Moral dilemma.

[dem862]

I agree with you completely,that the guy has done nothing wrong.It's not his fault at all. That's the whole argument about,I don't want to ruin this man's life by sleeping with her.But I am stuck with my moral side and animal side.Moral side says I should shun this right away,but animal side says I've a 14 year's investment and I should take it,and then walk out.Plus I've been through lot of anguish and pain,way too much,walking out like that,may appear like a defeat of mine as a man,not as a person but at a masculine level.How do I convince myself that doing this was the right thing and it was not my defeat in anyway as a man?

I think if you were worried about yourself "at a masculine level" you would not have waited 14 years. You would have been screwing every woman who would open her legs. I think deep-down you have morals, and doing this deed is something you will regret. Morals came about to control the animal side of man. Not the other way around. Your story is sad, yes, but I have heard sadder stories. If you do what you are thinking about, you will contribute to more sadness in a completely innocent man's life. I don't see how that is justifiable by any means.

[michelle23]

I agree with dem. You should be true to who you are. If you did sleep with her or hire a hooker etc it would only be because you are hurt and angry and want revenge. I am sorry to say that this is partly your fault. You wasted 14 years on this girl and for what? She made a fool of you but you let her. Most men would have walked away a long time ago and found a different girl to marry. Whats done is done though-you cant change the past so i think you should cut all contact with her, take your time to grieve and then get back out there and meet someone great and marry her

good luck

[LONER82]

Well,yes;it is my fault to a greater part.I did not see it coming.But I had a very strong reason.She was of the opinion that if I get a Government job,then it is easy to fend off the society,which I also agreed to the most part, but getting a govt. job in my country takes at least 18 to 26 months depending upon the education credentials.And so,I delved into getting this objective realized,and she waited for me till the end,the very day I got my appointment letter,both of us felt like a prison term has come to an end,and we can walk free.But she could not stand against her parents while I was ready to do that.you can say she had my trust and I was so blind I never made an attempt to test it,which costed me in this way.My only regret with her is this-If you believe in an idea.If you think that love is one of the most idealistic of human emotions,then you should put up a stand,even if chances are ;you will lose.Fight for what is right or at least what you believe is right.The least she could do was,say it out to her parents that this is what she wants to do and she has made every possible sacrifice for it.If they don't want her to do what she likes,they better be ready to know,that they are destroying her life.Or I am not going to marry at all with anybody,I'll live like that.That way at least I had this satisfaction,that she put up a resistance but she fell. .But there was not a single shred of resistance in her.This is where I had the most bitter experience.If I am ready to make the same kind of sacrifice for you,and ready to stand by you for whatever may come,why don't you have the courage to do the same.It's not like my parents are mean to me,they have a lot on stakes too,and yet I am ready to make that shift. Anyway,thanks for that support my friend.

- - - Updated - - -

I've also realized some thing in this journey.After a stage has passed in a relationship,it's the relationship that is more important than a person.Not that a relationship can exist without a person,but somehow you want to save it from everything as much as you can,even if a person is wrong at some points.And any person can go to any lengths to save it from total destruction.May be I am just an old man to think that way.