Confessed about a lie, GF lost trust, attempting to rebuild.

[Raze]

She's a bitch?

[Troubsey]

She's a bitch?

Short and direct, i respect that. But no sir, she isnt a bitch.
The past weeks she hasnt been snappy or mean to me or anything aside from the hellfire she gave me when i told her about the lie.

She is just giving me less attention and affection then usual. Im still expecting it to come back slowly.


She better, else ill tell her she needs to grow up.

[Troubsey]

Well, little status update time.

She and i are doing better now, she even wrote me a little poem in which she told me how much i mean to her and how much she loves me.

There is however a different issue which i will explain in a new thread as it isnt related to our relationship but herself.

Thanks for all the advice and letting me rant/vent.

[psycho123]

Don't listen to the people who reply on their high horse and say you messed up or made a serious mistake. Everyone lies. Everyone makes mistakes. You are not a bad person and have nothing to feel guilty about. Here's why.

There are several types of lies (in my experience; this is in no way definitive):
Malicious --- "Of course I've never cheated on you," when you actually have.
Innocent --- "I've had sex before," when you really haven't.
White --- "Of course I like your new hairstyle," even though it may be hideous.

The level of severity pretty much goes in that order. Everyone tells white lies (you wouldn't survive in society without them). Sometimes people tell innocent lies to protect themselves from embarassment (as in your case). And sometimes, people tell malicious lies to hide the fact that they've done actually terrible or hurtful things. I'm sure there are other varying types of lies in between, situational lies, etc., but for a very general purpose, let's go with this.

I mean, you look at your situation from an outside point of view, and your "lie" is pretty much a white lie. The dictionary defines a white lie as a minor or harmless lie, both of which claiming to have had sex before qualifies as --- it is minor, and it is harmless, *especially* when told to someone you're not even dating at the time. Dating or getting someone's attention is very much a game, and in order to make a splash in the water, since we're not all suave Brad Pitt clones, it helps to up your stories or expand/alter the truth. Granted, this particular lie I don't think would have had any impact either way. Us guys love to boast about how much we've had sex. This is a lie in the same vein as saying you beat someone up in your school days when in reality you probably got your ass handed to you. When someone gets busted on this kind of lie, it's not something to get angry about, instead you rather laugh when someone's innocent lie is broken, because the weak point they wanted to hide just got exposed and you both feel embarassed for them and sorry for them and because you yourself have similar things you want to stay hidden.

But that's just it --- your lie didn't get found out or broken, you came forward on your own volition. Let's be real: there is no way she could have found out you were ever lying. You could have never said anything, and you would both go to your graves with different perceptions of a very very very minor reality. Instead, you realized your "mistake," and said, "you know what, I want this to be a completely truthful and honest relationship, down to every last detail," and told her your "mistake."

A few weeks into dating my girlfriend, she asked if I consulted my friends with how to ask her out and whatnot for advice. I lied straight to her face and said, "no." A few weeks later, I forget what the conversation was, but it was a happy and vulnerable moment for us and somehow that came up again, and with a huge smile and laugh, I said, "you know, I was full of $!&#, I was terrified to ask you out and consulted everyone I knew for advice." This is really the same kind of lie you told --- a self-preserving one, an ego lie, a self-denial lie (in my case, I didn't want to come across as weak). You know what her reaction was? Laughter, followed by telling me how sweet that is, because I just exposed one of my weaknesses to her. And I told that lie AFTER we started dating, which has the potential to be about 1209801384x worse than telling one BEFORE dating.

Anyway, you get the picture. You didn't do anything wrong. The sad and unfortunate truth here is that you're dealing with someone who is emotionally damaged. And it's not her fault. She should perhaps seek some kind of councelling to help return her to "normal" standards for dating a human being are --- the standards that say people DO make mistakes, even with regards to the person they love.

Anyone who has replied to you on this forum or elsewhere and said that you've made an actual mistake worthy of what you're going through is running under the assumption that you're a perfect robot. Don't let these people bring you down further. "You lied to her everyday" is simply laughable, unless of course you had the conversation about how many times you've had sex before, um, everyday.

What this girl needs is someone strong enough to take the brunt of her anger/irrationality and still love her, which is what you're doing. Which I commend you for. No matter how this turns out, it will be a positive experience for you both if you just ride the wave until she calms down (though this could take a while) --- she will (hopefully) come to her senses that she has found someone special enough to handle her emotional baggage, and you will have the benefit of knowing that you're the kind of person that even an "innocent" lie can make feel guilty, a lesson learned that DIDN'T cost you the relationship, which is now 100% lie free and honest, which is more than most people can say (myself included).