What are you looking for in a partner?

[BillyGalbreath]

No. ok... I am not trying to start a fight or anything with this - but just to prove my point more...

No one truely knows what they want. You only know what you DONT want.

It is how the human race lives. How the hell do you know what you want if you've never had it before ? And trust me, none of us have or we would still have it...

Think about when we were babies - seriously for a minute - you didn't know what you wanted then. hell, you didnt even know what you didnt want. Then all of a sudden your stomach would start to hurt - so you would cry - then your parent(s) would give you a bottle and you would eat. Then the pain stopped - eventually after about a year of the stomach pain you begin to realize that you dont want that pain - so you learn to take the bottle as much as you can. Then eventually you learn that food does the same thing - it keeps the pain away... As you get older you know that if you dont eat you will be hungry (the stomach pain) so you eat.

Now lets go a bit further a year or two - you see something that you have never seen before - it puts off this bright light (and yes humans for some odd reason are attracted to bright lights) so you stick out your hand to grab it to take a closer look at it. It burns the **** out of your hand and you drop it. It was a lit cigarrette - now you know what it looks like and you know that it will burn you if you touch it. It might take you a few burns to figure it out (some ppl are slower than others) but eventually you will see one and you will know that it will burn - you know that you dont want to get burned, so you stay away... ...

Flash forward again...

You are a teen - your older, wiser, and smarter -- over the years you have learned to think on your own and learned to listen to others advice from their experience of the pains - example - drugs. ppl tell you about all the pains that drugs will bring into your life - so most of the time you will stay away - then you start to hear from other ppl that drugs make them 'happier' or that its 'cool' - so then you start to think about it. You dont know if you want it or not. Some ppl will try it, some ppl wont - it always depends on the person what they ultimately do.

Now lets go for something else that you dont know of as a teen. Lets say your 16 and never had sex. You hear about all the wonderful pleasures that sex brings. You hear about all these ppl that are having sex and how much they love it. then from others you hear how bad sex is. and how you shouldnt do it because you are too young. etc etc.. sex bring babies... sex brings deseases... all that good crap. You then have a choice. You either do it, or you dont. You may think you want it. But how do you know if you want it for real ? You never had it before. You might end up hating sex for all you know - but you do know that you DONT WANT to be a virgin - or you DONT WANT to not know what its like - or you DONT WANT to be the 'uncool' person... whatever... All the dicisions we make in life are based on what we DONT WANT.

now - lets go a bit farther - you are now at the present day (whatever your age is) -- you have had a few relationships - you are single now - things never did work out with any of the relationships because of one thing or another... You learned from them. You are smarter and wiser because of everything you have ever experienced. You now know what you DONT WANT in a relationship. Even if you were madly in love with him/her and he/she left you - you still learned what you DONT WANT from that relationship... you now know the little signs to look for, you know the little things that no one else may know - this doesnt mean that you know what you want from that relationship. You may think you do... But if you seriously think about it - you dont know what you want - you only know what you dont want...

Seriously - sit back and really think about what I am saying.

Now - let take what you think you DO WANT and lets see what we get. You want a guy/girl that is pretty - you want someone that is outgoing - you want someone who is kind a gentle and very nice. you want someone who can make you laugh - whatever it may be - get a list going if you have to - seriously make yourself a list right now and lets see what you come up with...

Do it - make the list. Or you scared I am right ? Come on - prove me wrong - make the damn list !

Now lets go down your list you made one thing at a time...

you want someone who is pretty/handsome - ok, this seems like a reasonable thing to want, right ? How do you know you want it ? What makes you want to be with a pretty/handsome person ? Because you DONT WANT to be with someone who is butt ass ugly - thats why. Now lets line up 100 ppl and you pick out the pretty/handsome ones --- good - now look, there are only a few that you picked, maybe about 30 or 40 ppl you think are pretty/handsome... Now lets put those ppl back in line and look at what you DONT WANT... The ugly ass ppl --- very good - how many did you choose ? did you choose 60 or 70 ugly ass ppl ? NOPE. you picked out may 20 ugly ass ppl. What does that leave you ??? YOU NOW HAVE 80 PPL YOU ARE WILLING TO DATE !!!!!

Now when you go to the next item on your list do you want 40 ppl to have to choose from ? or do you want 80 ?

If you look at things my way and pick out the things you DONT WANT then the chances you end up with ppl left standing in line not having things you dont want are higher. Your playing field has just opened up alot wider. And now you can date these ppl that are left

And guess what else ???? Your now open to NEW things that you havent experienced yet. You may find more things you DONT WANT and that is something you can use for the next search. Maybe you wont find anything wrong with the person your with.

Everyone lives life this way - they just dont realize it - But as soon as you realize how the human nature works - the sooner you can use it to your advantage.

Now what do you think ??? Am I still crazy ?

[squirrley]

No Im NOt arguing with you man! I was just wondering how that worked for you. Everyone does there own thing there own way. See if I see something I like I buy it or go for it. I dont look at life thorugh the donts...I learn through experiences like everyone else...got fed the same way-got burned the same way...but I look for positive things in my life and in my surroundings. But I understand your analogy.

In the recent "dating" Ive done or there lack of-I knew within minutes if that person was someone I would be interested in getting to know better-but I didnt use your way of thinking...its the first initial impression and our first conversation that hooks me or loses me. I go with the flow...

But I do get what youre saying...I just do the exact opposite is all! Find the positive attributes the pyshical and mental connections and so forth...the positive things. But its all in what a person wants! I do know what I want-Ive mentioned so many things already...and I mentioned what I dont want...but its easier to go the positive way of thinking for me-that and I keep my mind open to new things along the way-if something comes along down the road AFTER weve dated a few times that I see I dont like-well I cross the road when I get there...and I have dumped a guy within a few weeks of dating of him-found out how crazy the SOB was...SEEYA! It was something I knew I didnt want and that was something that wouldnt change. I didnt feel it was right to make him change-I just told him it wasnt going to work for me. I never told him it was him...and certainly didnt say it "oh its me not you" just told him I felt this wasnt going to work for either of us and we shouldnt date anymore.

I stayed in a relationship for years and there were so many things I didnt like...more donts than dos...hence- I KNOW what I dont want-and know what I DO! The world is like a buffet-and you can pick and choose what you want on your plate...if it looks nasty and gross dont put it on your plate...if its not appealing...dont put it on your plate...if it looks bland-you get the idea! And vice versa...if it looks so good you cant resist-TRY IT! I dont know Billy I think people have their own way of trying different items on the buffet and have their reasons why they pick what they do-or dont. Were all in the same line here...just have different ways of deciding whats right for us!

[BillyGalbreath]

...I dont look at life thorugh the donts...I learn through experiences like everyone else...got fed the same way-got burned the same way...but I look for positive things in my life and in my surroundings...

Well then your one of those types of ppl that get burned more than others. Simple as that - it is a choice. Do I have to have my little speak about choice again ? About how anything and everything boils down to one thing. Choice.

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Hmm. If anyone wants to hold a conversation with me about any subject I talk about on here please feel free to PM me on one of my messengers.

I love to share how I feel and think and I love to hear others too.

I love how I can get a conversation down to its naked bareness and then I can show the person I am talking to what I see. And yes. I will admit sometimes I learn something new from others too - that why I like conversations like these. I used to have them all the time with friends. I even held a conversation like this for like 3 days with no sleep with a friend a few years back. hehehe.

I have the tendency to open ppls eyes to things they never seen before that was right in front of them. Not all the time do they walk away feeling and thinking the same way I do, but I did show them something new and they just feel differently about it. Here is a good analogy - you have a toy. I show you that it operates on batteries. Then you notice the lights that you never knew it had. Now. I never pointed out the lights. You found those on your own. Get it ?

Who knows. Ya'll might learn sumthin

[sfalexi]

No. ok... I am not trying to start a fight or anything with this - but just to prove my point more...

No one truely knows what they want. You only know what you DONT want.

So then by process of elimination can't you know what you WANT? For instance, I know I don't want a male. So therefore I want a female, correct? I don't want to be cheated on. So therefore I want someone who's "loyal" correct? Just apply the rule of opposites.

It is how the human race lives. How the hell do you know what you want if you've never had it before ?

This is a little different. I agree with this. For instance, how would I know that I don't want onions on my burger if I've never tried a burger WITH onions before? (or to make it more relevant to the thread and 'loveforum',) how would I know that I want a girl taller than me if I've never HAD a girl taller than me?

Well, the answer to that would be similar to the old phrase, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." You're right. Maybe I DON'T know what a burger with onions tastes like. But I know that I DO like a burger without onions. So why bother trying it out if I can just keep my eyes open for a burger WITHOUT onions and make SURE that I like it?

As to what you're saying with the "pretty/handsome" and "dateable" situation, you're applying the "don't want" rule to a lot of gray areas that often use subjective terms. Sure, a gray area is just that. You're not CLEAR on where the line is. For instance, a gray area for me would be height. I don't want someone TOO tall, but I can't say that I want someone "short". Because maybe I'd settle for someone medium. When I consider women I try to look at the 'black/white' stuff. Cause that is the EASIEST to sort in my mind and the easiest to figure out. THEN you move on to gray areas and that's where the principle of dating comes in. To see if you can live in that gray area or not.

Alexi

[BillyGalbreath]

alexi - you hit the nail on the head. Perfect. Thats what I been trying to say. I am just bad with words.

[sfalexi]

np man. U R Welcome . . . typn like a 14 yr old annoys da shit outta me. n its hard 2 do 2.

[whitedragon20na]

I can get into this one because Melissa (my girlfriend) is EXACTLY what I want. She is a lot like me but not too much so that we already know everything about one another. We have our differences and that's a good thing. She makes me feel like a whole different person and makes me feel better than I ever have. She inspires me to do better and make myself a better person, she's on my mind all the time and everything I see in her is good, we've never fought with one another and that could be a good or bad thing, depends on why. I would do anything for her and vice versa, we help each other through the day and motivate each other to do what needs to be done for the day. We get along so well, we connected from the begining and it hasn't changed since. We both want the same out of life and that makes everything easier with one another. We can talk about ANYTHING ANYTIME and get into the conversation. We laugh all the time and are generally happy with one another ALL THE TIME. It's just her "auora" and the way she presents herself and the way she is in general, and that makes her what I'm looking for, or I should say what I've found.