Profile Review

[Jas_mine]

Am objecting myself to abuse here but I personally preferred the first draft - it was way more original and depicted your sense of humour - the second version is so blah, it's bland, there's nothing striking there - isn't that like any other profile? Think most peeps focus too hard on trying to come across as normal that they lose the unique factor in the process.

Orthodox, true does have religious connotations but for the most part we use the word to convey what is traditional or conventional so your use of unorthodox seems absolutely fine to me.

"Please don't worry about the fact that I live in Carlisle, I won't expect you to wear a sheitel!" - quite funny, although you should add something along the lines of 'however it's perfectly okay if you do'.

The aspects I find worrying are that you like doing things your 'own way' and that you have 'somewhat strange' friends. The former suggests somebody unwilling to compromise or bend, somebody who is not flexible, whilst the latter just portrays you as plain weird! You are to an extent defined by the friends you keep. Also, possibly less emphasis on the whole moving away/travelling thing - yes, it shows that you are fun, exciting and adventurous but am uncertain as to how well it would bode on a dating site, girls looking for a relationship would be repelled by the instability, they want to date somebody who is going to be around, not somebody jetting off all over the world.

But hey - it is just my opinion, that's all!

[vashti]

It's true the second version makes you appear more "normal", however I have to think that women are LOOKING for "normal" when they use this sort of format when trying to form a relationship. I could be wrong...

[sookie6]

Valid point Jasmine.

However, I find that the second draft gives a positive and reassuring image of the OP...it also gives the impression that he's driven and well-travelled...

This profile is his selling point. Just like a 'house' you are putting on sale (forgive the metaphor) you need to appeal to the largest number.

To do that you need to present a somewhat neutral but positive image.

Once on the first date more complex personality traits will naturally show...

[Jas_mine]

It's true that they are seeking somebody relatively normal but that doesn't mean you have to blend in with the crowd.

"I'm funny, intelligent, loyal and honest" - it just comes across as a list of traits, and let's be honest, there must be a gadzillion other people whom have used exactly the same words to describe their personality so what sets him aside from them? I mean you are hardly going to say 'I have no sense of humour, am completely stupid and utterly untrustworthy'. It's just standard and expected, and comes across as highly unimaginative and very fake. I think he needs to break away from the mould, not saying he should be way out there, just unique - having a sense of humour and a way with words is his best bet, something that distinguishes him and makes him memorable, and not just another forgettable profile .

[sookie6]

Jasmine has a point OP. Mayeb think of something a bit different that you do, you like...(but nothing that could come across as creepy in writing )

and add it up!!

Is there some unexpected endearing fact about yourself? Maybe ask these friends of yours!

[coachtrip]

Much better! If there is an option to include your picture, be sure you do it.

Thanks for that.

I will do.

[coachtrip]

Kaius,

Wake up! Nowadays a lot of people join dating websites for all kind of reasons. I bet the OP is too busy working to go out often enough.

Plus it's an extra venue where you can meet interesting people.

The view that people on these websites are only weirdoes and desperate souls is borderline stereotyping now...

OP your text is so much better now. I would just add:

As for family, although independent, I can't do without them'...

Thanks for your vote of confidence - I only do this because there aren't many Jewish women around here that are at the same level of observance. I could, if I wanted to, get an arranged marriage tomorrow, but I don't want that.

As for the family thing, I'm going to leave it as it is. The reason for this is that it seems to be one of those standard lines that you just have to put on a profile. Even if not 100% true, I believe it's easier to leave it on there.

[coachtrip]

Am objecting myself to abuse here but I personally preferred the first draft - it was way more original and depicted your sense of humour - the second version is so blah, it's bland, there's nothing striking there - isn't that like any other profile? Think most peeps focus too hard on trying to come across as normal that they lose the unique factor in the process.

Thanks for your comments. I personally prefer it, but it's what the women prefer.

"Please don't worry about the fact that I live in Carlisle, I won't expect you to wear a sheitel!" - quite funny, although you should add something along the lines of 'however it's perfectly okay if you do'.

Actually, you only wear one when you get married.

I've got no issue with someone who covers their hair in a religious setting, but someone who does it all the time is not for me.

I'm glad you liked it though.

The aspects I find worrying are that you like doing things your 'own way' and that you have 'somewhat strange' friends. The former suggests somebody unwilling to compromise or bend, somebody who is not flexible, whilst the latter just portrays you as plain weird! You are to an extent defined by the friends you keep.

The "doing things my own way" was meant purely as not doing what the 'sheep' do holiday.

I see what you mean about the friends thing.

Also, possibly less emphasis on the whole moving away/travelling thing - yes, it shows that you are fun, exciting and adventurous but am uncertain as to how well it would bode on a dating site, girls looking for a relationship would be repelled by the instability, they want to date somebody who is going to be around, not somebody jetting off all over the world.

That could be a selling point - if they want to come with!

But hey - it is just my opinion, that's all!

Even if not everyone agrees, I certainly value your opinion. Perhaps, I could look at the rejected bits, and try and work them in later.

[coachtrip]

Jasmine has a point OP. Mayeb think of something a bit different that you do, you like...(but nothing that could come across as creepy in writing )

and add it up!!

Is there some unexpected endearing fact about yourself? Maybe ask these friends of yours!

I'm known at work for having an excellent memory. This could come in useful in arguments.

Is this something worth mentioning?

I'll have a think about possibly re-wording the first line.