do you men view this as cheating...?

[Aeradalia]

Ahh.. for now we've deleted his yahoo iming and aim accounts and I've got all his passwords for his myspace, facebook, and aol e-mail. I'm trying to work on it with him and he's being very responsive to trying to make it up to me. Porn is still okay for the time being but he's only allowed to watch his dvd's. I also have his verizon wireless passwords and im able to access his calling history and texting cuz i accused him of possibly doing something from there too. Otherwise I can't think of anything else. I know I'm acting like a dictator but I really don't care, I don't trust him all that much at the moment due to obvious reasons.

I just wanted to hear some input from mostly unbiased people cuz my family and his are all pitying me and its driving me nuts.

Are you nuts???? He's a man... not a child!

So he had a misunderstanding about webcams being cheating in your eyes.

Did you have a discussion about why he thought this wasn't cheating? Or did you step in and assume dictator mode because your view is all that matters?

Even if he's wrong 100%... you still need to hear him out so you'll know how/why he came to the conclusion that he did.

You will never be able to know what he does all the time.... you will never be able to prevent a guy from cheating if he's got it in his mind to do that... and trust has to be mutual and given --- not forced out by tyrannical behavior.

He's suppose to be your friend along with being your lover/boyfriend. Would you treat your friends like this? Now you're doing some things that are worthy of him DUMPING you...

Seriously... a civilized discussion is all you need. Stop this madness... it's unnecessary and won't prevent cheating (might even encourage it).

[Justplaying5050]

Aeradalia is 100% right.

[NeverBeenNLuvB4]

How the hell did you manage to get all your info & passwords. I'm scared of girls like you.

What world do we live in today where we can't trust our girlfriends when we do cheat?

[Cain]

How the hell did you manage to get all your info & passwords. I'm scared of girls like you.

What world do we live in today where we can't trust our girlfriends when we do cheat?

I'm assuming he gave her all of that info.

And I'll also assume the last part of your post was sarcasm.

[Sonrisa]

Are you nuts???? He's a man... not a child!

So he had a misunderstanding about webcams being cheating in your eyes.

Did you have a discussion about why he thought this wasn't cheating? Or did you step in and assume dictator mode because your view is all that matters?

Even if he's wrong 100%... you still need to hear him out so you'll know how/why he came to the conclusion that he did.

You will never be able to know what he does all the time.... you will never be able to prevent a guy from cheating if he's got it in his mind to do that... and trust has to be mutual and given --- not forced out by tyrannical behavior.

He's suppose to be your friend along with being your lover/boyfriend. Would you treat your friends like this? Now you're doing some things that are worthy of him DUMPING you...

Seriously... a civilized discussion is all you need. Stop this madness... it's unnecessary and won't prevent cheating (might even encourage it).

Oh please. Any normal human being would know that IT IS cheating. there is no need to have a civilized discussion with an animal.

[Aeradalia]

Oh please. Any normal human being would know that IT IS cheating. there is no need to have a civilized discussion with an animal.

There's a fine line between something like a 'threesome' and 'cheating'.... and the difference is either both are in agreement or they are not.

Webcam's are new... and therefore the 'norm' has yet to be established as to whether or not it is truly cheating. Yes, I'm sure any female can sit down and come up with a list of reasons of whey they believe it is cheating --- just as any man can come up with just as many reasons as to why it's not.

So there isn't a 'default' understanding on where to draw the line with this.

When there isn't a default understanding... then both need to discuss their views on the issue and come to an understanding.

So your 'lazy' methods of thinking simply do not apply here... because you do not have a 'norm' to fall back on where someone else has done the thinking for you.

As for the OP... this reaction is way out of line no matter what --- even in the case of a man who without a doubt cheats on you --- it solves nothing and destroys the trust in the relationship. When you destroy trust... the relationship becomes a shell of its former self... eventually dissipating entirely.

Talk to the man... as I said before.

[Sonrisa]

There's a fine line between something like a 'threesome' and 'cheating'.... and the difference is either both are in agreement or they are not.

Webcam's are new... and therefore the 'norm' has yet to be established as to whether or not it is truly cheating. Yes, I'm sure any female can sit down and come up with a list of reasons of whey they believe it is cheating --- just as any man can come up with just as many reasons as to why it's not.

So there isn't a 'default' understanding on where to draw the line with this.

When there isn't a default understanding... then both need to discuss their views on the issue and come to an understanding.

So your 'lazy' methods of thinking simply do not apply here... because you do not have a 'norm' to fall back on where someone else has done the thinking for you.

As for the OP... this reaction is way out of line no matter what --- even in the case of a man who without a doubt cheats on you --- it solves nothing and destroys the trust in the relationship. When you destroy trust... the relationship becomes a shell of its former self... eventually dissipating entirely.

Talk to the man... as I said before.

I wish this norm on you. Let me know how you feel when you man has emotional and sexual affairs on webcams. I am eager to find out. new or not, webcams are just another source of communication. there are no grey areas in life when it comes to cheating.

[Aeradalia]

I wish this norm on you. Let me know how you feel when you man has emotional and sexual affairs on webcams. I am eager to find out. new or not, webcams are just another source of communication. there are no grey areas in life when it comes to cheating.

Guilty till proven innocent is a terrible way to maintain a relationship --- no man will stay for long, no matter how good the sex may be.

My guy does watch women on web cams... I watch people on web cams too... BUT we agreed to that. However, we seem to enjoy watching the same people together... though occasionally we stray from this.

I trust him not to cheat and he trusts me not to cheat --- just like anyone else in a relationship does. I don't force him to submit everything he's ever done for my examination... it'll violate the trust... and so far, he tells me of anything he fears can be misconstrued on his own --- because I don't demand it of him, and he respects me.

Even if a guy has a sexual affair (webcam or not)... at what time are you given the right to demand removal of his privacy and violation of his trust? If he's a cheater... cut him loose or forgive him --- there's nothing else you can do.

[Sonrisa]

Guilty till proven innocent is a terrible way to maintain a relationship --- no man will stay for long, no matter how good the sex may be.

My guy does watch women on web cams... I watch people on web cams too... BUT we agreed to that. However, we seem to enjoy watching the same people together... though occasionally we stray from this.

I trust him not to cheat and he trusts me not to cheat --- just like anyone else in a relationship does. I don't force him to submit everything he's ever done for my examination... it'll violate the trust... and so far, he tells me of anything he fears can be misconstrued on his own --- because I don't demand it of him, and he respects me.

Even if a guy has a sexual affair (webcam or not)... at what time are you given the right to demand removal of his privacy and violation of his trust? If he's a cheater... cut him loose or forgive him --- there's nothing else you can do.

and cheating is not a violation of your privacy? giving you an STD is not a violation of your privacy? or how about when you have kids involved? what then? still forgive and forget?

[Aeradalia]

and cheating is not a violation of your privacy? giving you an STD is not a violation of your privacy? or how about when you have kids involved? what then? still forgive and forget?

Indignant... this comes down to two wrongs don't make a right.

Just because a guy cheated on you does not give you the right to violate his privacy anymore than it gives you the right to destroy his car.

Never said you HAD to forgive them...

This is what I said:

"If he's a cheater... cut him loose or forgive him --- there's nothing else you can do. "

It's YOUR choice to dump him OR forgive him.



I understand that cheating brings out a lot of negative emotions... but the facts still remain --- you cannot violate his privacy and be in the right. You can however... dump his ass and be 100% correct in doing so.

Vindictiveness never gives you the moral high ground. It's immature and does more damage to yourself than the intended 'victim'.

[nonconformist]

Anything that he feels like hiding from you is cheating, involving the opposite sex.

[Aeradalia]

Anything that he feels like hiding from you is cheating, involving the opposite sex.

So planning a surprise birthday party for his gf with the help of his female cousin would be cheating?

I think the terms for cheating would be more on a case by case basis...

[vashti]

Whether you want to call it cheating or not, I'd cut him loose. I'm pretty sure anyone over the age of 15 would know this behavior was inappropriate, and in fact, he did, too. That's why he kept it hidden from you. I wouldn't bother with the checking up on him, looking at his emails, whatever. He broke your trust, and I don't see the point of continuing on with someone you don't trust. You aren't married, and you don't have kids. Now is the time to save yourself from a lot of future headaches.

[Aeradalia]

Whether you want to call it cheating or not, I'd cut him loose. I'm pretty sure anyone over the age of 15 would know this behavior was inappropriate, and in fact, he did, too. That's why he kept it hidden from you. I wouldn't bother with the checking up on him, looking at his emails, whatever. He broke your trust, and I don't see the point of continuing on with someone you don't trust. You aren't married, and you don't have kids. Now is the time to save yourself from a lot of future headaches.

Vashti's got a point... no trust = no relationship.

It's up to you if you want to salvage this or not.

Though personally, I wouldn't. If he couldn't talk to you about this... or even ask you what your views were on it... and would rather keep this hidden from you, then it speaks volumes about his character, or lack thereof.

[Illusional]

this is interactive porn at its best!!! i would consider this cheated because of the interaction that takes place. i'm sure that they don't just offer to strip for him and he succumbs because he has is too weak willed.

raverboy