Telling him about an abortion?

[melancholia]

I only agree is she plans to keep it. I disagree if she goes ahead with termination. Why would he need to know at that point? It's her choice, they aren't in a relationship or have any plans to be together, so why would he need to know that information? He could react in a multitude of ways that could potentially make the decision to abort even more traumatic than it is. Unfortunately, men do not have a say in whether a woman takes a pregnancy to term. They just don't. Whether you think it's unfair or not is you opinion but it doesn't change the fact.

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, I think that's why this isn't such a cut and dry decision for me. It's why my own opinion is sort of tentative on this one. Because, if her decision winds up being NOT to keep the child, then there isn't really any reason he NEEDS to know. I personally think that maybe be something he'd want to know, I think it is maybe something he should.... but it's not something he needs to know.

Furthermore, I can definitely understand her reasons/thought process behind not wanting to tell him if that is the route on which she decides. If he disagrees with the decision, he could try to compel her to a decision with which she is not comfortable. Or, he could try to reconcile when she no longer wants anything to do with him. Or he could be abusive and hurtful and make her feel bad in a situation that is already hard enough without somebody trying to make her feel like she doesn't deserve to make her own decision based on her own feelings and beliefs.

I think, if it were me, though, it just feels like the right thing to do. You can't control how somebody else is going to react, so better just to do what feels right to you, and hopefully it goes well, but if not at least you know you did the right thing. ....And again, there is no one right or wrong thing here, so maybe for her the right thing will feel like not telling him.

[Hooo!]

i understand the reasoning process too.
Its possibly a bad discussion and what good will it do.

Thats like should you tell a person he is terminably ill and will die within the next two weeks?
what good will that do?
Should you tell your husband YOU are terminably ill and will die within the next two weeks? Why create that sorrow.
Should you tell your husband you MAY be terminably ill and you have seen the doctor and are waiting for your resutls? Why do that?
But what if it is the other way around? Would you want to know?

You have shared something together and the information resulting and regarding that is something that should also be shared.
Should facebook tell you what data they have regarding you - or just keep it to themselves?
information is power and as such I can see why someone would like to keep it. Even if it is information that doesnt only belong/regard to themselves.