Help! He's totally into me and I'm married. Hard part is, I'm in to him!

[clair23]

Thanks everyone for your advice! Every time I think of this other man..which by the way, someone kept using the word "boyfriend"..he is NOT my boyfriend. But anyway, every time I think of this other man, I'm just going to get a mental image of my kids and know that is not the right time. Someday though, they will know the truth and know what I went through for them and I hope they will honor me for my decision to have stayed with their father for the time that I did, regardless of what he did and they will know it was all for them. Also, I hope when they are old enough to understand, they will want what is best for me like I always want what is best for them and honor my decision if I decide to leave my husband for my own happiness.

[Perryville]

If you tell this man about your feelings it will create another situation, to add to the situations you are already facing. You must concentrate on your education and raising your kids, this doesn't allow time for emotional affairs. BTW if you think that , just because you don't have sex, that you are not cheating, you are mistaken. EA's (emotional affairs) are in many ways more devestating than PA's (physical affairs). Get your family straightened out first, then find another man.

[Mia123]

Put yourself in Mr Teacher's shoes.. assuming the attraction is mutual, would you want to wait and wait for the love of your life to leave their husband? Would you be happy knowing that you couldn't plan the month together let alone the rest of your lives? That you couldn't organise surprise outings, weekends away, even buy gifts? Would you be happy keeping your relationship hush hush when you are so in love you want to sing it from the roof tops? To tell him now would be totally selfish. Leave him, or any man for that matter, alone until you a 100% free to pursue a new relationship.

[Heratriumphant]

OP, I'm going to gently suggest that you are reading WAY to much into Mr. Teachers actions.

You're a young mom in a crappy marriage any attention you get from a man is going to be magnified x10 because of your situation. The fantasy of a wonderful, kind man who will cherish you and maybe even save you is taking hold. You need to step back and develops your self esteem and your own life before you can even begin to think about having a relationship.

Are you going to leave your husband? When?

How are you going to support your children?

An affair is a fantasy, a way to deny the reality of the life your in. Fix your life, don't run from it.

[vashti]

I see all your points, but I am still wondering what you think of what I just said...

I think you will find nursing school to be VERY difficult. Buy your books only one semester at a time.

[Lite]

Either nut up and file for divorce, or stop cheating on your husband. Even if he's cheated on you that is a line you really, really, really do not want to cross.

As someone who has cheated on their spouse please believe me when I say it's about the most awful thing you can do to yourself. Because once you cross that line you will cross it again, and again, and again. And you will wonder for the rest of your life whether or not you're actually capable of carrying on a monogamous loving relationship with just one other person.

And each time you do it, it gets easier the next time.

Basically you're high on the fact that someone else is injecting energy into your life, and you've been feeling neglected. Take the high road, do what you have to, and file for divorce.

What I like here is you're making him out to be the bad guy for cheating, yet you openly admit that you're using and abusing him financially for your own gain. You're also fooling yourself if you think the kids don't notice the behavior of their parents, and that it is not affecting them in a negative manner. Pretty much your behavior is hurting your children as much as his, and it's great when you have three children you get to emotionally screw up because neither of you is capable of being a loving, caring adult without using the other person in some form or another.

[clair23]

Um, excuse me am I losing my mind? I never said anything about cheating on my husband. Being flattered by someone flirting with you is not cheating. My husband had SEX with another woman. I haven't even touched this guy...kiss or anything... I did feel my emotions starting to get involved because his flirting is getting pretty extreme and I asked everyone's opinion "should I tell him I like him, but nothing can happen", or "should I not tell him anything and blow him off when he flirts again?" Tell me what the hell I did wrong with that?

I have made my decision to completely blow this guy off and get over it and someday in the future, if I want to pursue dating if I ever get a divorce from my husband, then I will. Until then, whether my husband is cheating on me or not, there is nothing I can do and if you were basically a single mother, you asshole with 3 kids, you would think of everything in your power to do to put a roof over their heads and put food on the table. Don't ****ing sit here and tell me I am using my husband and what I am doing is comparable to him cheating on me. **** you. He married me and had children with me, those are his children too. I am doing what is best for them and if you want to call that using my husband, go right ahead. Any smart person wouldn't just file for divorce like an idiot and expect to get full custody of their children, because I WILL NOT be away from my children. What the hell would I do financially? He is the one that f*ked up, and he is the one that will pay for it in the end. You are in no place to judge.

Also, as far as the lives of our children, you think I talk like this (the way I am typing) in front of them? Believe it or not, my husband and I do not fight in front of them. Don't take your experience or other's people experiences and automatically assume that's the way it's done in our home. Our children are very happy. They don't sense anything and trust me, if they did, I would be the one sensing a change in them.

[cmacattack1]

That has to be terrible to have your husband cheat on you. What took years to build such a strong and powerful bond took one mistake to have it all dissapear. That must be gut wrenching and it rips the soul out of the relationship. They always talk about it as a fluke and that they will try extra hard from now on to fix it and make it right. It doesn't matter though, once that damage is done, have relationships, let alone marriage, ever been repaired to be stronger than before? Not that I have seen.

They were observing that you were emotionally cheating on your husband by getting involved and spending time with another guy while in a marriage regardless if you haven't kissed or anything. If you feel yourself falling for another guy and your husband is none the wiser, it's emotionally cheating.

It sounds like you weren't ready for marriage and either was he. It's such a serious decision and it has more implications beyond emotions. Acting like he doesn't have a wife half the time is an irresponsible, selfish and immature thing to do. I'll admit I've done it (not the cheating part but I chose to hang with my friends instead of spending time with her). And what did getting married do for you? Did it still have that same feeling and magic up until he cheated? It didn't sound like you guys were together long enough to make that decision and I can't help but feel the kids factored into that equation..

[IndiReloaded]

He married me and had children with me, those are his children too. I am doing what is best for them and if you want to call that using my husband, go right ahead. Any smart person wouldn't just file for divorce like an idiot and expect to get full custody of their children, because I WILL NOT be away from my children. What the hell would I do financially? He is the one that f*ked up, and he is the one that will pay for it in the end. You are in no place to judge.

Sounds right to me. I would choose to interpret Lite's post as where you *could* end up, but I think you have your head screwed on the right way. You've got enough troubles with your husband, I think you are smart to not add to the pile.

[jav1231]

You're husband is an asshole. Divorce him. Then see where this relationship can take you. Staying with a man who cheats is only going to lead to you feeling miserable. Your husband should have his butt kicked for what he's doing. Leave him. There are better men out there and apparently you may have found one.

[Illusional]

hrmm.... simply put, this teacher isn't going anywhere. you have already got a problem on your hand and divorces don't happen overnight. i would suggest that you finish your marriage, fix it, end it, whatever you decide, but why would you want to bring another aspect to your marriage when you can't even deal with your husband now?

raverboy

[Carmen]

Divorce first, get involved with new guys later. Not the other way around unless you want to be just like your crappy husband.

[davidtorres]

So you think the teacher will give you a family and accept your 3 kids? lol You must be smoking some good shi*! The teacher will do you and leave you. At the end of the day, youll be miserable since u felt used.

[Gigabitch]

What kind of a person flirts so openly with a married woman? A dirtbag. He's insulting you and you think it's flattering. He disrespects your status as a married woman and treats you like some Hooters waitress.

Nice.

While your husband sounds like a real chode also, this teacher guy is NOT an upgrade. If you pursue this, you'll get screwed over hard and you won't even be able to complain to anyone about it because you'll be a cheater too, just like your husband.

Your life is complicated enough. Don't make it worse.

[clair23]

Oh my gosh, are you guys not listening? lol. I AM NOT PURSUING THIS TEACHER. I am going to be miserable deep down for the next few years for my kids sake until I am financially able to make it own my own, which is going to take some damn good motivation on my end...but motivation fortunately for me, is one of my good qualities. I know, the teacher knows I am married and he's still flirting..so you are right, what kind of man would do that? If it were up to me or I hit the lottery... oh, my ass would be filing for a divorce in a heart beat. I will never forget what my husband has put me through or the emotional drama I have been through with him, even before he cheated on me. He's just a piece of work and very hard to live with. And yes, I was very much in love with him before he cheated. We had our fights, but nothing we couldn't ever work through. He's just a complete ass now and I can't stand the sights of him quite honestly, BUT I do not show that in front of our kids. Those acting classes came in handy. I'm not sure if I'll ever find love again quite honestly, and quite honestly, I don't really care right now. Look what love (between a man and woman) has done for me so far? Well, I'll tell you one thing and the only pro I can think of. It has given me my three beautiful children. The hard part is, is now I have to fight like hell to ensure their happiness as they get older because I hate my husband and I have no other choice but to stick with him. Also, I have to make sure if someday I do leave my husband, his sneaky ass doesn't try to fill my children's heads with some bullshit to try to get them to turn on me or hold grudges on me for leaving (making me look like the bad guy). Also, we live close to his family, not mine...so guess who else is going to jump on me like flies on shit? Yup... I've got my work cut out for me! But I have a lot of faith and confidence that everything will turn out okay.