i'm pregnant.

[FNM]

Without wanting to sound callous, it's all about damage control. If I had to sway one way, it would be towards abortion. If you don't want a child and you're damn sure your partner won't, I think an abortion is, ironically, the most ethical approach. That might sound absurd, but to me it sounds like your boyfriend wouldn't want to be involved and it hardly sounds like you are desperate to be a mother either. An abortion may be inhumane, but is bringing up an unwanted child without a proper quality of life/solid father figure any more virtuous? You've made it perfectly clear that you don't want a child right now, so why make such a massive commitment to something that not only is against your will, but against your own desire? It might be the height of altruism to raise a child that is unwanted, but wouldn't you be sacrificing your own life somewhat? You're 20! You should enjoy your life some more without such a humongous responsibilty. You have plenty of time to find the right man to father a child with you, when you are ready to make that commitment, because frankly, you aren't yet. Speak to your guy, see what he says. Don't let him decide for you, but you should certainly take into account what he says.

Like I say, it's a question of damage control. You're always going to feel ambivalence towards this. Do you raise an unwanted child that is likely to be emotionally malnourished? Or can you take the emotional toll of aborting an unborn baby?

My advice: Don't have a baby just because abortion is frowned upon. Do what you want to do, not what you think you should do or you are told you should do.

[adam95]

well i think even if you and ur bf dont want a baby, abortion isnt the only way. you can give the baby up for adoption. you dont have to raise him/her.
but honestly its your choice. this is just what i think.

[bluesummer]

I agree with everyone here, you definitely need to tell him. Then you need to make the decision that's right for you.

Realize too, that having a baby is not simply as easy as 'coping'. You are in charge of a life, here. If you're not fully dedicated to your child and giving the world to them you are not ready to be a mother. I watched my sister have a baby at 19, and her life has been hard since (nine years later). She can't get ahead, she can't do much for herself. She didn't finish high school and she didn't go to uni. Her life is on hold for quite awhile, as yours will be if you have this child. Just recognize that.

[IndiReloaded]

Abortion is a perfectly viable option in your situation. I don't think that people should be 'punished' for their mistakes. Not when you are discussing a choice that will affect not only your life, but that of your unborn child.

There are plenty of poor, unloved, unwanted children on this earth. No reason to produce another from some misplaced sense of guilt. Quality of life >>> quantity.

But, if your ethics or religion don't permit abortion, then adoption is certainly a viable alternative. But choose what seems right for you, don't let anyone else sway your decision either way. They are not the ones having to live with the decision. You are. Best of luck.

[qwertz]

Abortion is a perfectly viable option in your situation. I don't think that people should be 'punished' for their mistakes. Not when you are discussing a choice that will affect not only your life, but that of your unborn child.

There are plenty of poor, unloved, unwanted children on this earth. No reason to produce another from some misplaced sense of guilt. Quality of life >>> quantity.

But, if your ethics or religion don't permit abortion, then adoption is certainly a viable alternative. But choose what seems right for you, don't let anyone else sway your decision either way. They are not the ones having to live with the decision. You are. Best of luck.

100% agree with this.

[silentmirror]

First of all, I think you should visit an obstetrician to be sure. Some over-the-counter pregnancy kits give false positive results (you wouldn't want to freak out your boyfriend for a false alarm, would you?) And after the visit and you're now sure that you're pregnant, THEN you tell him. You should just be ready in what ever way he reacts.

I believe ABORTION IS NEVER AN OPTION. Whatever happens, I think you should not deprive the poor kid a chance to live. In the duration of your pregnancy, make a decision if you would like to keep him/her or you could just put him/her up for adoption. But please, don't abort the kid.

[LailaK]

You should do what ever is right for you. Don't let someone make you feel guilty for your choice.

Abortion is an option and if that's your choice then more power to you.

I also think adoption is one of the most brave and loving gifts a mother can give a child that she cannot take care of. I'm half adopted. I do not know my biological father but my adopted father is amazing. My biological father gave me the best gift in the world when he gave me up. he gave me a family who loves me.

I agree that there are too many unwanted children in the world but the harsh truth is that if your baby is white, 100% healthy and you give it up as a baby, the child will most likely be adopted. Children have a higher chance of going into the foster care system if they have health problems, are minorities, or were given up for adoption when they were older. The world is f*cked up, but if you give your child up for adoption from birth they will most likely be adopted.

Just think about your choice, and do whatever works for you.

[adam95]

yeah it all comes down to you and your values, me and silent mirror are against abortion but i do understand why some ppl would decide to go with an abortion. do visit a doctor just to be sure about your pregnancy. i wish you the best of luck.