How do I get closure without understanding why my ex dumped me?

[delhi_heart]

Hi [MENTION=85274]delhi_heart[/MENTION]

Most of the truth has been spoken about by a lot of the individuals on this thread. I think you, deep down, know that some of your behaviour has been poor but that doesn't make you a bad person - it's simply the fear, insecurity and guilt inside of you being acted out.

The truth is that this experience is an opportunity to heal some of those wounds and become the best version of yourself because if you don't, you will only replay this same experience (or similar) to another relationship.
I've seen this happen time and time again and no matter how tempting it is to chase your partner etc etc, the truth is that it very rarely works because you are motivated by the fear of loss, rather than being motivated by love.

What you've been through is extremely difficult - particularly with the divorce etc but it's now time to really focus on serving you and growing yourself. You are making a good start with the cycling etc but you need to also deal with the inner demons head on as well. Only then will you truly process, integrate and accept these feelings and move on.

I hope that all makes sense.

Any questions, please let me know.

Cheers
Sri

Yes, deep within I know what you are saying is absolutely right. I did make a mess of things in my insecurity and despair for her. I also know that I have made it almost impossible for her to ever love me, and I must move on.

But somehow the guilt of what I did, memories of what we shared and the desire to make everything alright, to make up for my actions refuses to die down. It has been a sinusoidal cycle so far; it'll be 2 years in 4 days' time when she broke up and I had been completely unable to lead a normal life. I make some progress but then one day it all come crashing down

[pcmaster]

All you can do now is jerk off while thinking about her.

Or find another girl and try again. IDK whats better. You decide.

[Hooo!]

forgiving has something to do with giving


The best thing you can do for your ex is to leave her alone (and or apologize in a letter or whatever you like)
The best thing you can do for others is to be honest and caring to the world.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to accept the past and make yourself better, so that you will never act like that again.

[delhi_heart]

Thanks all of you for your responses. I did know it, but somehow have never been able to accept it. In the last four months when I was preparing for divorce, I made myself believe that no life is possible without her. When people advised me against divorce, I countered how I love her and want to be with her. Those were tough times and only the thought of being with her after it was over kept me going.

When she was not there anymore, I couldn't cope with that; and still long for her. But I know she isn't coming back, so time to make me believe otherwise