Need relationship help urgently...I can't go on like this!

[BillyGalbreath]

spealing of tunnels - I found my light a few weeks ago and I ran to it. Now I am at the light - the end of the tunnel. I can see the outside world from where I stand. I want so badly to go out there. But for some reason I keep looking back into the tunnel, knowing that at that other end is a light I have been to and liked. Sometimes I stare at it for so long I start to think that maybe, just maybe if I start going back the other way, thru this tunnel again, that maybe I will reach that light again.

I am kinda happy where I stand right now - but this is a lonely place for me. I am at a spot where no one else is around me - I have no friends, and no girl. The only ppl I have is my dad and my son.

I look back at the other end of my tunnel and I remember all those places and things. Some of them were hard times, but there were great times, vey few, but so great they seemed to out weigh the bad. And then I look at this new place that I have never been before. And everything is new to me. I cant tell the bad from the good here. And I dont know anyone. Not one single soul.

I know what I want to do - but it will be hard for me, and I dont know how to do it. And then I know the easy way that will take me back thru some hard times to get to a place that most prolly doesn't even even exist anymore.

Where does a 20 y/o single dad, with no car go to meet these new ppl ? Where do I go, what do I say, how do I act, etc etc... I dont go to clubs or bars. And I work full time during the week. I have no car so I cant go very far. And where ever I go my son has to go, except for the few times I can get someone to watch him for an hour or two...

My problem is meeting friends. I am not really looking for a g/f, I know she will find me one day. But how do I meet friends ? I really dont have any interest except baseball and computers - but i dont want nerdy friends, and i dont want jock's as friends (they are too dumb)...

This is just all too damn confusing for me - I know the first step is the hardest to ever take... I just dont know HOW to take this new step. I dont even have someone to show me or tell me anymore for I am seriously totally alone.

[Morbid Angel]

billy, ill be ur friend
i have no idea where to start making new friends, ive often wondered how to make friends when u cant go out alot and dont go to clubs n bars nstuff. personally ( i know its wrong) i wait for things to come to me, and i never understand why they dont really dont know what to tell u, but if u put urself out there itll happen by itself. im not speaking bout going to bars or parties or stuff, even going grocery shopping might make something happen. dont count on it but this world is weird other ppl can give u better advice btw i just felt like typing a bit, and i want friends too so will u b my friend?
oh yeah, ill contact everyone on msn in a little while, im just not using it atm.
o and i just thouhgt bout sumthing. wouldnt it be nice if WE controlled everything? that our partners, or ex's loved us unconditionally, and we were the ones that could decide if we liked them or not? that way we'd never get hurt. then again then we're the enemies.just a thought. i feel crazy tonight

[Bonovox40]

Hatter, my ex did the same thing to me that you're going through. S A M E thing almost to the T! What I didn't accept was that it really WAS over, and it basically is for you. You're holding on to something that is dead and now it's just decomposing more and more as time goes on. I'm going to tell you that I was basically EXACTLY the way you are (and in some ways am still trying to get over) when I dated. I'm 26 but this stuff went down when I was 24.
There are things that you're describing that you do (actions and attributes) that are NOT attractive to women. I should know, I did them myself and sometimes struggle to keep from regressing that way. You're basically clingy to her and self dependant on her needs. It's FINE to be kind, loving, caring and emotionally available. BUT you can't just be that way ALL the time.

Before I go any farther, let me tell you that my ex and I had a simliar seperation under smililar terms (no dating, waiting till SHE gets what she wanted figured out) and I AGREED to it like a chump. The thing is I KNEW what I wanted. We were together long enough that if she couldn't decide to be with me, then it's her loss, have a nice life. BUT, I agreed to her terms and stayed faithful to her. Little did I know she ended up sleeping with her ex until I found evidence and she admitted it a few months later.

The thing is, you ALREADY know from HER lips that she has slept with someone and broken the initial agreement! You should have dropped her like a SACK OF POTATOES on the spot! By staying with her and "trying to work things out", you basically told her "I'm ok with you cheating on me because I love you and you know that you can walk all over me because i'm desperate for you!" (That is how SHE sees it!)

I'm not saying this to make you upset, I went through this TOO! I had a hard time letting go until she told me of her unfaithfulness and how she led me along. I was her "safety net" and so are YOU! Unforntunatly, you've become her "If all else fails net" because she's so sick and tired of you if what you're telling us is even REMOTELY true.

Let me say again. I went through this. It was painful, disheartening, and made me for a time feel that there was no point in dating women if they could be like this. But I realized that there is ALWAYS the potential for women to be like this. (guys also of course!) But there are people out there who ARE NOT like this. It's our job to sort through the streets of wrong turns and dead ends to find that street that leads OUR way.

You say that she stated that the reason she started acting like this was when you couldn't come see her when she came back sick? Uh uh. She felt like this BEFORE. That was the EXCUSE she had that was serious enough to throw against you because you couldn't retaliate with anything back. Women try to find EXAMPLES to use as a stepping stone to express themselves. That one reason could NOT be all it took to throw this relationship off course. It's impossible unless she has some severe mental condition and even then unlikely. She was harboring feelings until she had the opportunity to use something against. Hello! It's called MIND GAMES! And they're terrible especially when you don't know they're being played against you!
(more later)

[sfalexi]

Where does a 20 y/o single dad, with no car go to meet these new ppl ? Where do I go, what do I say, how do I act, etc etc... I dont go to clubs or bars. And I work full time during the week. I have no car so I cant go very far. And where ever I go my son has to go, except for the few times I can get someone to watch him for an hour or two...

My problem is meeting friends. I am not really looking for a g/f, I know she will find me one day. But how do I meet friends ? I really dont have any interest except baseball and computers - but i dont want nerdy friends, and i dont want jock's as friends (they are too dumb)...

Start with where you work. Look for people there. And if none of them look like they could be a cool friend to hang out with, get their number and hang out with them just once in a while. They'll undoubtedly ask you to hang out with them and THEIR friends, and maybe you will find a cool guy in the group of "THEIR friends" that you wanna hang with. It's all about networking.

Or leave a half hour early and stop at the nearest coffee shop for a coffee or donuts or SOMETHING. You might start up a conversation with someone in there (probably a female since it IS a little 'wierd' to go up and start a conversation with just 'some guy' in a coffee shop). Maybe you can hang out with her. Tell her you're not really looking for a girlfriend, but wouldn't mind just hanging out. Maybe she is and she'll say "no". Or maybe she just wants someone to hang out with too and you'll eventually meet HER friends and maybe you will find someone there.

Or give in and go to a bar or club.

Basically, you have to get at least ONE person that you can 'stand' to be around every once in a while. And then you get introduced to their friends and you network from there.

Alexi

[BillyGalbreath]

I thought about that too - the whole networking thing - It WILL work, and I know this. But its just that first step - finding that one person that wouldnt mind being around ME, not the other way around... Where I work I am the youngest person by far - I actually shouldn't even have this job, but they like my IQ and my test scores (I hold the company record) so they hired me. The next youngest person I think is in their early 30's. And I am not a racist or anything - but he is black... And he acts black... I act white... So we really dont get along too well... Then everyone else is old fashioned and stuff - so their friends have got to be old fashioned - not the crowd I want to fall into...

I go grocery shopping, I go to movie stores, I go get gas for all the cars at my house (3 of them), I go to the park and play baseball on the weekends, I even hang around my son's babysiter's place for about 15 minutes each time i pick him up or drop him off hoping to find someone my age that drops their kids off there too...

So far I found an old friend that is 18. I got her number and every time I call her she is always doing something so she cant talk - then once I asked her to just call me when she gets a chance - 3 weeks no call - I went back to Best Buy to buy a movie and saw her again and I asked her from across the checkout area if she would like me to call her tonight - she just had this look on her face like 'uh... no!' and then shrugged her shoulders... so i didnt call her. I even gave her my aim sn so she could contact me on there the first time i talked to her on the phone - she didnt give me her sn and she never contacted me...

Then there was this other old friend, also a girl, but she is 20. She wants to go hang out and stuff and I dont want to hang with her. I used to have a crush on her in high school, and now she is my ex's best friend. The whole reasoning of me trying to make new friends is to get away from my ex's and their friends...

Then three days ago (monday) in the morning while I was getting in the truck to go to work I saw this girl that looked to be about 17 or 18. She looked pretty familiar, and for awhile I thought she was this girl I knew back in junior high school. Turns out she is not. She lives about 5 houses down from me. She smiled really big at me like she was interested in what she saw (me, of course - lol) and then said 'Hi!' loud and clearly while she was looking me directly in the eyes. I froze up solid and all I could do was say 'hi.' like a little kid would when their parent would bring over a new friend and introduce them to you. Then she just kept walking down the sidewalk, on her way to school I am assuming. Then after she was about 25-30 feet from me i snapped back and finished loading up the truck. Yesterday I saw her again, but I was already driving down the street going to work, but i got a better look at her. Now she looks 15 or 16 to me. So i guess she is out of the question now... ...

BTW - the ppl I play baseball with are my little brothers and their friends (they are all anywhere from 12-16) - so yeah - I dont really consider them friends, just ppl I play baseball with.

It is so hard to find someone my age its unreal... I would spend more time outdoors, but I have a 15 month old son and it is about 90 degrees here during the days now. So he cant be out in the heat like I can. And my step-mother will watch him, but she is already watching him too much - she watches him whenever I go to the park, or go get gas, or food, or movies, etc... I would love to take him down to the beach or something - but he is WAY to little for that much sun just yet. I want to wait until he is at least 2 years old before he gets his first sun burn (and trust me - here you can get a sunburn in 30 minutes to an hour)...

I really dont know what else that I can do to expose myself to more ppl. And hell, besides clubs and bars and strip joints I dont know where ppl my age hang out. lol. I have always had older friends (22-32 now) and I got kinda used to their lifestyles and such (the older more mature crowd) but I dont communicate with any of them anymore - and frankly i dont want to. Most of them know either Destine or Robin anyways... Robin used to be my best friend, but now I know that she is friends with Destine. And i dont want anything I do to get back to Destine. I am still going thru the custody battle - i have 1 last court date that is gonna set everything in stone for good - and I dont want destine to have anything on me... Hell, I cant even trust my mom anymore because I found out just this weekend that she talks to destine all the time and sunday night they all went out to a club together... ...

But anyways... This is where I am stuck now. I cant even seem to be able to find just one friend in my area - yeah sure, it is easy as all hell to find ppl on the internet - but Houston has the lowest amount of online ppl in the world. So I hardly ever find anyone on the net near me. I want to unplug from these damn machines anyways and go out into the world and meet REAL ppl (i said unplug because that is the term me and my internet hacker buds use - yes - I am a hacker - but not a bad hacker)... ...

When I came to this forum I was hoping to find someone from my area - but hell no. your from all over the world, but not one person is even in Texas...

Anyways - just more info for you all to chew on a bit and get more ideas or somthin... ...

[sfalexi]

Damn that is a tuffy. As a last resort, you could join one of them internet connection communities and check off "looking for people of either sex just as friends" or whatever. That IS an option. You ever see anyone in the park around your age while going to or from baseball or while walking around with your kid? You could just simply go up to them and say, "Listen, I know this is wierd, but do you play baseball? Cause my friends and I play every Sat. and we could use an extra person or two." [edit]BTW, best that you be holding some sort of baseball equipment so they don't think you're just some gay guy that's hitting on them. And call it "ball" instead of baseball.[/edit] I know for sure I'D jump at an invitation like that. I've been DYING to find people to play baseball with. But can't for some reason.

Then talk to them during baseball. Plus that's one thing you have in common which would make it more likely that you'd make friends. And then invite them to invite anyone they know along. Hell, you could end up starting some wierd saturday sandlot league or something.

Alexi

I'll try to think of others throughout the day and see what I come up with.

[BillyGalbreath]

thats not a bad idea - thanks alexi - I will try it saturday if I see someone