for. On top of failing to support me she exposed herself as controlling, 2 major red flags that eventually made me haul ass from her.

2) When I was in college I was naturally flirty with almost every girl I talked to. This made my gf at the time uncomfortable and she expressed her lack of comfort with it to me. I told her she should trust me and turned the tables on her to make her seem like the bad guy. Retrospectively, I feel that this is a time when I probably should have gone ahead and made some kind of change for my gf. I really did stay faithful to her, and I never seriously considered cheating. But I also knew damn well that my flirtatious nature is going to make the first thought in just about any S.O's mind to be some kind of suspicion about me going balls deep in these other chicks, and that it would cause distress for just about anyone. It wouldn't have taken much effort on my part, all I had to do was tone down my flirtiness and that alone could have alleviated the distress that this was causing her. Instead, I chose to be selfish and put her in a situation that she didn't deserve to be in.

Looking back on this one I've also learned from experience that playing the "you need to trust me" card is a terrible move in a relationship - it only makes your significant other even more suspicious. And rightfully so, tbh. After all, it's an unwritten rule that everyone who currently is cheating, has cheated, or is on the verge of cheating in the immediate future has to play that card on their bf/gf at least once.