Do you find your partner attractive?

[ofthemcleods]

Hmmmm...the thing that I am unsure of is whether it is just a girl thing or whether it is just her thing or whether it is a sign that we shouldn't be together. Don't have a very solid sense of self esteem/looks in anycase - think that it doesn't help.

What do the girls here think that I should do? Feel free to PM me.

[misombra]

maybe you could work out or something. shave, bathing is always good. dress up like you're not color blind....

she thinks you're ugly. and that you stink.

[Miss hotty]

I have been talking to my girlfriend of 5 years who has said that whilst she loves me and does not find me "unattractive" she does not find me attractive.

Do you think that this is a problem? What should I do? Do most women feel that way about their partners? Anyone been in a successful long term relationship where this has been the case?

No it's not i felt like that with my last BF but he had other things to make up for it thats why i loved him

[hal24]

your girlfriend is a bitch. dump her. i apologize if that is offensive to you but you deserve better. what i would do is mention that comment she made in front of your family with her there. she deserves to look like a jerk for being one. it's immature sure but some people need a taste of their own medicine.

[hal24]

i'm surprised anyone would recommend anything short of dumping her. imagine a guy saying this to a woman. it's just heartless. i would let everyone know she said that.

[vashti]

Post a picture and we'll tell you if she is being a bitch or just being honest.

[TheKissPolice]

I have been talking to my girlfriend of 5 years who has said that whilst she loves me and does not find me "unattractive" she does not find me attractive.

Do you think that this is a problem? What should I do? Do most women feel that way about their partners? Anyone been in a successful long term relationship where this has been the case?

if my girl says this to me i will feel ****ing castrated and not have sex with her for at least a week until i figure out what to do,seriously man this is something serious,do not take it lightly.work out and be as groomed as you can be and see if she will react.

[misombra]

dang no need to freak out or anything. that happens after you've been together for a while. people get comfortable and don't try to look as cute as they did before. it's no big freakin deal. if you're worried about it then work out and stuff. ask neo about what to do, he'll help you.

[Ath]

Attraction needs to be there.. but I learned from hard experience that looks aren't everything.. Sometimes they're nasty on the inside as well. I'd be offended if the SO told me that. There are no perfect women, but I'd try to find one a little closer to it.

[Rainbow_birko]

Now i used to go on the value that personality and humour etc out weighs looks! But 'J' has always said, yeh you can fall for someone because of those things, but there has to be a spark, chemistry, ATTRACTION, Someone could be not would others would say good looking, but the guy/gal thats get with them is attracted to them as a whole! I think you need to speak to her to be honest, ask her exactly what she meant by her comment, tell her you still find her attractive, in everyway physically and mentally! I've been with my guy for 3years and I still find him very attractive, I know my parents have ben married for 27years and they still both find eachother attractive, its got nothing to do with lust or honeymoon period, you are attracted because you love them, surely loving someone goes hand in hand with attraction! How is your sex life if you don't mind me asking! Surely to have good sex she has to find you attractive?x

[vashti]

Wow, you guys must be blissfully unaware that many marriages around the world are arranged, and therefore people are not necessarily "attracted" to their partners. The "need' to find your partner attractive is a cultural construct.

[bohemiandonut]

Wow, you guys must be blissfully unaware that many marriages around the world are arranged, and therefore people are not necessarily "attracted" to their partners. The "need' to find your partner attractive is a cultural construct.

I highly doubt that anyone here is "blissfully unaware" of that fact. A single viewing of any Disney movie would do it.

The problem is that these cultures pretend to be "blissfully unaware" of the secret motives and agendas of the poor souls locked into these shitty, shallow relationships.

[vashti]

Actually, I know two Indian couples that had arranged marriages, and both are happy and stable. I also knew an old Greek woman who had an arranged marriage that was bad. Arranged marriages are no more likely to be shitty and shallow than the type those that include partners that are based on mutual attraction, and perhaps are even less shallow since they are based on something more substantial than transitory feelings.

[Mathias]

Yeah, but "not attractive"? That's hurtful. That's bad.

Listen to Giga. She knows stuff.

Seriously, OP, this is VERY bad. Not that she's not attracted to you, but saying that, she KNOWS that's hurtful.

Even after 5 years, that may be grounds (if it were me) to break up with her on the spot. There's no reason for that.

[clynn]

It wasn't a very nice thing for her to say.

But Miso has a point --- if you can look at yourself and know that you keep yourself up well, you try to stay reasonably fit, and not wear your old sweats with the whole in the crotch around the house (for example) .... but maybe if you've let things slide, then pick it up a bit.