Girlfriend still talks to summer fling/friend

[RdHrshyKss]

I ended up telling her straight up what I was pissed about. I got visibly angry and she asked what was wrong, so I just spilled it out, pretty calmly considering. I told her it was inappropriate to stay close to him, that it doesn't fly that they talk so much, that it's not okay to send vaguely flirtatious texts, etc. It really got to her because she started crying. She told me that she had no idea it was bothering me this much, and that she would do anything not to lose me. She was apologizing profusely the whole time. I think she thought I was going to break up with her over it.

of course she did, because she knows what she's doing is wrong. maintain your stance...you are completely in the right about this. there is no excuse for her to be maintaining contact with this guy. she is lying to you and herself when she says they are "just friends". she knows that there are unsettled feelings, and she refuses to let it go. stay on top of her about this, don't let her guilt trip you into thinking you are being unreasonable because you aren't. stick to your guns and let her know that this is unacceptable. if she can't let this guy go, then i'm afraid it means that she is unable to commit to you and you should move on before she puts these unsettled feelings into action and makes things worse.

[girl68]

I agree. She seems to understand, but what exactly were the terms? She just said I'll do anything? Well what exactly did you ask her to do? Never speak to him again? And if he contacts her what will she do? Not respond or kindly tell him she's busy? Or will she ignore him completely. This is where the trouble may start you both got caught up in the explanation and apologizing you forgot to set up the "rules" in regards to this? Please clairfy with her what you're expecting so that you're both on the same page.

[RdHrshyKss]

^^very important

[dmacfour]

I agree. She seems to understand, but what exactly were the terms? She just said I'll do anything? Well what exactly did you ask her to do? Never speak to him again? And if he contacts her what will she do? Not respond or kindly tell him she's busy? Or will she ignore him completely. This is where the trouble may start you both got caught up in the explanation and apologizing you forgot to set up the "rules" in regards to this? Please clairfy with her what you're expecting so that you're both on the same page.

alright this is something thing that I probably should have done. I specifically told her that things will not work out if she continues to talk to him like she is. However, when I asked her how she is going to handle it. I'll ask her in a couple of days what she is going to do to handle this. If she says I haven't figured it out yet, I'll tell her exactly what I want her to do.

[girl68]

Good stuff. If she's uncomfortable with your "terms" just reiterate how much this relationship of hers is bothering you and that if she chooses to continue communication you won't be able to deal with that.

[dmacfour]

Good stuff. If she's uncomfortable with your "terms" just reiterate how much this relationship of hers is bothering you and that if she chooses to continue communication you won't be able to deal with that.

Asked her today if she figured out what to do, and she told me the is trying to think of a way of breaking it to him nicely, and in a way that doesn't make me look like an ass.

[girl68]

Asked her today if she figured out what to do, and she told me the is trying to think of a way of breaking it to him nicely, and in a way that doesn't make me look like an ass.

My vote is she just stop talking to him. Who cares if you look like an ass- tell her to say you are an ass an ass that she loves and will do anything for and that your ass is the one she wants and cares for and that you, the ass is the one, the only one she chooses and that the friendship is over. Goodluck and it was nice.

[RdHrshyKss]

My vote is she just stop talking to him. Who cares if you look like an ass- tell her to say you are an ass an ass that she loves and will do anything for and that your ass is the one she wants and cares for and that you, the ass is the one, the only one she chooses and that the friendship is over. Goodluck and it was nice.

LOVE it!!

but seriously, she shouldnt be so concerned about his feelings. shes probably trying to think of a way to do it so that she doesnt burn any bridges...so the opportunity to contact him wouldnt be completely dead if things dont work out between you two. this is not the type of mentality that she should have towards your relationship, it means lingering feelings. this guy should be long gone, out of reach and dwindling from her memory with every day.

she is afraid to let go, why? i think thats the important question you need to discuss with her. if she is going to always keep these feelings for him, you guys have no chance. you arent him, and never will be. you are your own man. its you or him. she has to choose and be confident in her choice and just DO IT. all this hesitation is not a good sign.

[dmacfour]

She told me he texted her again today, after not talking since early last week. It was a simple "what's up". She she told me that she straight up asked him if he had feelings for her. His response was, "sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't". Her response after that was, "please don't text me so much, because it's making dmacfour jealous, and I don't want him to think that I'm having a relationship behind his back." He said he understood and would do his best not to do so.

[RdHrshyKss]

still stringing him along i see...

[girl68]

I don't like the way she said making him jealous. She should have said out of due respect for my partner I don't think we should be in touch anymore. Instead this was her message, well my bf is a jealous fool and therefore I can't speak to my friends. But I guess if their relationship slow dramatically it's all good.

[Ithrinb]

Is this really a hard decision for you, shes talking to the guy she used to have sex with about when they had sex behind your back. Your a chump if you keep her around, and she knows it.

[dmacfour]

I don't like the way she said making him jealous. She should have said out of due respect for my partner I don't think we should be in touch anymore. Instead this was her message, well my bf is a jealous fool and therefore I can't speak to my friends. But I guess if their relationship slow dramatically it's all good.

I suggested that she say that. She asked me how she could say it in a nice way, so I told her what I would say if I was in that situation.

[RdHrshyKss]

ok, i think you guys deserve each other.

[Jman39]

girl68 is correct!

she should have worded it so you dont look like the inferior fool. she still wants his attention... i am in a similar situation, except they didnt have sex...

its good that you let her know, and stand ur ground...
however by making her stop talking to him is playin with fire... that will make her want to talk to him more... u tell a child not to do soemthing, and they wanna do it more....

so my advice is: act like you no longer care, and flirt with a girl urself... dont focus on her, focus on urself, and show ur gf that u can leave at any moment to see another girl... this will make you more attractive btw. be the alpha male, and show her its HER loss if she leaves you. talking to him isnt the issue- flirting with him isnt the issue... the issue is she is TAKING YOU FOR GRANTED... if she valued you so highly, and knew he was lucky to capture an alpha dog like you, she wouldnt dare risk her relationship with some other pathetic horndog fool (him)

so- really, u should just mentally move on from this, go out and find something to do, keep busy, dont put her on a pedastal... reward her when she does something good, but and retract attention from her when she acts poorly (texting him).