Longing to be loved 2

[pcmaster]

These spammers just make me angry.


Anyway its been a while and I have interacted with a lot of girls, but mostly small non-important chats they were. What's more important that I met one friend that are girl. That never happened before. Ussualy I just chat with people and they dont want to meet. But this time it was nice to meet and see in person with who I chat for more than a year. Hope we can meet again sometime in future.

However Im more faith focused now. Reading bible every day cause its that important. Also attenting bible studies when I can. When you put aside time every day to deticate it to faith, like praying or bible then your life is starting to change. And I notice that my heart is starting to change. I have met some very warm hearted guys in bible studies and they showed me love and care since the very beginning. Its cool to get to know people from church. So far its been just handshakes and "Let the peace be with you" words. Now I will shake hands with these guys in a special way and say more than that.

Also how far as dating goes then I now want to live by God will. That is not to fall in sin and keep away from lust. Having sex on third fourth date is just wrong cause you still dont know the person. It takes months or even years to get to know the person. Im praying God to help me stay on straight road and dont fall in temptation.

[TheEvilJester]

People who are very religious and supposedly faithful do share one thing in common with everybody else. They are just people. I am very happy to hear you've met some nice people, and if your religion/faith helps you that is awesome. But, not all supposedly religious/faithful people are good people, just as not all people who choose not to actively follow a religion are bad. Nor are all people who don't believe at all bad.

What's more important is doing what feels right for you. If your faith seems like the right path for you, then go for it. We may live in a day and age where that attitude on sex seems antiquated... but I think that is a shame. I don't necessarily think I'd go so far as to say sex early in a relationship is WRONG, per se. If it is with two consenting adults, they should be free to do what they want. ...But I definitely agree I personally think people shouldn't do it so soon and I wouldn't want to myself.

I definitely don't think I'm talking about YEARS, but I don't want to have sex just to have sex. I want to have sex when I've gotten to know somebody well. When we feel like we are serious about taking things to the next level. I hate that our society seems to have these unwritten rules like "sex should happen by the 3rd date" or whatever. It should happen when it feels right for those two people.

Anyways... blah blah blah from me. LOL! Bottom line, if you are happy I am happy for you. And I sincerely hope this path leads to you finding somebody special. The right somebody special. But, at least for the time being, I also hope it helps you to better appreciate that special somebody that is YOU.

[Hooo!]

You get sidetracked and still try to externally find a solution to your internal problems

Be it masturbating
Or pornos
Or culture
Or god and the Bible

Some of them may distract you sufficiently from your problems or make you believe they can from the outside give you solution if you believe in them

And sometimes that is true
But it is not the heart of the problem

[pcmaster]

What are you talking about Hooo! ? What is the heart of the problem then?

[TheEvilJester]

Hooo can chime in with further details, but I think if I understand correctly he's saying there are maybe things you need to look at about yourself and/or your approach that could help you find more success.

I would definitely agree with that. I don't mean that to imply there is anything wrong with you, nor do I mean to imply your lack of success is entirely your own fault. I just generally always agree it never hurts to re-evaluate things and see if there could be things you've done that contribute to why it doesn't work out. Rarely is anybody ever 100% to blame for their own lack of success, and I don't think you are entirely to blame for your own.

From what you've shared with us in the past, I personally think you are generally pretty good with all this stuff. A heck of a lot better than me, anyway. So I would definitely not think you are 100% the cause of your lack of success in the love department. But there could still maybe be things you could perhaps do better in that approach.

Not to mention, I always think of our existence as human beings as being constantly in flux. We should never just sit back, look at ourselves and think "Yup. I'm perfect just like this." Self-improvement is always good to work on even when we don't have many complaints.

Anyways, again, there's me with my blah blah blah again. LOL!

TL;DR version, things like religion, or your PMO stuff you've told us about are great and all if they help you.... but they aren't, in and of themselves, the path to finding that special someone. There is more to it than just that. Those kind of things should more just be something you do FOR YOU. Though they certainly may help you to find your path to love, they are not the singular solution.

[pcmaster]

You got me wrong here Jester. I always wanted to quit PMO and I always believed in God to some extend in my life. QUitting PMO helped me become more social and better looking, gave me more energy and drive to meet girls. Also of course confidence boost.

And faith also makes me stronger. Since you remember since beginning I hesitated with sex since third date was too soon for me. I just dont want to sleep with too many girls. Thankfuly I dont think I have slept with too many but sure I had sex too much since many of those times was sex without love, it just felt wrong and draining afterwards.
Maybe its okay for girls to go trought dick carousel till settling for a nice guy in the end but I dont want to go trought vagina carousel to find that special one. I mean I still dont agree with general dating world these days.

No PMO and faith in Jesus Christ and God just works together perfectly making eachother stronger. Im sure more likely to find love that way than diving into short trilled adventures with girls who give themselves away without even getting to know me.

Sure I should do more than just that but then again I focus on two previous things cause cant do all at the same time, theres just not enough hours in a day or energy left to do everything everyday. I know I should work on making my financial situation better to become more attractive to girls but I have left that to be for now.

My future goal is to become more outgoing and interesting personality so that should help find love too.

[pcmaster]

Today something happened. I called on a phone to a girl with who I been chatting for 4 years. I was 25 and she was in her late teens when we started to chat. Chatted everyday and then one day - 3 years ago I asked for her number. She gave it straight away but I used it only to message her. Now today called her and she picked up after a minute. I was thinking she wont pick up but she did. Was nice to hear her voice and it was sweet and at times confident. I talked nicely to her too. We talked about work and other little things. After like 6 minutes I said goodbyes. Afterwards I felt this excitement and happiness for good half and hour. Afterglow from talking.

It made me think. It took me 3 years to call her. All this time I was sabotaging myself and had these barriers in mind. We live hour away from eachother but never met. Recently I suggested to meet and said we could do whatever she wants. She said she will think. Not the first time she said that but hopefuly after todays conversation she will be more open to meet. I want to be friends with her anyway so it shouldnt be big deal.

[pcmaster]

Sunday update. Today woke up early and started to read bible early. Then went to church in capital city(I ussualy got to church in my town) and there was so so... I felt so much love there. Not just I saw a lot of buddies from summer adventures but also they all looked so great and welcomed me so familiar. Priest was talking about love how he balances his love between people and God. I really felt it and smiled a lot cause I couldnt not to smile when feeling so good. Met my new apha team in church. I was only guy there and there was 4 girls. We held hands and prayed, then hugged all together. It was so sweet and nice. Never had this group hug with people I see first day in my life.

So yeah I feel overhelmet by all the love and people I met today. More than 8 hours in church today, even talked with different priests today.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, I'm glad to hear that you are doing those things FOR you, and not just thinking they are the answer to finding somebody. Don't get me wrong. You could very well find love in part because of those things. They may help lead you on the path to the right person. It's just big life changes like that should be done because you actually want to, not just because you think they'll lead you to love. Hooo would have to clarify if that was sort of what he meant, but I kind of think maybe that's what he was saying.

And, it sounds like you are good there. You've done those things because they were important to you. Because you WANTED to anyway. Not only that, but it sounds like you've even identified areas about yourself you know you inevitably want to work on to better. So, I think you seem to be on a good path. I am glad to hear it is working out for you. I am glad to hear of you being so happy. Especially hearing that you are happy regardless of your current love situation, or lack there of.

I may have arrived there via completely different means, but that is the path I have been leading for a while now as well. Some days do get hard again, but in general I've been so much happier than I ever even imagined I could be, and all that achieved completely on my own.

Anyways, about the gal you've been friends with for 3 years...

Do you want something more? Do you want to be more than friends if that is possible? Three years is a long time. There is a chance that could be long enough that she only sees you as a friend. ...Thing is, it sounds like you are fine with that if that is what happens. You said you want to be friends with her anyway... so seems like a win/win situation for you. Besides, you never know. Something could come of it. Life can be interesting.

Best of luck to you! Very happy to hear you've been doing well.

[Hooo!]

I think that being realistic for one is not one of your strengths
I also think that you are looking for things on the outside like PMO or god or whatever to make you stronger

And maybe that sometimes even works
Though i doubt it on both accounts

Be that as it may

What really makes you "stronger" are internal change s

Healthy beliefs and attitudes

And that's my point. You say you do PMO and believe in God and then you wait for the miracles to happen

I say you don't need either to succeed with women. I would bet that a atheist who masturbates is at least as likely to be successful with women as someone who believes in God and does PMO

I'm not saying those things hurt you

But believing them to be key to you success with women - that will hurt you

[pcmaster]

Well Im no doing that for success with girls, guys. Topic name is Longing to be loved. Its about love, loneliness and happiness. Since I lacked love because I was lonely. And I was lonely because I had no friends. And thats why I wasnt happy but was sad. All tests showed more sadness than depression.

Now with church and activities around it I have earned friends and revieved love from above and from people.

For example today I went to church basement for alpha course. We were 5 person team handling 8 members who were first time in church. Those people can later become my friends during 12 week period and all the activities together. Also today priest said Hi to me like to an good friend in a special handshake. Also cant count how many hugs I got today from girls. Its amazing. Met more new people than I can remember name to.

Today lecture was also about instant gratification - how people choose to instant high like sexual freedom or alcohol, drugs while looking for food for soul. But it all makes you even emptier in long run. I been down that road too. What really works is finding something that makes you smile and something about you can talk and lose track of time. Right now for me its faith. I see clearer now and see further. Dead is not scary anymore.

I used have nothing to do and nowhere to go after work. Now theres multiple places where I can go and meet friends and be welcomed and greeted. I have more things to do than I have time now. Even have to sacrifice sleep time often. It all started with tuesday nights but then as happier I became as more new things showed up to do on those tuesday nights cause when you are happy, people welcome you and want to spend time with you. From lonely I have come to a point where I can talk with more people than I have time to. I can meet more people than I have time to. Its not because of dating apps but thanks to faith. I have bible in my phone and whatsapp groups with church buddies.

Not looking for girlfriend that much since not interested in sex anymore. But still longing for that exclusive love from that special someone. Cause love from God is one kind of love, another kind of love are from friends and different love are from girlfriend or family. I can survive quite well now with all the love I get. So that right now being too lazy to pursue girls and go hard after them like I did before. Feeling pretty much like you @TheEvilJester now - if love comes to me I wont deny it but wont run after it. Really feeling fine and self sufficient now. Not desperate for anything. At peace and harmony feeling happy deep inside.
Answering to you @Hooo! You are right sense of reality is weaker in me. But if Donald Trump masturbates and dont believe in God can he find a GF? Probably yes. But If homeless guy dont masturbate and reads bible everyday can he find a GF? Book of Eli is your answer.

God bless your soul guys!

[mford67]

always make sure you find friendships first. before you do anything intimate. looking for lame and awkward guys. find guys like that the same place you find the other guys.

[Hooo!]

Smoking cigarettes togwther doesn't make friends

Going to church together doesn't either

Attitude two-sided trust and caring makes friends

And again we come to attitude

When I'm talking about belief and belief systems
When I'm talking about attitudes
I don't mean it in a spiritual way
I mean it in a way of believing certain things to be a certain way
I'm talking about what you (socially) believe in

For example: not masturbating makes me...
This would be an example of a strong set of believes you have

I doubt all of them
But (as described above) that doesn't matter so much because i dont think those beliefs hurt you either

However i sense a possible tendency of yours to adopt unhelpful beliefs
Many of them

[pcmaster]

Where can you find more trustful and caring people than in church?

Again my beliefs dont help you but they do help me. They suit me well and are tailoret to be fit for my personality and who I am.

[fearoflove]

It's good that you are connecting with God. Honestly, I think it can really benefit you.