does just friends mean just friends forever

[Gobears1]

Yea ann those are great points again..but what do you mean by those are truths. Do you mean when I was accusing her she really was messin with other dudes..and I got another question for you ann or anybody that wants to help me..how do I accept the fact that she is a nice, attractive young woman that is going to hookup with other men and date other men..i dont know how im going to handle that when she tells me she is hooking up with other dudes and dating other dudes....thanks for everybodies help I do realize I made a big mistake and I am trying to live with it and change my ways.

[smackie9]

Things were great for a few minutes and we were more than friends but not officialy a couple...

What do you mean by this? What was it that made you more than friends in your opinion?

Was this all on the internet or did you actually go out on dates?

What are your ages?

Have you ever had a serious relationship before?

Are you are virgin?

Do you have close friends you hang out with?

Have you displayed this sort of aggression towards other girls before?

Have you always been friend zoned?

[Gobears1]

Hello smackie im going to give you more info..weve known each other for a long time we kind of dated like 12 years ago then she broke up with me and had kids by a guy I knew a couple years later so I was kind of mad at her and didnt speak to her for years.then a couple years ago she contacted me on facebook sayin that she was sorry if she hurt me and everything well at the time I guess I was still mad at her and told her there was nothin for us to talk about..then about 8 months later I contacted her on facebook then we started becoming like freinds with benefits..but then I really started to like her but I was mean to her and say mean things to her and she got tired of it and now I am very sad because I know I messed what could have been a good thing. And I really had never felt like this about a girl again, since the first time she broke up with me I really never let tgirls get like close enough where they could hurt me and I never really showef any aggression to them because I never really cared to much what they did..but I let her get close again and now im hurt because I was stupid and hurt her and now there is really no way to fix it and I have to just deal with it.

[Cerby]

I'd like to know, what EXACTLY have you said to her that has her so off towards you?

[Gobears1]

Well it was kind of a mixture of things..i would accuse her everyday, cuss her out, and the big one for her was she says I called her a bad mom but I worded it different but thats how she took..and I never called her a whore but she thinks that I think shes a whore..so thats most of the stuff that bothers her....i know I was wrong and it was very stupid of me.

[smackie9]

So you have anger issues? You sound messed up......maybe you need to get yourself some anger management counseling. You may feel bad about it, but you don't seem to see it as a problem. Get some frickin help.

[basilandthyme]

but what do you mean by those are truths. Do you mean when I was accusing her she really was messin with other dudes..and I got another question for you ann or anybody that wants to help me..how do I accept the fact that she is a nice, attractive young woman that is going to hookup with other men and date other men..i dont know how im going to handle that when she tells me she is hooking up with other dudes and dating other dudes....thanks for everybodies help I do realize I made a big mistake and I am trying to live with it and change my ways.

No. The truth that Ann refers to is that you haven't changed. You want her to believe you've changed, yet you accuse her of being with someone else. She can clearly see that you haven't changed at all.

[basilandthyme]

Well it was kind of a mixture of things..i would accuse her everyday, cuss her out, and the big one for her was she says I called her a bad mom but I worded it different but thats how she took..and I never called her a whore but she thinks that I think shes a whore..so thats most of the stuff that bothers her....i know I was wrong and it was very stupid of me.

You say you're not a bad guy, but honestly, your behaviour is unforgivable. Add this to the current thing of you accusing her of being with someone else.....why you think you deserve another chance is beyond me.

[Gobears1]

Smackie and baselthyme thank for your honesty..and smackie I am currently gettin help for my anger problems..and I do see it as a problem..i just know what I did wrong and know that I can be a better person and she was so nice to me and I cant believe I acted like that to her she didnt deserve it and if I could take everything back I would but I know I cant. I can just tell her how sorry I am and just work on becoming the best person I can..she is a great woman that taught me alot.

[smackie9]

Well then you are going to have to work on getting better before you attempt to have a relationship with anyone. What's done is done, you need to just move on and start fresh. Letting go is one of those things you will learn in anger management.

[Gobears1]

Yea that is good advice but does anyone think that if I change and become a better person will this woman ever give me another chance.i never harmed her physically or anything and I have apologized a million times for the stuff I said..she is the only woman I want to be with right now , ive talked to other girls during this period but its not the same as talkin to her..does anybody have any hope for me...also does anybody have any advice on how I can accept the fact that she is gonna be with other dudes and she probly has already and there is really nothin I can do about.

[smackie9]

Just accept it's over and move on with you life.....stop talking about it.

[basilandthyme]

Yea that is good advice but does anyone think that if I change and become a better person will this woman ever give me another chance.i never harmed her physically or anything and I have apologized a million times for the stuff I said..she is the only woman I want to be with right now , ive talked to other girls during this period but its not the same as talkin to her..does anybody have any hope for me...also does anybody have any advice on how I can accept the fact that she is gonna be with other dudes and she probly has already and there is really nothin I can do about.

Nobody can predict the future. And we certainly can't tell you what she may do. All you can do is be the best person you can and work towards an emotionally healthy future.

[Gobears1]

Thanks smackie and basilandthyme....and I think thats a good point basilandthyme I do need to concentrate more on making me a better person...i just hope in time when I do change and become a better that she will give me a chance to prove yo her ive changed but the bad part is she will probly be with somebody else by then if she isnt already.

[badrazor]

First let me say that i do not believe you have any chance with this girl anymore. ***BUT*** if you are really that desperate to talk to her, may i suggest (Ann don't kill me! hehe) that you show up at her house or someplace that you know you might be able to get her alone. If she doesn't run away, then you pour your heart out to her and tell her that you can't change what happened in the past but you would go to the ends of the earth to make it up to her. Tell her you promise it will never happen again. Then tell her that you will now never contact her again but that if there's a glimmer of love left in her, to please contact you and maybe you can both start over. Thank her for listening and then walk away and pray she contacts you. I recently did something like this and it worked out pretty well. My ex was hostile too but when she saw me, she became loving again.

Again, this is just a suggestion for if you are that desperate to talk with her. If you do this, don't be scary at all either! Make her feel comfortable. Put on your best loving attitude even if she starts out not so friendly. You really don't seem to have that much to lose here if meeting with her doesn't work