What went wrong ?

[Charlie Boy II]

These are my favorite kinds of threads: David12, the young chick with the creepy older guy. I love 'em.

[inspectahdeck]

BethFromEngland, You're being way too hard on yourself,...You sound like you're a good person when you're not depressed,..I'm sure you try your best to be the best person you can, but you have to understand that, that doesn't mean the world will give you what you're owed,...I know I used to feel that way,..not long ago either,..I hate to say it but this world just isnt fair and will only get worse the more depressed you are...you need to think of things that are good in your life and make yourself happy,...well if you want to talk I'll talk to you,...I'm going through some of the same stuff so maybe we can help each other out

[vashti]

Meh, I have difficulty mustering up sympathy for someone so intent on being the sole guest at a private pity party.

[bethfromEngland]

I did say that i have had other worse problems in my life recently,and i know there are worse things that can happen,but what might not seem like a big deal to one person can seem that way to another.And as i said this added on with everything else can make it seem worse.It's alright for him.He has at least three friends that i know about,and he has told me about others but dont know if he still sees them,and he works nights.But just because he might think he is perfect,doesnt mean he should treat people who arent ,badly
Thanks,inspectahdeck,i really appreciate you saying i can chat to you.
I know everyone is trying to help and i appreciate it,but it still hurts and i know it takes time to get over it.It hasnt really been all that long since i met him or since i last spoke to him.I guess i just get so frustrated at being kind to people all the time and not doing any harm,well not intentionally,and i still get treated this way.I was always kind to him and didnt feel i deserved it.if that isnt good enough well then i dont know what is.And he must have been attracted to me at first or else i dont think he would have given me his number

vashti,i suppose you've never had any problems ?

[vashti]

On the contrary; I've had plenty of problems over the course of my life. I have just learned how to distinguish between real problems and those I have inflated beyond reason. You may indeed have some real problems. This guy not wanting to see you anymore after one date is NOT one of them. (Your reaction may be, though.)

Have you ever sought professional help? Maybe you should consider...

[bethfromEngland]

yes i have,it never works..

Well he needed telling i think,and whether i should have said it or not,im glad i did,as i dont believe in beating around the bush and playing games with people.i tell it like it is and i am who i am,and if people dont like it,tough.I dont see whats wrong with being friends,if not dating.I would feel just as hurt if it was a ' friend' doing this though,although a friend shouldnt do it.


It's his loss anyway,i give up with him now

[inspectahdeck]

Try not to expect anything out of anyone,...just let them act the way they act and react to it,..if you expect something you're most likely going to be disapointed,...atleast that's what ive learned

[Gigabitch]

Beth, once more: he doesn't owe you anything. Stop focusing all of your attention on this non-problem and deal with the things that really matter.

[IndiReloaded]

Stop focusing all of your attention on this non-problem and deal with the things that really matter.

+1

Beth, since you're here anyway, & I happen to agree w/you about the limited value of shrinks, here's a thought that might help you to decide when you might be overreacting:

but what might not seem like a big deal to one person can seem that way to another.

This was your quote^. Consider the fact that different ppl will respond differently to the same situation (what you said). When this happens to you (you encounter a situation that most ppl handle differently than you), that is usually a big hint that its YOUR reaction, and not the situation itself that is driving things. At that point, just imagine giving advice to someone else about the situation. Then take that advice yourself. You'll get it right most of the time, I think.

Was that too vague & confusing? Mbe someone who get it can rephrase more clearly.

[bethfromEngland]

do you mean its my fault and its my reaction that has caused this to happen ? well im sorry but i dont think i am completely to blame.The fact is he shouldnt have given me his number in the first place i dont think,coz he will have either thought or knew he was gonna be too busy,or he knew he wasnt gonna be that bothered anyway.It seems to be like he only wanted me as a ' text friend',which is probably why sometimes he only sent texts saying how are you and saying how he was,and not mentioning meeting up.To me,that is using someone.What kind of ' friend' or anythimg/anyone else would only text you and not want to meet you in person ?.I would apologise to anyone if i thought i had upset them,friend or not.Maybe im just too kind and decent ?.Makes you woner why people like me bother

I am getting sick of him now anyway to be honest,and ive been getting intouch with old friends i havent seen for a long time,since i dont have any new ones just yet.I'm hoping to meet up with them and then i should start to forget about it

[IndiReloaded]

do you mean its my fault and its my reaction that has caused this to happen ? well im sorry but i dont think i am completely to blame.

I don't think of these things in terms of fault or blame, FYI. But yes, how you react to any situation is entirely your responsibility. His motives are irrelevant simply b/c you have no control over them.

[bethfromEngland]

To be honest,even if he did contact me again,or said sorry,not likely,i wouldnt contact him anyway.i would have if he had contacted me on tuesday but im geting that way now where i dont want to speak to him anyway.

yeah your right,i cant control how he behaves,but,i do wonder that if i had done anything differently,would it have made a diference ?

i think the thing he did wrong the most,was texting me the saturday before last saying he hadnt fallen out with me.That was the main thing that got me angry,that he said that but still didnt want to meet and went back to ignoring.If he wasnt bothered about me he shouldnt have said that.He could have ignored it like he is now,and then what happened since wouldnt have happened

[IndiReloaded]

This is like the second time I've posted this link recently:

[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Attraction[/url]

Beth, you might find value in reading this. FYI, I'm not the woo-woo sort, at all, but I do believe our thoughts directly affect our lives. Read it, then post something that is going good in your life. You seem like a nice gal, we'd probably enjoy reading it.

[squirrley]

Its pretty clear he's not interested. He was being polite at the end of the night. Did you honestly want to hear "yea youre nice and all but this isnt for me?" Honesty is the best policy but most men when confronted in situations like this will bow out GRACEFULLY.

It doesnt help to blame or feel if you did something different things MIGHT be different. YOU behaved like you always do, yourself, to be anything different would be a lie to reel him in. Theres nothing you couldve done differently.

This guy no matter how much you think you had in common with him, just isnt into you. Doesnt mean its you, but obviously there wasnt enough chemistry for him to pursue it. At least youre going to move on!

[Promiscuousboy]

Not to be an ass,

But this poll might be one reason for why he didn't want to get back together? Think about it.

However, he said he would see you again, guys do that, and then they don't show. Usually we use I'll call you though.

And you should not corner him like that, it only makes things difficult for him. And you can't expect someone to say "I don't want to see you again" that's just inhuman.