Engaged to one woman, casually meeting another woman w/ no specific intentions

[smackie9]

This is something you would have to talk to her about and not us. Some people are ok with an open type relationship (not open to sex with others, just having friends of the opposite sex), others no. So how you handle this is up to you. If she doesn't like it then you will have have to work with it from there.

[Chris0516]

So are you saying you're in a long distance relationship and most of your interaction takes place online or through other electronic means? When do you actually get to sit down with her and have a date, a discussion, a bonding with one another?

When I take a trip out there.

[Chris0516]

This is something you would have to talk to her about and not us. Some people are ok with an open type relationship (not open to sex with others, just having friends of the opposite sex), others no. So how you handle this is up to you. If she doesn't like it then you will have have to work with it from there.

I have been trying to talk to her. The reason I wanted your feedback, is because, even if it was negative feedback, it would still be something I could reflect upon, to help my thinking process in this situation. As for having an 'open' relationship, I could see it being that IF, we both were open to dating other people at the same time. But, not only am I not open to that, the other woman in question, is no where near being someone I might date. Anyway, I am not interested in dating the other woman, just being a casual acquaintance/friend.

[smackie9]

Dude read my post again....READ IT! Especially this part " (not open to sex with others, just having friends of the opposite sex)"

I meant you both are open to having close friends of the opposite sex. You have female friends and she can have her male friends.


Maybe if I wrote this out in crayon.......

[Wakeup]

When I take a trip out there.

Oye Vey

[IndiReloaded]

hahaha. Not even going to dignify this thread with a real response. Let me guess: airline pilot? That *is* the classic stereotype.

[Chris0516]

Dude read my post again....READ IT! Especially this part " (not open to sex with others, just having friends of the opposite sex)"

I meant you both are open to having close friends of the opposite sex. You have female friends and she can have her male friends.


Maybe if I wrote this out in crayon.......

I wouldn't define them as 'emotionally(or for that matter, physically) close'. I would have no problem if she had guy friends. But to me, having friends of the opposite sex, is not the definition of an 'open relationship'. It is that, while two people are a couple, they don't see themselves as mutually exclusive to each other. Also, That would include having sex with other people.

I saw my friend having to deal with that in her marriage, when her husband suddenly announced that he wanted their marriage to be 'open'. That is when my friend left her husband. Her friend(the woman I referred to in my initial post), is only someone I would see as a friend, nothing more.

[Chris0516]

hahaha. Not even going to dignify this thread with a real response. Let me guess: airline pilot? That *is* the classic stereotype.

Nope, I am no airline pilot.

[nytingale51]

Hi. Chris. I'm a new member here and I would like to have a say about your situation. If I were your fiancé, an open and honest communication is a must in our relationship. While you're engaged, why not practice to be open to her about anything or whatever that's been going on your mind. Since you said that you don't have any intentions or you just want to make friends with opposite sex; why not tell her about and prove to her that it’s nothing but just a simple friendship.

[smackie9]

OK so why are you making a big deal out of this in the first place? are you worried she will reject the idea? that you will be faced to choose between them? The thing is, this sort of thing should have been discussed at the beginning of your relationship, but now it's crunch time and you will be getting married, you are scrambling to work this. Take this as an opportunity to lay out expectations and boundaries with her. Not just on this matter but everything, before you say "I do".

[IndiReloaded]

Nope, I am no airline pilot.

LOL, of course you aren't. That's an insult to pilots (who are generally very intelligent).

[Chris0516]

Hi. Chris. I'm a new member here and I would like to have a say about your situation. If I were your fiancé, an open and honest communication is a must in our relationship. While you're engaged, why not practice to be open to her about anything or whatever that's been going on your mind. Since you said that you don't have any intentions or you just want to make friends with opposite sex; why not tell her about and prove to her that it’s nothing but just a simple friendship.

I totally agree about honest n' open communication. I already told her about one online friend, that I have known ten years. She knows nothing will happen with that woman, because I told her already. We already exchanged medical info. I already told her, that nothing would come about as a result of my online friend. Because, My online friend, and her friend both live in Canada, and it would be a logistical nightmare for me to become romantically involved with either Canadian woman.

[Chris0516]

OK so why are you making a big deal out of this in the first place? are you worried she will reject the idea? that you will be faced to choose between them? The thing is, this sort of thing should have been discussed at the beginning of your relationship, but now it's crunch time and you will be getting married, you are scrambling to work this. Take this as an opportunity to lay out expectations and boundaries with her. Not just on this matter but everything, before you say "I do".

The only reason I brought it up, is because I started second-guessing myself, not as to commitment to my fiance, but as to how it might look, despite no dishonorable intentions. No, I am not worried about whether she will reject the idea. I won't have to choose between them, because I am still committed to my fiance, and the other woman would be nothing more than a friend to me.

[Wakeup]

The only reason I brought it up, is because I started second-guessing myself, not as to commitment to my fiance, but as to how it might look, despite no dishonorable intentions. No, I am not worried about whether she will reject the idea. I won't have to choose between them, because I am still committed to my fiance, and the other woman would be nothing more than a friend to me.

Gee thats nice O.o

It's too bad you can't get a hold of your "fiancee" so that you could just ask her if it's cheating because she's the one you have to worry about caring or not caring. That way this never-ending thread of yours could die a more quicker death.