Friend keeps pushing for something more

[MerryH]

Up until now, I always just thought that was something personal that I had no right to share with others without his knowledge.

That's actually really thoughtful and kind of you. If you don't feel right sharing his medical condition with people, then just say that you know him well, and you know he's got some really serious, deep issues and that you're really frightened by him right now and you have a strong feeling that he might harm you and others. But if people need to hear the word "schizophrenic" to take your concerns seriously, then so be it.

I plan on moving as soon as possible, and definitely do not plan on telling him where it is.

Good. I'm glad you're wanting to take steps to distance yourself instead of trying to stick around and fix him out of a false sense of loyalty, or whatever. This might be terrible advice, because the sooner you can get him out of your life, the better, but if you're worried about provoking him, maybe you should just tolerate him and keep him at bay until you move in a couple of months.

The second you have all your stuff moved in to the new place, send him a "goodbye" email where you tell him very clearly that you can't be friends and not to contact you anymore (keep it short and unemotional - don't give him anything to misinterpret and grasp onto, and save that email in case you need it) and then just...vanish. You can plan to have your email and phone number changed on the day you move. Let your family/friends/roommates/connections know that they must absolutely not talk to him about you or tell him how to contact you.

But if you feel he's a danger to you like right now, then you're going to have to try something else.

[im_in_love]

This might be terrible advice, because the sooner you can get him out of your life, the better, but if you're worried about provoking him, maybe you should just tolerate him and keep him at bay until you move in a couple of months.

The second you have all your stuff moved in to the new place, send him a "goodbye" email where you tell him very clearly that you can't be friends and not to contact you anymore (keep it short and unemotional - don't give him anything to misinterpret and grasp onto, and save that email in case you need it) and then just...vanish. You can plan to have your email and phone number changed on the day you move. Let your family/friends/roommates/connections know that they must absolutely not talk to him about you or tell him how to contact you.

But if you feel he's a danger to you like right now, then you're going to have to try something else.

This is exactly what I plan on doing. I've been dealing with this for years, and I really feel like cutting him out would be the trigger, so I think I'll just tolerate until I can safely move.

Thanks again for your advice. Very helpful!

[VincenzoG91]

Just so you're clear on this... he was never your friend. Never. He had a crush on you but didn't have the courage to ask you out right away, or the good common sense to give up and move along when you did reject him. He probably thinks of himself as a "nice guy," but he is actually a creepy stalker who has bullied his way into your life. Regarding the access code, just change it and then tell your roommates you did it. They sound lazy and stupid and not particularly concerned with your safety, so they don't deserve a vote in this matter.

[im_in_love]

Just so you're clear on this... he was never your friend. Never. He had a crush on you but didn't have the courage to ask you out right away, or the good common sense to give up and move along when you did reject him. He probably thinks of himself as a "nice guy," but he is actually a creepy stalker who has bullied his way into your life. Regarding the access code, just change it and then tell your roommates you did it. They sound lazy and stupid and not particularly concerned with your safety, so they don't deserve a vote in this matter.

Thanks for your reply! This is exactly how he thinks of himself, he's even said it. He wants to be the nice guy in my life. I'm definitely changing the code today. I deleted my original post because I was getting paranoid that he'd read it and know it was about him :/ But thank you all for your advice, you've been really helpful