Ex girlfriend back in touch after 4 months to say she has new man but has doubts?

[xxazurexx]

Sounds like she is keeping you around as the 'back up' and incase all falls through with this guy.

It could also be, that she is wanting you to try and change her mind for her and to fight for her. Sounds daft I know. But sometimes females like to know how much a man cares for her and if you spill your guts and tell her that you really want to be with her, you never lost your feelings, etc, etc.....you are letting her know you care and it may be enough and for her to ditch this guy and once she is secure in the knowledge that you really want her...

I could be wrong of course.

[Gavin]

Just reading this post... it has sooo many similarities with my own situation. My ex just got back in touch... less than two weeks after she confirmed her feelings for someone else and cancelled a meeting we had arranged a few days prior to meet and see where things took us! Less than two weeks on from her ignoring my calls.... she is back and now she is all sweet and nice again.

I think the trick with these situations is to be nice but firm at all times and always do what is best for you, no contact is good for you... move on for real and make yourself unavailable - people only miss something when it is gone and by staying in your ex's life as a friend she is having it all her own way! Cut all contact and don't go out saying it's because you have feelings... do it by text - say you have met someone new and that they do not approve of you being friends - the threat of losing you will make her think! Make her miss you!

[ch1066]

Sounds like she is keeping you around as the 'back up' and incase all falls through with this guy.

It could also be, that she is wanting you to try and change her mind for her and to fight for her. Sounds daft I know. But sometimes females like to know how much a man cares for her and if you spill your guts and tell her that you really want to be with her, you never lost your feelings, etc, etc.....you are letting her know you care and it may be enough and for her to ditch this guy and once she is secure in the knowledge that you really want her...

I could be wrong of course.

Thanks, I have been getting mixed signals in her texts (as in she seems up and down in her moods). She does like to to feel valued and wanted. So maybe?

[ch1066]

I think the trick with these situations is to be nice but firm at all times and always do what is best for you, no contact is good for you... move on for real and make yourself unavailable - people only miss something when it is gone and by staying in your ex's life as a friend she is having it all her own way! the threat of losing you will make her think! Make her miss you!

Thanks Gavin, I've moved on from the stage of 'excited hopes' (I think!) and have found NC from me is good, lets me clear my head and try put stuff in perspective. I havent texted for 3 days and she texted me 2nite saying 'all ok..will txt u tmrw xx'. I didnt reply (was tempted!) and will see if she does 2m.

[Gavin]

The problem is by her keeping in contact and in touch she is stopping you from moving on 100% yourself - prolonging it! Just keep ignoring her until she gets the message.... I really am now thinking about my own situation again - it's the weekend and it kills!

[ch1066]

The problem is by her keeping in contact and in touch she is stopping you from moving on 100% yourself - prolonging it! Just keep ignoring her until she gets the message.... I really am now thinking about my own situation again - it's the weekend and it kills!

I agree Gavin and since ive started to change my mindset and think differently I am feeling more in control of myself. Evryone can find time to text if they really want to! She maybe in a relationship and he may be around, but there are always times when she could send a text..if she wanted to and i was on her mind...so i agree with some earlier posts - the backup guy. I am financially more secure than her current partner who she's told me is being hammered for money by his ex wife and when we were together I did spoil hr all the time, designer clothes, holdiays. I think she's missing that bit of what 'she had'. With NC I am starting to things clearer now and not being blinded by my emotions!!

Keep yourself busy, meet up with other friends to keep you mind distracted!!

[Gavin]

Again similar to my own situation... my ex is wanting me there as the backup guy! I am out of that position now after our conversation the other day (see my recent post) I think xxazzurexx pointed out you were the backup guy (same as me) and again I am the financially better option and my ex is now missing that.

It can be nice to hear of similar situations and people going through the same thing... our ex's might realise soon that they made a mistake!

[ch1066]

It can be nice to hear of similar situations and people going through the same thing... our ex's might realise soon that they made a mistake!

Yes it is! Its actually better her not texting me because it just reinforces my thoughts and keeps me in control...and when they realise it, it will probably be too late. They may learn something from it!

[Gavin]

Yes it is! Its actually better her not texting me because it just reinforces my thoughts and keeps me in control...and when they realise it, it will probably be too late. They may learn something from it!

Spot on! You don't know what you have until its gone.

My first love and me split... I cut her out my life... the next spring I received love letters which I ignored (had moved on) and 10 years on she still talks to my friends here and there and asks about me all the time - I haven't seen her once and love hearing about it!

[ch1066]

[QUOTE=xxazurexx;622162]It could also be, that she is wanting you to try and change her mind for her and to fight for her. Sounds daft I know. But sometimes females like to know how much a man cares for her and if you spill your guts and tell her that you really want to be with her, you never lost your feelings, etc, etc.....you are letting her know you care and it may be enough and for her to ditch this guy and once she is secure in the knowledge that you really want her...QUOTE]

She still wants to meet for coffee as 'friends', I asked her if her bf knows we met last month, that we have been texting, planning to meet this week and that I helped her out with some money recently...she said 'no'. So looks like she is just playing both fields. She says she has very deep feelings for him and has to see where it leads with him, but can have doubts at the same time?

I'm in a better place now where it amuses me more than it confuses me.

[ch1066]

we met and got on really well, same story that she always wants me in her life and we have been texting daily, general chit-chat...but i knowi am her safety net, told her today she has to let me go so i can move on with my life and her with hers...no reply yet