revenge yes or no?

[searock]

yes indeed i was the one who initiated, but never insisted. He had a clear choice, could have said no or even walk away after the first time, but he chose to perpetuate it. I believe his wife and family is his responsibility not mine, i am responsible for my own personal circumstances and he for his thats my opinion.

Moral considerations aside, I am genuinely curious as to why you would want to get involved with a married man. When you asked him if he wanted to date you, you knew that if he would have said yes it would have meant that he was a cheater, a liar, a worthless man. So, why would you want to date a guy like that? I really don't understand.

Anyway, I think you should tell the wife, but not for revenge. Tell her because she deserves to know. Just send her an email or something, better not to do it face-to-face because it would put her in a very uncomfortable position. Write to her something like "I'm really sorry to have to tell you but I think you deserve to know that your husband has cheated on you. Here is proof" and attach a photo if you have one, or screenshots of naughty messages between you and her husband or whatever proof you have. Then don't contact her or her husband anymore.

If you aren't able to tell her without feeling like you are getting revenge, then don't do it.

[vashti]

I believe his wife and family is his responsibility not mine, i am responsible for my own personal circumstances and he for his thats my opinion.

If you accept that you are responsible for your own personal circumstances, then surely you must accept that you are to blame for feeling so bad after a man you KNEW was taken gave you the boot, and revenge is inappropriate.

[LifeInflux]

If you accept that you are responsible for your own personal circumstances, then surely you must accept that you are to blame for feeling so bad after a man you KNEW was taken gave you the boot, and revenge is inappropriate.

I think that would be an appropriate realization to come to.

[avine]

I do not think i am to blame for the cowardice of others, i can be many things but never a coward and even if the situation was wrong i have always been honest with him and expected same in return. In the light of current events clearly that was unrealistic.

[avine]

If you accept that you are responsible for your own personal circumstances, then surely you must accept that you are to blame for feeling so bad after a man you KNEW was taken gave you the boot, and revenge is inappropriate.

ts not the fact that he gave me the boot that am angry about its the fact he didn't have the balls to tell me face to face but instead chose to ignore me like a silly schoolboy.

[avine]

Moral considerations aside, I am genuinely curious as to why you would want to get involved with a married man. When you asked him if he wanted to date you, you knew that if he would have said yes it would have meant that he was a cheater, a liar, a worthless man. So, why would you want to date a guy like that? I really don't understand.

Anyway, I think you should tell the wife, but not for revenge. Tell her because she deserves to know. Just send her an email or something, better not to do it face-to-face because it would put her in a very uncomfortable position. Write to her something like "I'm really sorry to have to tell you but I think you deserve to know that your husband has cheated on you. Here is proof" and attach a photo if you have one, or screenshots of naughty messages between you and her husband or whatever proof you have. Then don't contact her or her husband anymore.

If you aren't able to tell her without feeling like you are getting revenge, then don't do it.

It was never dating, it was just a physical encounters which then got complicated due to the lies he told, i never wanted anything more from him but he told all sorts of unrealistic things, like using the L weord or talking about leaving his wife which i clearly said i didnt want.

I would like to be able to tell her just for her info but i still work with t@his man so it would probably result in an even more uncomfortable situation plus no doubt he would then retaliate against me.

[Millie]

yes indeed i was the one who initiated, but never insisted. He had a clear choice, could have said no or even walk away after the first time, but he chose to perpetuate it. I believe his wife and family is his responsibility not mine, i am responsible for my own personal circumstances and he for his thats my opinion.

Yes as I said, while I don't think you'll be getting any woman of the year awards any time soon (don't women get enough of a hard time from men without screwing each other over by targeting each others husbands?!) I do agree that he's the one responsible for the betrayal of his wife/family but it saddens me to hear that you initiated it. Credit to you for answering honestly but still, propositioning a married man you knew was married is really not cool.

[avine]

I do agree that he's the one responsible for the betrayal of his wife/family but it saddens me to hear that you initiated it. Credit to you for answering honestly but still, propositioning a married man you knew was married is really not cool.

I agree to some extent, however i believe that there are situations in each of our lives where we are not ruled entirely by reason

[Millie]

I agree to some extent, however i believe that there are situations in each of our lives where we are not ruled entirely by reason

Hmmm, it's not really anything to do with reason in my opinion, it's to do with being selfish and just wanting what you want regardless of impact or consequences. Like I said, not cool. Kinda ironic that you would actively encourage him to be dishonest and then post here talking about revenge because he'd dared to be dishonest with you - that's what they call reaping what you sow.

[avine]

Thats a fair way of looking at it i guess you are right i should not have been at all surprised. I guess i just got fooled by the talk and fake qualities he had displayed at the start. Stupid of me i know but we live and learn. And reading diverse opinions has been really helpful to regain perspective lost in emotional mess.

[4 ratties]

Thats a fair way of looking at it i guess you are right i should not have been at all surprised. I guess i just got fooled by the talk and fake qualities he had displayed at the start. Stupid of me i know but we live and learn. And reading diverse opinions has been really helpful to regain perspective lost in emotional mess.

Im glad youve lived and learned from this situation, im sorry it had to be the hard way. Sometimes we think just because he's nice and we get along well, that he's the guy for us. But looking at a mans actions are really important.. It shows his character that he is cheating. Sometimes women need to look beyond what is in their face to find out who a guy really is. Make sure a guy has good family morals, no bad criminal history, etc. even if he's a great guy I gurantee if he has something not right going on in his life, he will screw u later and true colors will come out. You will feel much better in a couple weeks or months depending on how deep your feelings were. Goodluck I hope u find a good man next time

[rafterman]

i have always been honest with him and expected same in return. In the light of current events clearly that was unrealistic.

LOL.... You're dating a cheat, what the F did you expect ? You were always going to be "just another brick in the wall "....
I can't understand why people do this and expect a peaches and cream outcome.

[avine]

I can't understand why people do this and expect a peaches and cream outcome.

Idiocy and ignorance of obvious facts is the answer to that one. Lesson learnt

[smackie9]

It was never dating, it was just a physical encounters which then got complicated due to the lies he told, i never wanted anything more from him but he told all sorts of unrealistic things, like using the L weord or talking about leaving his wife which i clearly said i didnt want.

I would like to be able to tell her just for her info but i still work with t@his man so it would probably result in an even more uncomfortable situation plus no doubt he would then retaliate against me.

At that time he probably did honestly feel that way, but that is what infatuation does to people. That's all it is..TALK, and should never be taken as valid promises, even in genuine relationships. Since you were the instigator, I have a strong feeling this was his first time and didn't know how to handle it. And like a rookie, he got in too deep.....you should have seen that. I bet money on it his wife did find out or at least suspects, that's why he totally cut you off in a hurry. This had nothing to do with you personally or him being childish.....he got busted. So it's looking like karma is taking care of things.

[avine]

Thanks also insightful, you are right one should only ever listen to actions as they speak louder than any words ever could. Thanks for saying ij wasnt me at the start i was quite troubled that it was due to some defect of mine, maybe i didn't say the right thing or act the right way, the usual ridiculous way we torture ourselves when we are denied and in pain.