Moved for love, regretting it. Help!?

[paythebills]

yes we want a update

[smackie9]

Move back home, and end the relationship. Next time take off the rose colored glasses and take a look at the pros and cons before jumping on a plane because you are in love. Dating locally solves the compatability issue that with LDR's, tends to show it's negative side too late.

[bosko88]

Well when we do spend time together, it's great. I really can't see myself with anyone else. I just think I should have waited until my boyfriend is done with school and we both have good job experience so that we can settle into careers and have our own house. And be engaged. Some days are just miserable, but other days I'm okay. I'm still thinking I want to move home and go back to school, my boyfriend will be able to finish school. Then see what happens after that if we are still together. I just can't handle living with his parents and having totally opposite schedules at this point. Ugh, I don't know.

[bosko88]

We've talked about it too, he says that he doesn't know how to help. And that how I'm feeling is how he felt when he couldn't move to my hometown. That I can move back if I'm feeling stuck and he can use his GI bill money to come visit me until he's done with school and not so over scheduled. But that doesn't stop him from prioritizing his friends over me :/

[namemyname]

I agree. It's like he wants to puzzle piece you around his life, otherwise, he's making no overtures to make sure you're happier.

THAT should be a message in itself.

I know you said you thought it would have been better to wait until you were out of school, etc., but honestly, I don't think things would be any different. I mean, the fact he marginalizes you now, probably wouldn't change if you were living alone together. His attitude is pretty cavalier about you moving home as well.

I dunno, hon. He just doesn't sound like he's on the same page. Don't get so caught up in your fantasy of a life with him, and ignore the reality of your life with him.

[michelle23]

Hes not on the same page as you. Hes not as invested in this relationship as you are and the fact he puts his friends before you makes me wonder what hes up to when he is not with you. Why he never invites you along? I think you are wasting your time and you can do better

[bosko88]

Well when we DO go out together, it's usually with his friends. We go on a date, just us like once a month. Its always my idea. But we have fun and bond. He normally goes golfing with his friends or plays video games and drinks, and I'm not invited to those get togethers. He said he loves me more now that I live here when I asked him about it. I'm so confused.

[michelle23]

While I think its fine to have your own hobbies and friends-putting each other first is more important. If the only time he has free is once a week-then he should be spending that time with you and seeing his friends once a month. Not the other way around. You should expect to be a priority. Why are you settling for this?

[bosko88]

I think I'm living for the good times we have.. I'm so invested in the relationship it's hard to imagine anything else I guess. We went thought deployments and messages every day and we know everything about each other and were so compatible until I moved here. He used to drive 8 hours to see me every weekend when he was in the army and we spent the whole time together. And I saw my future. Just didn't think this is what would happen when I moved here. And now I have a nice job and everything. I suppose I'm just scared to leave..and unsure of what would happen when I get back home. I wouldn't have a job or relationship. It's unsettling.

[namemyname]

And now I have a nice job and everything.

? You wrote in your OP that you couldn't find a job, and that you were considering moving home to go back to school.

Stop making excuses for this guy. You're living in a dream world of who you want him to be, and completely ignoring who he is. Ultimately, he's told you he could care less if you were here or not. I wonder if he's trying to passively aggressively get you to leave by ignoring you so he's not the bad guy. And, you're not getting the hint.

It sounds like he's already losing attraction for you, which is common when one partner completely sublimates themselves and becomes a shadow. It's like you have no identity without him.

Research co-dependence...

[bosko88]

Well it's a good job for now. To add to my resume. I can't find a job within my degree. Or make enough to move out

[michelle23]

hun your living in the past-the way it used to be when you were long distance. your not long distance anymore. This is who he is. Stop thinking about all the good when you were all infatuated by each other. Your not infatuated anymore and all the cracks are beginning to show. Spending time together once a month is not a relationship btw.

[bosko88]

Yeah you're right.. Well I'm going home for a week next week so I'm going to talk it over with my parents as well as my boyfriend this weekend and come to an ultimate decision.

[smackie9]

Ya going over it with your family is the best course of action. I hope things can work out for you.

[michelle23]

yes i hope everything works out. just remember there is more to life than just him and there are plenty of men in the world. dont delude yourself into believing hes the only man youll ever love or ever make you happy. its not true. we mourn each loss and then we move on. the heart is very strong and does heal.

let us know how everything goes. best of luck