Dating two women

[IndiReloaded]

My impression is that Cam likes to go out 'high on the hog' and enjoys the companionship. Its the 'moving on' part that stinks.

Still, you aren't doing yourself any favours opening your wallet like this so early on. There are many activities one can do w/o the price tag, esp. this time of year. Museum and lunch, for example. Or something outdoors.

You guys who are saying his money = sex for them are just gross.

[CAM]

My impression is that Cam likes to go out 'high on the hog' and enjoys the companionship. Its the 'moving on' part that stinks.

Still, you aren't doing yourself any favours opening your wallet like this so early on. There are many activities one can do w/o the price tag, esp. this time of year. Museum and lunch, for example. Or something outdoors.

Earlier posts: yes, they all say that they are moving on...this is typical of the professional grade women these days. It is a combination of reasons that they do this. 1) Defense mechanism--they are saying that they are independent, they don't need a man to make them happy; but, if you happen to be "the one," then their plans will change. 2) Apeing behavior--they have seen this in other women and it is expected behavior for them to put career before anything else (see earlier posts by me on the Ask a Female page (or whatever the page name happens to be). I used to take that stuff seriously, but now it is so much noise that I plow forward regardless. Incidentally, your reaction to just "pump them both" is the very thing that women set themselves up for...i.e., that bad attitude in men...by sending out double messages: on one hand, they are dating you and in the next breath they say that they are moving on...in a man's brain the sum of these messages from a woman is: "I want to get laid but then I'm leaving, no string attached. I'm an independent woman and you can't hurt me." Guys think: "Shit, this free sex with a hot smart chick!" Used to fall for this; but I'm just going to be me from now on, with a focus on the scant possiblity that she (whomever) might really want to be serious (which most normal women (and men) really do want to be...serious, in love, married).

In terms of spending the money...the second date was within Indi's suggested budget. The big bucks date was actually just me wanting to go to the symphony, sit in the best seats, and have a terrific dinner. I happened to have enjoyed it with a beautiful, classy, intelligent, woman. My feeling was I didn't lose because I already got what I wanted out of the evening and it was a great opportunity to practice my good manners and dress nicely (although I wear a tie five days a week to work already...). That night, I really didn't want to get laid. But, I will tell you this much...there is nothing better than playing dress-up, have a great evening, and then have your date ripping your suit off of you in the back seat of a towncar in Chicago...been there, done that It is actually kind of fun, but it loses its charm by the time #3.

[smackie9]

OK so what are your goals here? To find something more meaningful, and permanent? Or are you just looking for casual companionship?

[CAM]

Meaningful and permanent. I want to fall in love again, get married to a woman, and have a wonderful life together. Both women seem like good prospects, the best prospects I've seen in quite some time.

Even though I fell in love with the ex-gf, she had mega issues that were evident on Day #1 and I exercised poor judgment in shrugging them off (when a woman gets naked on your kitchen floor on your second date and starts masturbating with a serving spoon to get you hot...you know, this isn't really very normal behavior...I really should have made mental note of this personality glitch...).

As far as I can tell at this point, neither of these new (to me) women have mega issues. They seem normal. I'd forgotten what normal was over the last year.

[smackie9]

So you are saying you are going to choose someone for the right reasons this time.......in other words the big head is thinking for the little head.

[CAM]

So you are saying you are going to choose someone for the right reasons this time.......in other words the big head is thinking for the little head.

Yes. I am going to choose someone for the right reasons.

[vashti]

(when a woman gets naked on your kitchen floor on your second date and starts masturbating with a serving spoon to get you hot....

Oh my god, I just threw up in my mouth a little. If this is true, I don't understand how you could have overlooked this ridiculous behavior.

With regards to your current dating, I don't have a problem with casual dating. I think you just need to be careful to make a choice before the women become attached.

[CAM]

Oh my god, I just threw up in my mouth a little. If this is true, I don't understand how you could have overlooked this ridiculous behavior.

With regards to your current dating, I don't have a problem with casual dating. I think you just need to be careful to make a choice before the women become attached.

Thanks for the good advice! I agree. I will make a choice before attachment begins to develop.

Yeah, you'd be amazed at how I have allowed myself to be bamboozled by dysfunctional gf's. Sexually, I have to be particularly vigilant. Until very recently, I didn't associate it with love or emotion; so, a woman could pretty much get me to do her whenever she wanted...it was like an everyday thing that didn't mean anything to me. It was the equivalent of a woman saying, "Cameron, get some popcorn and soda from the kitchen!" Me: "Okay." No thought involved...zipper down, dick in. Really, it was that simple because I didn't care; I didn't want it, I just did it because she (whomever "she" happened to be) asked. Because of my past, sex generally turned off my emotions and my heart.

I'm much better now, much healthier and ready for a real relationship. Sometimes it takes time and life experience to heal.

[KingZ]

Hahaha, CAM wants everyone to think he's good in the sack and generally desired by everyone. And has money.

I bet his 2000th post will be something along the lines of, "I read Shakespeare to her until she orgasmed, then I bought her a bottle of [red wine varietal nobody's ever heard of or gives a fu​ck about] that cost more than your salary. Also, I enslaved her with my tongue, and I'm not a pretentious cu​nt."

I guess this is what happens when hipsters get a career, discover expensive restaurants, and turn 50.

[CAM]

As usual, you are wrong, Waffle-breath.

I wouldn't know about midlife crises. I'm not 50. The rest of your comments are typical drivel.

Most women don't know I exist because I'm not out advertising myself. I'm basically just a clean cut, average-looking guy who is out of sight most of the time. The women I date are not run-of-the-mill in terms of personality, and they range from plain-looking to jaw-droppingly beautiful (I saw that when I introduced my last gf to friends and colleagues...they stared at her in silence). One thing my former gfs have in common: they tend to be very smart. I haven't gone out looking for sex, as I said, it just seems to happen, and I've been foolish or perhaps I struggled with issues of my own self-worth. I'm lucky to have avoided STDs...very lucky. Sounds silly, but life is a struggle and a learning experience.

Things are good now and I think I'm on a good path. Still learning, though. Thanks to everyone who has offered good wishes and good advice, too!

[iamaninnocentma]

waffle breath, lol

[haxan]

Cam is fine, he's just figuring out what he wants from the opposite sex a little later than most. That being said, he has the luxury of being a man in that regard if he ever wants to settle down and have a family. Sex is an individual thing. Men also have the luxury that when a woman is into them, she's more than happy to give herself over completely sexually. I agree with him, it's hard not to have great sex with a partner (unless you're clueless yourself) because women love to be taken, to please, and if you have a reasonable idea of what you're doing and can communicate well, great sex is always in order.

Settle down Waffle, he's figuring it out and just openly sharing his failures and successes along the way. I applaud him for being open and honest.

[KingZ]

Yep. Most women don't know you exist, and you're average.

[smackie9]

Takes one to know one.

[IndiReloaded]

I guess this is what happens when hipsters get a career, discover expensive restaurants, and turn 50.

Its the wrong question, sweet. Haxan has called this one:

Cam is fine, he's just figuring out what he wants from the opposite sex a little later than most.

The physical beauty is not the issue. This applies to women as well as men, btw:

http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/02/17/why-men-are-attracted-to-crazy-emotionally-abusive-women

Sorry the link doesn't seem to work direct, you'll have to cut/paste.