My boyfriend likes to flirt and doesn't see anything wrong with it

[lahnnabell]

I know you care about him, but what I would do is sit him down and say, "Look, we've talked about this over and over again, and I see no positive changes. I feel truly and deeply disrespected when you openly flirt and touch other girls in front of me. It's not cool and I don't want to put up with it anymore. If your priority lies in getting attention from every female in sight, then count me out. Peace."

[sceescee89]

I probably have to tell him... I've told him about several other issues already so far and it did help him out a lot. I mean, he's had other issues (which is why I'm so invested in this guy), and I helped him. Successfully.

What should I say to him? Just be like, "You need lots of female attention and apparently I'm not enough for you. If you think that you can't have me and have that be enough that I don't think this will work..."

He would just say that that's who he is and he's not going to change... to which an end is obvious, right? He might even just take it because he might've been expecting it. It feels like it should be simple but it's so hard.

[lahnnabell]

Keep it short and simple like you did. And yeah, he may take it with a grain of salt, and then you'll have an honest look at how invested he actually was in your relationship. He's a fool, but at least he can go be a fool with a stupid girl and you can find a guy that actually respects you.

[evicted]

don't do it! this guy really really cares about you. Him flirting with other girls does not mean he doesn't care about YOU! it's just the way he has been living his entire life, its hard to change your personality, but it doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
If you really care about him, and love him, then don't break up with him because of something as silly as this.

Have you ever flirted with another guy infront of him? try it and see how he responds. Not alot of guys in college begin really focusing on who they love until their our of college. I think that if he is tolerable enough to you, for you to stick with him until your both out of college. you'll have a wonderful life together.

But his response to you flirting with other guys is very important!! if he doesn't care , then maybe it would be best to let go. It's hard, but you have to be able to judge whether it's his pride telling you that he doesn't care, or that he actually wouldn't care. and if he does care, then stay with him! relationships take a lot of effort from both sides, don't give up on them easily.

[sceescee89]

I showed him a picture I took with a Hollister model (who had his arm clearly around my waist) and he didn't like it. He said, "Why did you do that?" He really didn't like it. There's been other guys that have flirted with me in front of them and he says, "Hey that's my girlfriend." He does like it though, however, is when guys look at me in passing. He takes that as a compliment.. for me. He likes to show me off.

And we HAVE been through a lot. He does really care about me and I do really care about him.. this is just one issue that I've had to go to him over and over again. He has changed a lot for me and he has stopped many "single" behaviors that he typically didn't drop for others but did for me.

I dunno.. I'm going to continue and think about it.

[evicted]

ok yea see how things go. don't give up !

i'm a guy, and have been with my gf for almost 3 years, and i was going through how you described your bf. always flirting with girls even though i was fully aware i had a gf. It was just in my habit, it was how i basically interacted with people.
I always have and still love my gf, and its not that back then i didn't "change" because i didn't love her enough. it was that I couldn't change, after having that flirting embedded into me from a young age, its hard to just stop one day. it takes time and usually with support it comes. I've improved alot, and I'm continuing to change that flirtatious "gene" haha .

i don't understand why most of this community seems to push for breaking up. Relationships arn't simple, and their not easy. But hard work always pays off, if not in love, then in experience. Either way, you win.

[sceescee89]

In all honesty, the flirting is the only thing that is bothersome. I do get tired of it. And it was funny, when you wrote me up Evicted, I felt like it was my bf writing me subconsciously lol! I know that he is like his father; my bf grew up in a one parent home and I know that he only learned from the one and only. His dad is on his 3rd divorce :/ My bf said that the last thing that he ever wants is to become is like his father. My bf is very intent and dead set on making us work and has told me he isn't about to let me go. He's told me this a lot when I bring up the flirting, which mind you, hasn't been for a while. We are very serious.

Yesterday was just the first day I even thought seriously about breaking up with him... and that was after I posted here. Usually I think about it and what would happen and usually I talk to him and I'm better (just this gosh darn flirting thing which has improved a bit). Last night after I got a bit of support from you I actually felt so much better. I can't go into details about other things we've been through but it's been quite a lot.

Evicted, tell me how you got past that behavior... it would be very useful to me and that there is hope!! lol

I'm still going to see how things go...

[RdHrshyKss]

i tend to think that the only way people can really LEARN is from their mistakes. his mistake would be losing you. if you are unhappy with the way he behaves with other girls, and he continues to do so (no matter whether it's "hard" for him or not) you should kick him to the curb. that is inappropriate behavior for someone who is in a relationship. if he can't handle not flirting with other girls, then he isn't relationship material. there is no reason that you should have to stick it out for his sake. if anything, you dumping him will light a fire under his ass to change. by sticking it out with him, you are subconsciously telling him that he doesn't need to change because you will always be there. i completely disagree with evicted...if he actually truly loved you, then he'd be making an honest effort to change his behavior for the relationship. he wouldn't use a cop out like "that's just who i am".

[Raze]

There's nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with him. If he doesn't realize that you have it going on then it's his loss. I bet you that you can find someone way better. =)

[evicted]

There are a lot factors that added together in helping me change. Most importantly, it was for my gf to explain to me exactly how she felt about it. I understood that it was becoming a problem and that she had a right to address it. From then on, just support, patience, and work! It's not going to happen overnight, it is a gradual process. Unlike what some of the above posts say, No one is perfect, we all have flaws. As long as he is willing to try, and your willing to be patient, you won't have to wait for too long to find yourself in a relationship that most people dream of =) At the end of the day, all the time you both spent working on your relationship will only make you guys stronger. If you want a "perfect" relationship you both have to be willing to work at it, and from what you have been saying, I'm positive you both can do it!

Here is my deep thought for your situation :
Have faith hold loves hand and pave the road for you.

haha Good luck!

[sceescee89]

I talked to him this afternoon and I told him that I really didn't like it and that I'm really getting sick of having to bring it up time and time again. I said obviously this is an issue that never gets solved and I told him I'm getting tired of hearing the "it's just who I am" response. I pretty much just repeated a lot of what I wrote in previous posts.

He told me that he cares about me and that I'M his girlfriend.. no one else is. It bothered him that I said that I felt like he was flirting around and then coming back to me at night. He really didn't like that. He said however though that he didn't care if I flirted with other guys because he trusts me not to do anything. I mean, this feels nice but still seems weird he wouldn't get jealous (though he has exhibited this behavior a few times before). He said as long as I don't go sleeping around or kissing other guys (which I would never do) he trusts me completely and that I need to trust him completely. I told him it's not about trust but respecting our relationship and respecting my feelings. I told him that I think he is just pushing it too far and I feel upset when he does such things.

I do trust him... like I said before, I just don't like the flirting. I've told him that I think getting 'too close' was unacceptable behavior and he told me he hasn't done that since I told him last (which he hasn't, thank God).

So.. the conversation turned out positively in my opinion. Though I still feel like some bits were untouched and will probably come up again. After this conversation, I honestly feel we are closer.. when he first came over I was feeling pretty down in the dumps.

[RdHrshyKss]

it sounds like he gave the whole "you can flirt with other guys" statement because he wants to be able to continue doing it himself. be prepared for having to approach him again in the future. although, i'd personally tell him that he either respects that it makes you feel uncomfortable (whether you trust him or not) and stop, or you will go find someone who isn't like that. just make it known, that this is not a personality trait that you will tolerate (and most girls won't, so don't feel like you are some exception...he is being ridiculous about this). if you truly care about/love someone, the last thing you'd want to do is hurt them...and publicly flirting with other girls in front of you is just disgusting in my opinion.

[lahnnabell]

I told him it's not about trust but respecting our relationship and respecting my feelings. I told him that I think he is just pushing it too far and I feel upset when he does such things.

This was a very good response. I guarantee you that if he saw you flirting with other guys, it would light a fire under his ass.

[Raze]

Don't play with fire unless you want to get burned.

[RdHrshyKss]

i think she already mentioned that he's displayed jealously and upset when other guys have shown her attention. what a hypocrite.