I just have to get this out.

[devonbrown]

he's got a lot of character

And that is when I fell out of my chair in laughter...

[a19drift]

Certainly, I'm happy that you're amused here Devon. I will reiterate, I have known him my entire life. I didn't just form a new attachment to him, only a new relationship.

I do appreciate your input, but if you're just going to pick apart everything I say...why bother responding?

[surfhb]

I would totally slap the shit out of you if you were my friend!

YOUVE BEEN PLAYED BY AN ASSHOLE!!!!

[a19drift]

I would totally slap the shit out of you if you were my friend!

YOUVE BEEN PLAYED BY AN ASSHOLE!!!!

Let me just establish that I GET THAT. There's no reason to slap me, however.
I'm not looking for the holy grail of answers here. I'd like at the very least to see him trap himself, perhaps some of you have some advice for that?

[devonbrown]

a19drift - I am not picking apart everything you say. I am trying to show you that you are not looking at this situation from an objective viewpoint. Everything you have said goes AGAINST him having good character. Please try to take yourself out of this situation, re-read your post and pretend it was written by someone you don't know, and imagine how you would respond to her.

[surfhb]

- hand slapping forehead-

Trap himself? Why? You're with a guy who doesn't fully respect you yet give a long list of reasons to say he's a real man? Seriously?

The advice has been given so I guess the question is: How can we help you?

[IncognitoSir]

Certainly, I'm happy that you're amused here Devon. I will reiterate, I have known him my entire life. I didn't just form a new attachment to him, only a new relationship.

I do appreciate your input, but if you're just going to pick apart everything I say...why bother responding?

You've known him your entire life, how is that relevant? What is it that you need advice on? It's really unclear. Your original post describes why you should leave him, why he's no good for you. Now every post after that has been you defending him and this thing you two have going on. I can't call it a relationship because he's married. You ARE the other woman. These are the facts. He's totally using you, and as of late it's all coming to light. 7 months you guys have been doing this right? Did it all just start yesterday? Probably not. He's still in love with his wife, that's pretty clear, yet.......you stick around. I fear he realizes how wrapped up he has you and that you're not going to leave, no matter what. Do you really want to be that girl who's left standing in the rain as he goes back to his wife and they live happily ever after. Leaving you with a broken heart?

[Wakeup]

My only insecurity in this is really just wondering why I'm not enough.

OMG. Girl, you just admited that you are not enough for him yet your self-worth doesn't tell you to leave this man? Do you like being one of many? Are you capable of being happy and content in a polyamourous situation that is forced on you rather than all parties knowing about it and agreeing to love one another? Are you happy knowing that he kills time with you while he longs to be with his ex with whom he is addicted to? If you are then go to it but I have to ask you why does this thread exist. What is it that will make you angst free, content and feeling like you're enough?

What is missing in YOU that you'd settle to be someone's filler? You're addicted to him like he's addicted to his wife. Addiction isn't love, it's codependency. Codependent love is one sided and about control and feeling out of control when you can't control things the way you want them to be... It's an addiction that you're afraid to go cold turkey from. Read the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie... Perhaps if you understand what ails you, you'll have the strength to leave this man.. or learn to accept your place in his life for what it is and be happy there.

One thing I've never been good at doing is cutting and running when things get hard. Which is exactly what his ex-wife did.

This is not 'things getting hard.' This is about you accepting shit. His wife was smart to leave and quit enabling him to be a dick. Unfortunately she's allowing him back in because he's, like with you got some psychological hold over her and is dazzling her (and you) with his bullshit.

Its women like you and his ex wife and this Brittany that make the dreaded "nice guy" say women like assholes over someone who treats them well. You have to look within and ask yourself why you accept "not being enough."

[mwahahaha]

"he faked his best friend being arrested" lol.

[Riku]

How are you in a relationship with him? It sounds to me like you probably really only have sex with him. I'm sure the weekend camping thing was to give you just enough to keep you thinking that it's a relationship and then things go right back to only being about sex. You said after he essentially had a date with this Brittany girl he tells you to come over? Ummmm...I hate to use the term but that's a total booty call, not him calling his girlfriend over. He tells his wife that he wants to work things out?! This is just ridiculous and if I hadn't seen you post here before I would think you were trolling.

Ok, just read some of your other posts about this guy. I'm disgusted at your behavior! Get off your hands and knees, stop groveling and get a fcking spine already before you end up an old drunk woman who's all alone chasing after some married guy that doesn't want her.

[Wakeup]

Ouch! but it's the truth, Op.

[pisces25]

Why are you on here seeking advice? Everyone has provided something productive and all you have done is refute it by justifying his actions.

Stay with him. Get hurt. Coz that is what you are going to do anyway.

Sorry for the harshness but you don't really seem to be comprehending how wrong this relationship is for you. But you will find out, the hard way.

[MerryH]

At one point in our ''relationship'', the one he won't acknowledge or define in the least

So technically, you're not his girlfriend and you're not exclusive and he never agreed to any sort of boundaries or anything. He sounds like a lying dickbag, but you have no basis to expect anything from him. So yeah, he's probably banging multiple people. The only thing he's really doing wrong is being dishonest with you about it.

You're treating this relationship as if he's your boyfriend. He's not. You are getting played, but I think that's mostly on you.

[IndiReloaded]

You're dumb. You've seen irrefutable evidence that he is not in love with you, and is still attached to his ex. This will end in heartbreak, and it is not on him, it is on you.

BackUpOrGetStng - name calling is never productive.

Heavens, an insult from the ex dope pusher? I suppose he would know dumb. I suspect he requires diapers every time his brain farts.

[a19drift]

I'm aware that you are all correct, & that I'm justifying all his wrongdoings. I'm not in la la land here.

I don't know why I'm fighting..but he's the only guy I've seen a future with past tomorrow, ever. I'm sure more than half of my problem is my timing, he barely had a chance to be single, and even though he insists I'm not a rebound, that's probably what I am, but technically that's kind of what he is too.

As for our exclusivity, I asked about that specifically. And he said "..just because I don't want to label our relationship, doesn't mean I'm not committed and that we aren't exclusive. It's not like I hide you, my family knows you and I are together, you've met and spent time with my children, you come with me to do things with my friends and they all know you.."

The thing is, he isn't 'getting it all' by keeping me here. He's cordially conversational with me, we haven't spent any real time together in days, and as for sex? No. Not happening. He hasn't even walked on the same side of the room as me in days, let alone TOUCHED me. So why not just get rid of me? That's what I'm so confused about.