Ok, THIS time I want some advice...

[lahnnabell]

I don't think this is something you should ignore. Think about it... He knew you were gone and attempted to deliberately disrespect you and your marriage by touching your wife during that time. Nothing has happened since that time, but something tells me he's rather cunning in this regard. I'm sure he knows better than to attempt something again while you're around. Does he know of your anger management history?

I guarantee you that not addressing this in a calm fashion early on could result in you collecting deep-seated resentment toward this guy. Repress it and it'll only become a bigger monster. I think you should very calmly write out a detailed way to handle this, all the way down to your lines of conversation. And rehearse it. Stick to what you've written. Talk to a counselor before you execute this plan if you want. Get some feedback.

Unlike your wife I would have told that MF off myself in that moment. But that's because I don't shy away from confrontation. If this guy is as much of a creep as I think, he'll view her silence as permission to continue to pursue when the timing is right.

[MaidenMinx]

I hate underhanded subtle creeps like this guy. They leave you wondering. He's probably hoping that she'll relive the moment he stroked her cheek and want more. I also don't believe he wasn't aware you were away at first.

I agree with letting him know that it's not on. Make sure you tell him that your wife doesn't want him touching her as opposed to telling him you don't want him touching her. Make sure he knows how uncomfortable he made her. Knowing that you know and knowing that his advances are unwanted (made evident by your wife telling you about them) should make him back off.

[HeartIsAching]

Then I would ask her if she's scared of him, if she'll feel uncomfortable in her own home or walking around outside in a skirt or tank top, if she'll get nervous every time someone knocks on the door if she's home alone, etc. If she answers yes to any of those, then I think you should take it upon yourself (with her permission) to have a calm talk with him about it. Ideally, he will apologize, say he didn't mean anything by it, and then she can feel secure knowing that he knows he can't get away with that shit.

Yeah, that's an issue - it's hot here, and she likes to sit outside on the back porch in a skirt/shorts and a sports bra. It's pretty secluded, nobody can see easily and she's comfortable. Now she's uncomfortable with the idea if I'm not home.

[HeartIsAching]

I don't think this is something you should ignore. Think about it... He knew you were gone and attempted to deliberately disrespect you and your marriage by touching your wife during that time. Nothing has happened since that time, but something tells me he's rather cunning in this regard. I'm sure he knows better than to attempt something again while you're around. Does he know of your anger management history?

I guarantee you that not addressing this in a calm fashion early on could result in you collecting deep-seated resentment toward this guy. Repress it and it'll only become a bigger monster. I think you should very calmly write out a detailed way to handle this, all the way down to your lines of conversation. And rehearse it. Stick to what you've written. Talk to a counselor before you execute this plan if you want. Get some feedback.

Unlike your wife I would have told that MF off myself in that moment. But that's because I don't shy away from confrontation. If this guy is as much of a creep as I think, he'll view her silence as permission to continue to pursue when the timing is right.

I've had those very thoughts. Several times.

[lahnnabell]

I've had those very thoughts. Several times.

I figured as much. I know myself and I know that if I were in your wife's shoes, I would've been PISSED and I would have told him off in the most vicious way. If I feel like that, I can only imagine what sorts of feelings are arising in you.

I've dealt with creepers like this guy before too. One guy, who at first was a friend of mine, would regularly visit me after we met at my place of work. When he found out I was leaving that place, he asked if we could grab a drink as we hadn't seen each other in some time. At that point, I didn't see the harm in it. The guy ends up driving me to his apartment. When I saw that we'd pulled into his complex, the first thing out of my mouth was, "Oh wow, you are suck a f**king scumbag!" He laughed at my abrupt anger and excused his behavior by exclaiming, "Well, there are no bars open anymore!" Like he was totally innocent in this. And when he tried to kiss me I turned my head. He said, "Why won't you let me kiss you?" I responded, "Because I don't want you to!"

Typically he was a really nice guy, but he turned into a creep. I always had the idea that he was very attracted to me, but he never made any moves and was very passive for a long time. The moment I gave him an inch, he took a mile. I haven't talked to him since.

[misombra]

your wife should not being strutting around this guy dressed scantily. not that she deserves to be touched but realistically that's how women get taken for easy and sleezy.

[HeartIsAching]

I hate underhanded subtle creeps like this guy. They leave you wondering. He's probably hoping that she'll relive the moment he stroked her cheek and want more. I also don't believe he wasn't aware you were away at first.

I agree with letting him know that it's not on. Make sure you tell him that your wife doesn't want him touching her as opposed to telling him you don't want him touching her. Make sure he knows how uncomfortable he made her. Knowing that you know and knowing that his advances are unwanted (made evident by your wife telling you about them) should make him back off.

No, he knew I wasn't home.

[HeartIsAching]

your wife should not being strutting around this guy dressed scantily. not that she deserves to be touched but realistically that's how women get taken for easy and sleezy.

What in the hell are you talking about? She doesn't "strut around" ever. She doesn't even like men looking at her, it makes her uncomfortable.

[misombra]

Well then she shouldn't go outside in her bra.

[MerryH]

If Jeff accidentally saw her wearing a sports bra, sitting on her own secluded back porch and he decided that it would be acceptable to put his creepy hand on her face, then that's his problem to fix, not hers. He's the one doing something wrong, not her.

Her clothing is not the issue.

[HeartIsAching]

Well then she shouldn't go outside in her bra.

1. It's a sports bra... basically a stretchy short tank top. More gets exposed at the beach.

2. She's outside on our porch, which is basically not easily visible from anywhere.

3. She wasn't outside when this happened, no matter what she was wearing, she was inside the house with the door closed.

4. Blaming the woman for a man's bad behavior was retarded in 1950.

[HeartIsAching]

I talked it over with my wife again last night, and she read over this thread... We've decided that the best course of action is for me to have a talk with Jeff in the near future, let him know that I'm aware of what he did, that it is not ok with my wife, and she'd like him to not touch her.

Funny thing is, I'm not a jealous/possessive guy, I'm not mad at him for wanting to touch my wife - hell, I understand it, my wife's beautiful. I just don't like her feeling uncomfortable, especially in her own house.

[misombra]

It'll probably be more awkward and uncomfortable for her if you confront him. If I were her I would say something if he tried it again. "Please don't touch me like that. It makes me uncomfortable."

[lahnnabell]

It'll probably be more awkward and uncomfortable for her if you confront him. If I were her I would say something if he tried it again. "Please don't touch me like that. It makes me uncomfortable."

I agree with misombra, but I was betting my chips that your wife wasn't going to want to confront him about the issue. Ideally, this whole issue would be best if resolved by her. It'll also help her gain some confidence in this regard. And let her know you'll back her up.

[HeartIsAching]

I agree with misombra, but I was betting my chips that your wife wasn't going to want to confront him about the issue. Ideally, this whole issue would be best if resolved by her. It'll also help her gain some confidence in this regard. And let her know you'll back her up.

You're exactly right. She'd rather not have to confront him. I'll keep it non-specific and non-confrontational. Something on the order of "My wife told me what happened, and it made her uncomfortable. She'd rather you didn't do that again."

To which he'll almost certainly say something like "I didn't mean it like that, sorry about that." which of course isn't true but gives him an out.

And if that means that we won't be quite so friendly with the next door neighbors anymore, so be it. I'd rather he be a bit more circumspect about my wife anyhow.