How To Deepen Relationship.

[Mastadon05]

According to your profile on here, this is your DOB: May 31, 1993 (age 20). That's one year older than I am, and I thought you were young... Oh jeez...

Anyway, I don't think that you're straight forward. I think that you're afraid of in-person confrontation. I believe this because I have a similar trait. Bottom line, you feel like the only way you can escape the fact that you're lonely is to delve into an online world. That's clearly evident through the way that you've spent so much time trying to make this work with this girl. But what you're missing when you do this is the fact that not all girls "hate" you. Yes, I put the word hate into quotes because I don't feel like they actually hate you. From what you describe, it's just that they don't really interact with you. To hate someone is to go out of your way to make them feel hurt and really show them they entirely despise your very existence...whether by telling you directly they wish you were dead or another way.

As for your "friends" (again, notice the quotation marks), you attracted people like that because you allowed yourself to be taken advantage of. I'm more than certain you can make friends with similar interests if you put yourself out there and just keep trying. Remember that every person is different, and by that they all have different likes and dislikes. Do you think every person in your town hates online gaming? I highly doubt that. All you need to do is keep trying to make friends and talk to people in real life, and if you run into someone who does not share your mutual interests, keep going. Just because one person doesn't share similar interests with you doesn't mean another person doesn't. And look for the signs of those who will take advantage of you the way your "friends" did so you can weed out the people who will only hurt you.

(Wow, I sound like my psychologist... O.O Anyway...)

Now, to tackle your "relationship", I hate to say it, but it very well sounds like you are being naive, no offense. Look at the facts. You're halfway around the world from her, and you have never met her in person. All you do is IM, so you're not even sure if she truly exists. It could be a great ruse. How would you feel then? You don't even know if she returns your feelings. Maybe she doesn't want a long distance boyfriend. I know I wouldn't.

And what you're feeling seems, to me, more like infatuation. Yes, I agree that it is possible to fall in love during long distance. BUT it is incredibly rare that it works out and very rare that it happens. That being said, your willingness to entirely devote yourself to putting her on a pedestal without considering your feelings tells me that you're setting yourself up to be a doormat just the way you did with your "friends." I've been through that way too many times, so I know exactly how that feels. You need to remember that a relationship is give and take- equal effort. When you put someone on a pedestal, it either sets you up for being taken advantage of or it leads the other to feel uncomfortable.

You clearly understand what it means to deeply care for someone, but your entire post seems more like you're telling me you want to be her doormat instead of her lover. I say this because, while love is all about giving, love between two people is meant to be mutually shared...never one person taking without giving at least as much. Love is returned as well as given when it is shared between two people. If you're falling in love at all, it sounds like it's with the idea of someone sharing a similar interest as you, not actually falling in love. This is, no doubt, backed up by the fact that you really haven't talked with her in depth to the point where you completely understand her entirely and she understands you entirely... Bottom line; I don't think it's the best idea for you to go chasing this. It won't be good for your social health, as well as good for your heart. Long distance relationships, though glamorized countless times by romantic movies, have a lot of strain on them because of the time the two are apart. This can lead to jealousy and insecurity as well as fighting and hurt feelings. I know this because I've been in a few long distance relationships, and none of them were pretty. They all ended with breakups and disgusted feelings. Not to mention, if you are falling in love with the idea of her like I strongly believe, meeting up in person can lead to many hurt feelings if she doesn't live up to your expectations of what you felt she would be like...

I can go on and on and on until my keyboard literally falls apart under my fingers, if you'd like, telling you all the reasons why you shouldn't do this. But it sounds like you won't even listen.
Wait till you've had some more experience or until you're a bit older; maybe then you'll understand a little more.

Some of the answers you gave are true, but to say that is an Infatuation, I would deny it since I don't really think that I feel like that. I would hate to be a dormant. Well, if you mind,tell me more so I can know more.

[pcmaster]

Man all the love and care you feel for this girl. The value and importance and respect you give to her.

Once you are able to have these feelings for... for yourself( instead of person milion miles away you never met) Your life is going to change.

People who repsects themself dont do long distance. They know they deserve more they deserve real present people just like they are.

In the end what you feel for yourself is what other people will feel for you.

[HeartIsAching]

Some of the answers you gave are true, but to say that is an Infatuation, I would deny it since I don't really think that I feel like that. I would hate to be a dormant. Well, if you mind,tell me more so I can know more.

I hate to break it to you bud, but it's the very definition of infatuation. You can't love someone until you know them intimately. You can't know them intimately until you've spent time with them. You've got some ideas and beliefs about this girl, but you know nothing about her for certain, and you don't really know her at all... hence, infatuation.

[Rowen]

Some of the answers you gave are true, but to say that is an Infatuation, I would deny it since I don't really think that I feel like that. I would hate to be a dormant. Well, if you mind,tell me more so I can know more.

Some? How about all?

Let's be honest; you're afraid to talk to girls in person. That's why you dreamed up this online fantasy. Are you sure that she loves you? Have you asked her? My guess is that she either doesn't or she thinks she does like you do and obviously does not understand love.

I've been in your shoes before, kiddo. I speak from experience when I tell you all this. I can tell you that a number of times it felt like I was head over heels for a guy and was willing to do absolutely anything for him....to the point where I disregarded myself entirely just the way you are. And all it got me was a broken heart when I found out the guy didn't feel the same way. Not to mention, I found that once I was healed, I found something much, much deeper. And by placing her on a pedestal, you're missing the forest behind the tree by disregarding the fact you're already making yourself into a doormat.

You don't even know her in person. What if you finally meet her after so long and she turns out to be rude and downright nasty in person? What would you feel like then? A fool.
Talking in person is not the same as talking over IM. Sure, you can share stories. But you can't see the emotion of someone's face. You can't feel the touch of their hand and understand that touch. A billion conversations online over two years don't even equal half of a two week relationship in person.

What is the worst memory she has from childhood? Why does it affect her the way it does?

What is the texture of her hands? Are they soft and frail? Or are they knowing and firm?

How do you feel when you kiss her lips or her hand? Is it a calming sensation which lets you know that everything is alright with the world, or does it leave you breathless?

What is the one thing more than anything that she loves to do- something she's never told anyone?

I include these questions as a point of demonstrating to you that you do not understand her. You haven't had a connection that is more than words due to the fact you haven't spent any time with her in person. And without understanding the person and feeling them emotionally the way you feel within yourself, a love in your heart does not exist. Instead, it is only infatuation. And if you don't believe me, I dare you to ask a few of those questions to any married person on this forum. I'm sure that you'll be surprised by the results if you do.

I'm going to guess that you've never truly had a girlfriend before based on what you've already written on here, so what do you really have to compare this to? Nothing. You haven't experienced what a relationship needs and what it feels like to be in one. I'm not trying to be mean, but you need to realize this is not love and will only lead to hurt.