Is he into me? On line dating.

[smackie9]

btw, the guy is smart for asking all those question...it proves he is not looking for a super model, he is looking for someone who is mentally ready for a relationship....he knows all about baggage and what it does.

[DalM0m]

Dating sights tend to be focused on the outward things. . . they are kind of like bars in your computer without the alcohol. Having met someone in or on a dating site, is just a start. It's good that you feel the spark & feel like you haven't lost the ability or desire to make a connection but one or two chats does not a lifetime commitment make. You can't give this guy that much power. Think about the positive things you discovered during your time together. Focus on those; there was something there. You were both flirty & you had whatever in common. If he reaches out again, great. If not, the world is not over & your dating life will go on.

You are 24. You just got out of a long term abusive relationship. Of course your self esteem is going to have taken a hit. Give yourself a bit more than 2 months to process all that went on there.

You seem like a nice person. You will make someone a great girlfriend & eventually a wife, if that's is what you want. It might not be the guy you met on line but that's OK. Take some time to open yourself up to safe new experiences.

[Lilia]

You are 24. You just got out of a long term abusive relationship. Of course your self esteem is going to have taken a hit. Give yourself a bit more than 2 months to process all that went on there.

Thank you for your good advice. The problem is that I can't wait longer than 2 months without a rebound relationship. The first time I broke up with my bf was 2 years ago. Since that I've been trying to break up with him like every 2 months and tried to move on completely. It never worked. We reunited many times. It's been 2 months again and it is going to end the same way eventually. I feel like I've lost control over my own decisions. If I don't get a rebound relationship soon I am going to fail again and call him or he might call me soon and it will be hard to resist answering the phone. And I don't want to be with him anymore( Because the relationship was damaging.

[Lilia]

You have only been broken up for 2 months and already you are looking for a replacement like "right now". It's no wonder you are feeling the way you do.....it's because you have not let yourself properly heal, especially from an abusive relationship. You are focusing way too much on finding a replacement when you should be focusing on getting your self esteem back. You are best to just socialize, hang out with friends and let things happen naturally......right now you are heading down co-dependency lane, where you will be making some bad choices because you are depending on a man to give you happiness when it should be you.

I don't have friends. I had 1 best friend but then we eventually stopped communicating after she got married. And then I was too depressed to contact her. And I was fired from my job 5 months ago. I live with my parents now. And then my dog broke his legs and I had to look after him for 2 months. Needless to say I am very depressed and I don't want to look for a job now cos I just broke up with my bf and I feel that the weight that I am carrying is too heavy to let me find strength to start my life from zero point again. I am not a strong person to do everything on my own.

[pcmaster]

Is seeng profesional or calling helpline is out of question? Do you seek emotional support at relatives or friends? Do you have support system?
Is there anyone you can talk about this?

This could help in your situation

[Valixy]

I don't have friends. I had 1 best friend but then we eventually stopped communicating after she got married. And then I was too depressed to contact her. And I was fired from my job 5 months ago. I live with my parents now. And then my dog broke his legs and I had to look after him for 2 months. Needless to say I am very depressed and I don't want to look for a job now cos I just broke up with my bf and I feel that the weight that I am carrying is too heavy to let me find strength to start my life from zero point again. I am not a strong person to do everything on my own.

Lilia, you are too vulnerable and hurt to start a new relationhip right now. You need healing and reorganizing your life. It is never easy and it always takes time but it's the best you can do for yourself. A love relationship should never save you from your pains and sorrows or it has many chances to not work well and break you even more than you were before. You have to become strong first or things won't work. A man would perceive your state of mind and the many troubles you're facing and would most probably keep a distance, or in the worst case take advantage of you. Be careful, give yourself time, rediscover yourself and build a new happier life little by little, and when you're pretty happy and stable with your life venture yourself again in the dating world. I hope your dog will recover completely soon and so will you. The last one is entirely up to you and you owe it to yourself.

[smackie9]

I don't have friends. I had 1 best friend but then we eventually stopped communicating after she got married. And then I was too depressed to contact her. And I was fired from my job 5 months ago. I live with my parents now. And then my dog broke his legs and I had to look after him for 2 months. Needless to say I am very depressed and I don't want to look for a job now cos I just broke up with my bf and I feel that the weight that I am carrying is too heavy to let me find strength to start my life from zero point again. I am not a strong person to do everything on my own.

This is why you have no friends....being in an abusive relationship restricted you from having them. And now that you have shown us where you are at with your life, sorry to say but no one is going to date someone who is depressed, no social life and is unemployed....at this time you don't have the readiness to have a good and healthy relationship.

First thing you need to do is start exercising. Go out for walks, increase your time and your speed each day by a little bit. Keep a regular routine of getting up, exercising, read a self help book, find something productive to do around the house like organizing a closet or do some painting. Keeping busy with small projects will make you feel accomplishment. Going out for walks with increase blood flow and make you feel better mentally. If possible seek out some counseling, because you may not thing you need help, you will be surprise once you go over what happened to you in that relationship, you will start to release all these bad feelings.

[Wakeup]

Thank you for your good advice. The problem is that I can't wait longer than 2 months without a rebound relationship. The first time I broke up with my bf was 2 years ago. Since that I've been trying to break up with him like every 2 months and tried to move on completely. It never worked. We reunited many times. It's been 2 months again and it is going to end the same way eventually. I feel like I've lost control over my own decisions. If I don't get a rebound relationship soon I am going to fail again and call him or he might call me soon and it will be hard to resist answering the phone. And I don't want to be with him anymore( Because the relationship was damaging.

If you got professional help for your fear of being alone, you'd know enough to look after your lack of love of self before you tried loving anyone else.

I base what I say on the premis that this story is real and you're not trolling for post count and the fun of it (for you). You sound like you're making up your psychosis as the thread goes along. It's hard to believe that someone would be so afraid to be without a boyfriend that they'd consider returning to someone that treats them so badly.

This new guy you were talking to obviously sussed out your low self worth, your insecurity, your neediness and the fact that you'd not make a very good relatinship partner at this time in your life and, he has enough love of his own to dismiss himself from taking anything further with you.

Work on yourself and get the help you need so that this rejection doesn't keep happening to you from guys that are actually worth having. Any turd (like the abusive one you just left) will be easy for you to put your hooks in... the dilemma there is that you certainly don't want another abuser in your life which will likely happen if you don't work on yourself first so you know who is and who isn't good for you.

*

My standards are quite high.

Uhm, no, no they are not. If they were, you'd have left the abusive ass who keeps hoovering you back and who you keep hoovering back into your life. You have NO standards. Any schmuck will do. Hence why you're so desperate for someone. Sheeesh.

[Lilia]

pcmaster,
thank you very much. I know this guy! Have watched some of his vids on you tube some time ago...
I don't have any support of the relatives or friends. I've never told them about the relationship issues that I've had with my bf. I couldn't tell them about it simply cos I was embarrassed to tell them how bad it had gotten... I would see a therapist. I've seen a few last year. Didn't seem to help. And it is hard for me to be open with them..

[Lilia]

This is why you have no friends....being in an abusive relationship restricted you from having them. And now that you have shown us where you are at with your life, sorry to say but no one is going to date someone who is depressed, no social life and is unemployed....at this time you don't have the readiness to have a good and healthy relationship.

Right, no one is going to date me now... But friends with benefits kind of relationship is possible! I am not going to tell a guy all of my problems. I only don't want to be alone by myself completely... I've been exercising every day for the last 4 months but it doesn't make me feel any better... I only do it cos I don't want to be like a vegetable and to sit still all day...

[smackie9]

fwb? you are emotionally vulnerable.....what happens when you fall for this person and they reject you? You are not fooling anyone here.

[Lilia]

Lilia, you are too vulnerable and hurt to start a new relationhip right now. You need healing and reorganizing your life. It is never easy and it always takes time but it's the best you can do for yourself. A love relationship should never save you from your pains and sorrows or it has many chances to not work well and break you even more than you were before. You have to become strong first or things won't work. A man would perceive your state of mind and the many troubles you're facing and would most probably keep a distance, or in the worst case take advantage of you. Be careful, give yourself time, rediscover yourself and build a new happier life little by little, and when you're pretty happy and stable with your life venture yourself again in the dating world. I hope your dog will recover completely soon and so will you. The last one is entirely up to you and you owe it to yourself.

Thank you. I agree with everything you are saying here... My problem is I haven't been happy since my teenage hood. There is nothing to rediscover... there is no old happy side of me that I could find. When I started dating my bf I already had a negative baggage of bad experiences that I had faced before meeting him in my life. So yes I am vulnerable and unbalanced and someone will have to accept me with these feelings that I carry with me. And I won't put it on the guy;s shoulders. Yes, I have to walk a long way to recover but I need someone by my site.

[Lilia]

fwb? you are emotionally vulnerable.....what happens when you fall for this person and they reject you? You are not fooling anyone here.

But then may be I will be happy for 1 day before the person rejects me. Otherwise I end up not being happy at all! And there is always a chance of being rejected in any relationship.

[Wakeup]

... SMH ...

It's just a waste of our time to try and reason with you.

[smackie9]

Ya I'm done.