big date tonight! need advice!!

[squirrley]

SON OF A BITCH!!! I had this post all done and lost it now ive got retype it!
First Alexi-my response to Iron was an inside joke between us...Im NOT shallow squirrley here! But we laugh about it alot! Even though I agree with you to some extent I think people have to have some kinda of an pyhsical attraction to the other person-that doesnt mean that someone who may think they may have physical characterstics that arent great doesnt mean they have to work harder-they dont-its all about the confidence.

Ok-now to Breezy-I agree with you there!!!

And now to Iron-baby-you did the aggressing-and if it werent for you...well I just want to say thank you...

[sfalexi]

Men, be honest. If a woman walked in a room that you didn't think was all that striking, would it REALLY be enough that she just showed up for you to ask her on a date? (And I'm not talking take her back to your place to get laid---I mean a REAL get to know you date). Attraction is a very personal and individual thing. If I wore a low v-neck top out; yeah I'd get attention.......from all the slobbering morons that were looking for a quick romp in the hay. But would someone take me seriously and want to get to know me? Probably not.

If a girl isn't attractive to me, why would I want to date her? I'm looking for a girl with a total package. Personality, looks, humor, etc. If they're lacking in one department or other, they're not gonna make me happy. And what's the FIRST department you can assess? Looks. You can assess that even BEFORE getting to know them. So while, YES, all the slobbering sex-hungry maniacs will be hitting on you, so will those that are interested in ACTUALLY getting to know you. Because they like what they see so far and they HAVE to hit on you in order to get a date and find out if there's more to you than a pair of legs and a great ass. But if you showed up unattractive, why should they bother? You could have the greatest personality in the world, but if they're not attracted to you, they're not gonna be happy in a relationship.

Even though I agree with you to some extent I think people have to have some kinda of an pyhsical attraction to the other person-that doesnt mean that someone who may think they may have physical characterstics that arent great doesnt mean they have to work harder-they dont-its all about the confidence.

If this is true, then why is it that when I walk into a bar with my two friends (who many girls consider hot), they are the ones that girls flirt with? We'll all be standing there, talking with each other, however whenever a girl 'overhears' us and joins in, they talk to one of THEM. The reason? Because they are more attractive. And the girls are interested in getting to know the attractive one. The only time I get girls to join in conversation with me is when I'm wearing a tight shirt or an athletic T or something that shows that I have a fairly decent body.

I actually performed an "experiment". Not very scientific, but just wanted to see something. All throughout last semester, I joked around with the girls in my chamber music class (class was all girls except for me and Eli. And Eli is about 70 years old and married). Most of them laughed at my jokes and joked around back, except for one girl who pretty much went out of her way to ignore/avoid me (she was fairly pretty and just being a bitch I guess. You could tell she thought she was 'all that')

So one day I wore a ribbed athletic T. Throughout the semester I wore nothing but baggy, loose-fitting shirts. Now I wore a muscle T. THIS day, they all laughed harder, would come up and 'casually' touch my shoulder, would squeeze my bicep, laugh and put their hand on my chest, basically they showed that they liked what they saw and were much more 'flirty'. Even the one bitchy-girl started joking around with me and flirting now.

Is it because I was 'more confident' that day? No. I've had the same jokes and wit all year round. Or is it because that day they found me attractive? Needless to say, from that day FORWARD, even at this point when I was back to the baggy T-shirts they were all a little more flirty, but not as much as THAT DAY when they saw what I've been hiding.

Alexi

[squirrley]

Alexi-I said Id agreed with you-but there still has got to be somewhat of an initital attraction...you wearing your tight t's proves that...and even though you did your expirement that was in a class where you already knew these people-so that shouldnt count-try that at a bar where no one knows you.

Heres me: at 175 pounds out with a friend whose like 115 and shes got fake hooters-well damn you know whose gonna get hit on...wasnt ALWAYS the case...depending on my mood I was able to attract men. So I guess really it all DOES depend on the person and the atmosphere youre in-and from your experiences this how you feel and from mine thats how I feel.

But it ultimately boils down first impressions...

[Breezy18]

If a girl isn't attractive to me, why would I want to date her? I'm looking for a girl with a total package. Personality, looks, humor, etc.
Alexi

Yes yes Alexi, but I didn't say the girl had to be UNattractive to you, just not as striking as you would normally be attracted to. She'd have to show you her other attributes as you mentioned, personality, humour etc. But how can she do that if you don't give her the time of day because maybe she's a little shorter than you like, or she doesn't have blonde hair or whatever. That's what I meant by it wouldn't be enough for her just to show up. And I in NO way meant that we don't count looks as a way of attracting other people. I just mean, why the hell should I wear a low cut top to attract a male when I have SO many other things going for me? I want to attract the guy that can look past large breasts and great hair and want to get to know the person inside. And I do NOT think I'm unattractive, especially when I go out, but I still get overlooked (even wearing a low cut top). Interesting experiment you did though. Very interesting. Of course everyone loves a toned body. I won't deny that. My point was simply that you can't just go by looks and most women I know do not. It's like you said. The total package. But most men won't take the time to get to know me if they don't like what they see OR if they DO like what they see, then it's just a sexual thing. Maybe I've just had bad experiences. I don't know.

[Breezy18]

PS - Even if you do go on for hours or become bitchy, the V-neck will probably help them not notice and/or care!

sooooooooooooooo what was that again? I'd get hit on by the guys who really want to get to know me too? How can they get to know me if they don't care or don't notice what my personality is like? Just curious.
The KEY phrase in my original post was, "attraction is VERY subjective". You can't generalize. I still hold firm to that opinion. You have to decide who it is you WANT to attract, then dress and act accordingly.

[sfalexi]

Just to clarify, my PS and suggestion about wearing a low-cut V-neck was meant as a joke. As for

But most men won't take the time to get to know me if they don't like what they see OR if they DO like what they see, then it's just a sexual thing.

if they DO like what they see, you're gonna have to do more 'filtering' in order to weed out the ones that are only looking for sex from those that are looking for MORE than that. However the main advantage to looking sexy and attractive is that you will have LOTS more people to choose from. Whereas someone who's unattractive and shows up to places looking non-sexy won't have that much attention and therefore won't have that much of a choice of who to get to know and who not to.

Alexi

[squirrley]

AMEN SISTA!!! Hey you must hang out at those local scummy bars too uh? The ones where the afternoon scragglers come in all raunchy and nasty! OH WAIT-I live in FL theres year round nasties here...ok so Breezy where do you to "socialize"?

Theres no place here...no place-so I stay home. And when I do go out-well THESE bars are useless and I wouldnt even think twice about bringn any of those jackasses home...

And its based on looks here...Im sorry but theres not a damn thing attractive about a man who comes into a joint with torn jeans-nasty facial hair-dirty-holes in their damn shoes-full of just nasties...and this is the type of men that live here-either that or there just plain ignorant and its written on their face. Who the heck said something about making a decision within the first 30 seconds? Was that you Alexi? I think that almost holds true. YUP a man opens his mouth here and you want to run for the hills!

This is me-this is who I am-I shouldnt have to dress to impress-keep it on the low-keep to who I am-and the rest will follow-if you dont like what you see-hey no loss for me-someone will come along and appreciate me for who I am...and its easier too-just being yourself and not putting on some charade. Its all in the name of the game-and if you want to play...I prefer not to...too many weasels here.

[Breezy18]

Just to clarify, my PS and suggestion about wearing a low-cut V-neck was meant as a joke. As for if they DO like what they see, you're gonna have to do more 'filtering' in order to weed out the ones that are only looking for sex from those that are looking for MORE than that. However the main advantage to looking sexy and attractive is that you will have LOTS more people to choose from. Whereas someone who's unattractive and shows up to places looking non-sexy won't have that much attention and therefore won't have that much of a choice of who to get to know and who not to.
Alexi

Okay, sorry Alexi. It's hard to tell on here who's kidding and who is not. You make a valid point, my friend. (Damn it!).

ok so Breezy where do you to "socialize"?

hahaha........you, you are kidding right? Socialize in THIS dead zone? funny girl. VERY funny. Like I told you, the Sports Bar is in the next town over and the only places around HERE attract the same kind of "scum" that you described. Not my cup of tea. And the bars here are full of kids. Sorry guys, I know a lot of you are 19 and 20 and there is NOTHING wrong with that, but it's just too young for me. Personally my friends are all different ages.....I even go to lunch once a month with a girl I used to work with who is only 17. Age does not matter when you like hanging with somebody, BUT for dating I'd kinda like to stick my own age range. So the local bars are out, because NOBODY my age goes there. Just the younguns. Then there's the dives that HERE are exactly like Squirrley described. So, I guess it's off to church meetings. Yeah right. I've been to a couple and I'm sorry, nothing against religion, but they were the most BORING things I've ever had to sit through. The people just weren't my cup of tea. If I'm serious about meeting anyone, I have to go out of town or rely on my friends to fix me up, (not always a good idea! lol). Networking is good though. You could meet a friend of a friend, who's brother has a friend who's cousin is looking for someone JUST like you. lol

[sfalexi]

You could meet a friend of a friend, who's brother has a friend who's cousin is looking for someone JUST like you. lol

lol! Priceless!!!!! Very good! Next time though, throw in an animal . . . "You could meet a friend of a friend, who's brother has a friend who's cousin's, dog's previous owner's brother is looking for someone JUST like you!" Just juices it up a bit . . .

[Breezy18]

lol Alexi. Good one! Wish I'd thought of that.
P.S. I tried the cleavage thing and I'll be damned! It works! There's this friend I see regular, (old bf) but we don't have anything romantic anymore. We went to the show to see Troy today and I wore a sweater that's usually in the back of my closet because I've always felt it was too revealing. He complimented me on it, which is weird because he never says ANYTHING about my clothes. He could've just like the sweater, sure, but I really think it was because he was drawn to the cleavage and thus noticed the sweater.