My Life.

[Gigabitch]

Look right through him. Thousands of girls he could date, and he picks Ann? What a dick.

[TDurden]

My only problem is seeing nathan... at school everyday for the rest of my schooling...OMFG

People do it all the time. Stop this self pitying bullshit and man up. If some second grader can show up to school everyday only to have the shit kicked outta him by some bully, you can go to school and see some guy who's an asshole.

[Sooky]

I disagree. When something like this happens its a huge shock to the system and it takes time for you to adjust to something like this. For things to sink in. I'd still say distraction is probably the best way forward. Tho I know its really hard at a time like this.

Try to hang in there.

[Zach]

Im trying guys... this all happened last night so im still kind of in shock... my mind is screwed right now but I am doing my best.

[Gigabitch]

I know this is gonna sound kinda crazy, but take some kind of talisman to school tomorrow. My daughter once gave me this smooth black rock that I keep in my coat pocket for luck. Do you have anything you could keep on your person to connect you to family or whatever makes you feel better?

[Zach]

Ill find something Giga. Thanks for the advice.

[Zach]

My apologies...you mentioned somewhere that something happened over a month ago...I assumed that meant all of this happened a month ago.

Its ok, it was a simple misunderstanding. I am currently sick to my stomach with anger and disgust for the two of them. I am so tempted to just let him have it tomorrow at school. I just want to scream at him and make him realize that everyone is disgusted in him over this and he has lost a great friend. Other than that, yeah I am sad that she is gone and that everything has somehow turned out like this but Im nearly done caring. Im so disgusted in them I cant even stand to think about looking at their selfish faces. I don't know, I guess we'll find out. Thanks for all the advice peeps. Much <3

Zach.

This has been my life, and passed all this shit.... I have found it to be worthwhile. (And im only ****ing 19)

[Zach]

Well it has been a few days, and I have become even more angry and disgusted. I just wrote this email to him earlier today.

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Nathan,

Yeah I'm pissed. Its obvious. Yeah I think you stooped to an all time low. You aren't sure about how you feel, but you already told me that you like her. Even if it is a little bit. You already chose to get involved with her to this point and that was your mistake. She has chose this also and she is disgusting and am really over her already. She disgust me and I can't even look at her, which is quite fine with me. But what really kills me is that you actually chose this too.

We have been best friends for so long. We have known each other since the elementary school and so on. We have been through life together since we were young and talked about everything there is to talk about in life. We have so many memories. Our relationship has lasted longer and was better than any girl I have known. I did neglect you when I was with those girls and I regret that and I realize I was wrong but now you are doing the same thing to me but worse. And you must realize that I am not choosing to not be friends with you cause of Ann. You are choosing to force me to end our friendship by wronging me like this. You have always had amazing morals and values. A great sense of humor and a beautiful personality but this is unbelievable. You promised me that you would never let a girl get in between our friendship. You right now - is like me getting involved with Julia when you were heartbroken and Me not caring and knowing that you were obviously not over her. It doesn't matter anymore though, you have made the mistake already and it is all done with. Hopefully someday you will realize what you and Ann have done is very wrong and should never happen to anyone. You are mature Nathan but right now you are blinded by Ann. I say this not because I'm jealous and mad but because it is true. I'm not even jealous about this. I don't even like Ann anymore. She is to naive about all of this and she is young in her maturity and she will learn from all this someday. She should have known better and that is the simple fact for both of you. She really thinks that she couldn't of helped what has happened. She thinks I'm the bad guy in this situation. She is selfish. I always thought Ann was a little more mature than this. She knows I wasn't over her yet she openly and willingly get involved with you and visa versa. I never asked you two to not be friends, and I never will. But you both have crossed that line and now it is all over. I will not be friends with either of you because you both are below my standards of a "friend". And many other agree with me on this. I am not alone.

The main thing you need to know through all of this is that.. yes you have lost me as a friend by your choices. But you have lost a lot more than you realize. You have also lost Jamie as a friend. You have lost my family as your friends. So many people are in disbelief over what has happened. Stacy is even in shock that you would do this to me. Julia and Jamie both are disgusted and don't want to be a friend to you anymore because of this. Nearly every single person I have talked to about all this knows that you have made a mistake. The only person that thinks this is right is Ann. She is blinded cause she likes you and is young. Jamie even told me her friends know what she has done is wrong and that they only take her side because they are her friends. Jamie talked to Erica about all of this too. Jeff admits that there is something wrong with this and there are things that aren't wrong but he is also your friend and will take your side no matter what.
Me on the other hand will NEVER lie to you and will tell you what you should/need to hear. I am coming off as mean probably because I am, and I am disappointed. That's ok though.

Realize when you were at my house and you said you know what you have to do. You said I have been through enough pain and you can take one for the team this time. (or something close to that) Then you change your mind when you see her. Why the sudden change? Its because you do like her and you are blinded by this feeling. You will regret not giving Ann a chance but your willing to lose everything in the process, OK.. GJ.

The fact is that Ann broke with me ONLY a month and a half ago... YOU know I wasn't over her. SHE knows I wasn't over her. YOU know dating your best friends ex is something you SHOULDN'T DO!!! Its simply wrong. Yes, your not "dating" yet but your intentions are in that mind set and that is all that matters.

Maybe someday you will realize what you did, and understand that it is wrong. But you have shown me that you are not a good friend and nor is Ann. Either you don't understand what you have done and how I feel or You simply don't care. Either way you made a mistake.. a huge one.

This is what you needed to know. I don't think there is anymore to say. Except that you and Ann are both Selfish in what you have done. I hope you have a great time with each other and learn from your mistakes and later regret what you are doing. And it seems like I am assuming alot I bet, but you have shown your intentions through all your actions and words within the last few days. Wake up.
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Later on I told him this in a IM.
"I wrote you an e-mail. You should read it if you already haven't."
He said: "I have" Thats it. And now I feel like shit and yeah... I know I need to get the **** over this... its just so hard.. AGH I said what I had to say.. but I am now getting depressed again... this is so terrible. I did have my first martial arts class in 3 years today but I am still in terrible emotional delirium. Im so sick of all this. I know everyone has said everything already that I need to hear and follow but its still eating at me. I think I may just need to cry.

[Gigabitch]

So cry. Eventually, you'll run out of tears. I promise.

[Zach]

Ann,

You got your own message too.

Lets take a look.

cRaZyNsHoRt07: you can't help what you feel zach

cRaZyNsHoRt07: sry

The truth is you allowed yourself to get to this point where you now feel what you feel. You let it happen with him. You chose to get involved with him. NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY- THERE IS ALWAYS A LEVEL OF CHOICE IN WHAT YOU HAVE DONE! You chose to let this happen. You let it go this far and have crossed that line. When you first start talking with him, you start to see he is pretty cool! Then when you feel like he could be more than a friend- YOU STOP RIGHT THERE!!! You don't keep going deeper! No matter what you talk about, if you feel that your relationship with him could be possibly more.... Then you stop getting more involved with him!!!!! It really isn't rocket science. And if you really can't help feel what you feel.. you still have the choice to not act on it knowing it is WRONG! Even though he asked you about you liking him or probed you or w/e you still chose right there to allow yourself to get that involved with him. Yes, you ignore your feelings in this situation because it is wrong. Cut contact and move one and find someone else!! (don't cut contact forever! only until you don't like him anymore) There are over 3 billion guys out there and you choose to involve yourself with Nathan. How low. He is just at fault as you and at more actually. I know I couldn't be with you because you don't love me like that anymore so I had to cut contact so that maybe I can be friends with you in the future. Out of respect for you and me! It would have been wrong of you or me to stick around any longer cause it wasn't "right" anymore. And you and Nathan like this is wrong. You must see this. Have respect for you and me. You can't help how you feel. I know. But you can control them if you want. Look at me. I am discarding all the love I gave to you as we speak. Yeah I can't help how I feel but I have to. Its the right thing to do, because I have respect for you and me.

Ann you used to be the closest person to me up till about a few weeks ago then you completely shocked me. You did the un-thinkable. When I went to see you at your house that Monday a while back I got the closure and I was fine and I was moving on. I was HAPPY for the first god damn time since we broke up. That was the "real" you. Your smile as I walked away and how we did not want to say goodbye. Destined to be the greatest friends eventually when I was able to. We finally had the clean break we needed. It took a while but it was done. You did great, up until you did this.

"Zach... I managed to do the one thing I never wanted to do...I never wanted to hurt you!!"

Ann you hurt me deeper than anyone has ever hurt me in my entire life when you "dumped me" Yes you dumped me. It only "seemed" mutual. You chose that "option" before I did when we were laying there on your bed that night on October 11th. I was the strong and agreed only for YOU. You didn't love me anymore so what else could I have done?

Up to this point you have hurt me but you are innocent and have done nothing wrong. Its life. It was bound to happen.

After this I start to heal then guess what... GUESS!! You kick me while I'm down. Yeah, you kicked me. You do this to me. You get involved with Nathan willingly KNOWING I'M NOT OVER YOU!. Now I'm laying bleeding .. heart ripped out... ribs broken and puking all over the floor lying below me because of how disgusted and betrayed I feel.

I hope you hurt because you realize that what you have done is cruel. I hope you snap out of this immature phase your going through soon. For the first time I hope you hurt and mature from it. Only when you learn from your mistakes can I forgive you. Maybe you don't want my forgiveness and don't want me as a friend but this is me reaching out.

I respected you and thought you were the kindest most loving person I have ever met.

You think that Nathan is the only one that is losing a friend? You really think that? You think he can end all this right now? No he can't. He already ****ed up and he ALREADY LOST a friend. Your really naive to think your not losing me as a friend through this too.

Your friends can tell you all they want that what you are doing is ok. I don't expect shit from them. But I expected more from you. You are more than this. You should have enough respect for me and YOURSELF to not do this.

It hadn't been 2 months since we broke up. When every single day for me seems like eternity without you... a half a month can be a really ****ing long time. We broke up on October 11th! You told Nathan you liked him on the 27th of Nov. (or close to it) That's only a month and a half. Also realize I got that final closure only a SINGLE WEEK BEFORE ALL THIS. I thought you would realize I am QUITE OBVIOUSLY NOT OVER YOU! I thought you would be smarter than this. And I thought you were also mature enough to realize that actual " TIME" has nothing to do with all this. WOW! You should realize your using this -"TIME"- thing to make this all seem right. Your wrong. Your lying to yourself and YOU KNOW IT!

The only thing that matters is I wasn't over you! and you BOTH knew that.

That is what matters. Please wake up Ann. I love you as a friend enough to say all this to you. You have to realize what your doing!

[Zach]

cRaZyNsHoRt07: i'm sorry that it would hurt you!

cRaZyNsHoRt07: but it's gonna hurt you no matter who i date

Yeah, its going to hurt me no matter who you date. Of course, I'm not stupid. But your naive to think that it doesn't matter to get involved with my best friend like this when you KNOW I'M NOT OVER YOU!

cRaZyNsHoRt07: i'm sorry that you think it's wrong

cRaZyNsHoRt07: but i can't promise something like that

aNiMeFrEaK109876: you dont think its wrong!?

cRaZyNsHoRt07: i think that it would hurt you..but i don't think it's wrong no

And you don't think dating your ex's BEST FRIEND IS WRONG WHEN YOU KNOW YOU EX IS NOT OVER YOU!? How can you possibly think this!?!?!?! I don't get it Ann. Even when we were together for those years I know we talked about this. I know you know this is wrong. I just thought you would love me enough as a friend and as a human in general to not betray me like this. No one deserves this done to them.

aNiMeFrEaK109876: would you date nathan knowing I still had feelings for you?

cRaZyNsHoRt07: you said that you'd always have feelings for me zach

aNiMeFrEaK109876: but there will be apoint when i can handle something like that

aNiMeFrEaK109876: when im "over" you

cRaZyNsHoRt07: i don't know what to say!!!

cRaZyNsHoRt07: i dont' want to hurt you!

Its because you know your wrong and don't want to accept what you have done. You ARE more mature than your current choices.

aNiMeFrEaK109876: i think its fair enough to ask you to not date him until im over you

aNiMeFrEaK109876: i wouldn't ask you to NEVER date him

aNiMeFrEaK109876: do you think that is fair!?

aNiMeFrEaK109876: ann

aNiMeFrEaK109876: are you there?!

cRaZyNsHoRt07: yeah i'm here

aNiMeFrEaK109876: wow..

Once again, admit that YOU KNOW what your doing is wrong!!! Stop lying to yourself and relying on your friends to tell you what your doing is ok. People know this is wrong and they are only siding with you because they love you. But they don't really love you enough to tell you that you are making a huge mistake. Make sure you realize I am not saying this to be mean! I'm saying this because I care about you. I may be disgusted in you right now and I may not even be able to look at you because of the things your have done to me but I STILL care about you Ann. (as a friend) I am a good person and I have love and compassion for you no matter what. If I don't hate you after this... so what could make me hate you?

aNiMeFrEaK109876: why wont you answer me?

cRaZyNsHoRt07: i dunno

Because you know your wrong. Stop lying to yourself because you like him! You don't see this is wrong because you have each other and are blinded by each other! I am not the only person who see's this in you two!

aNiMeFrEaK109876: why are you mad?!

aNiMeFrEaK109876: why are YOU mad@!?

cRaZyNsHoRt07: because ur ****in putting a guilt trip on me!!!

You just admitted that there was something to be guilty about. Its the guilt of the pain you inflicted on me once again. Something that isn't wrong wouldn't hurt me like this. You know I would never lie to you Ann. You know I'm past all that now. You know I am a good person and I am telling you the truth. I am not the bad guy. Although it "seems" like you think I am here, by not understanding why I would stop being friends with Nathan over this. You really must not see what you are doing or you don't care and they both worry me.

cRaZyNsHoRt07: i'm not doing anything to you

I have never seen a more naive statement in my life. Stop lying to yourself. Admit your wrong. Ann we both know you can be quite stubborn at times and that is the truth. Especially when you are angry. Of course I am also stubborn, I'm not saying I'm perfect. I tend to like your stubborn side sometimes..... its fun. But its not fun here at all.

Nathan made a promise to me years ago he would never do this to me. He broke that promise. You know about this promise. Why would you allow him to break this with you. You are better than that.

"Zach... I managed to do the one thing I never wanted to do...I never wanted to hurt you!!"

If this is true and you innocently are doing all this to me. Then stop. Wake up Ann, I mean it! You know this is wrong. Your better than this. You know I'm not over you. You know getting involved with my friends or best friends like this is cruel. But realize it is only cruel when you have known this whole time I still loved you. You did this knowing that. You went that low and blinded yourself to make it right. You rely on your friends to tell you that what your doing the right thing because you are unsure yourself about what has been happening and you want so bad to like Nathan and you won't give that up even though it is wrong. If I was over you, none of this would have happened. Then there would be no problem. But you should have respect for my feelings. You should be strong and moral enough to walk away from this. Even if you do walk away, remember that I will never be friends with Nathan again either way. He knows what he is doing is wrong. I looked him in the eye and asked him if he remembered our promise we made to never let a girl get between our friendship and he said yes. He knows. On the way home from my house he admits that there is a level of choice involved and it did go to far. He knows. He still openly and willingly ****s me like this. He is the worst kind of friend.

The reasoning behind that is that I really don't think you know what you are doing. (Everyone learns at one point in time)

And I know he is very aware of what he is doing.

Nathan thinks I am turning everyone against him. He is beyond wrong. All I say is this:

ME: Do you think its wrong to date your best friends ex when you know your friend still loves his ex and is not over her yet?

THEM: Yes! That is simply wrong. There is like a code that everyone knows! Wow! Is this happening to you?!

ME: Yes...

THEM: WHO !?

ME: My best friend of my whole life- Nathan.

They already believe it is wrong before I say his name. This has been the case for EVERY SINGLE PERSON I have talked to about this.

He turned everyone against himself. And you are doing it to yourself also. Everyone knows its wrong. Because it is. "It is a rotten thing to do." I was told that today actually by one of my teachers at Tri-State. Mr. Baird. Mrs. Stranko. Cmike. Kelley. They all agree it is rotten.

You even said yourself that you wouldn't be bothered that much if I were to start liking Erica after we broke up in this situation, but if she liked me back then that is what would bother you. Nathan is Erica and he is choosing this route.(in that made up situation) How can you side with him? You know its wrong. Wake the **** up Ann. Stop lying to yourself. You know I never would. You know me better than any other human being in this entire universe. And I know you better than anyone else in this entire universe. I know your morals and values. I know your personality. I KNOW YOU! And I am not lying to you. I am being a good friend by writing this to you. And that is simply all there is to it.

Even when we were on the phone you said you felt terrible that you hurt me like this. You said you can't help that you like him. But you still have a choice to do whats right. You have already made mistakes and you will hopefully learn from them someday. Everything I have said may do nothing to you and you still might see it as your doing nothing wrong at all. That will be sad, but its very possible. But, someday you will realize what you are doing is wrong. I promise.

In the end, you have lost a friend. (me) You have turned the best relationship of my life into the worst tragedy. You hurt the person you loved the most in one of the worst ways possible. You are lying to yourself to make your decisions "right". You have fallen so far and I am here to simply tell you that you need to look at yourself and what your doing. Get up Ann. Live your life how it should be lived. Stop. Think. Wake up. Be true to yourself and stop letting your emotions blind what is right. I hope you find a great guy someday who is worthy of your love. I hope your happy.

If anything I said in this is blatantly wrong then ignore it. But give it some thought. Go to your mom about this. Go to your pastor. Go to people with good morals and ask them if they think it is wrong. Don't just go to your friends who are young and still in High school. I am trying to help you.

Truthfully,

Zach

[Zach]

================================================== ========

Then she replied with this-

i am so done with you..dont even bother trying to talk to me again..this is the shit i'm getting because of you.

spotrzacky15121x (2:25:11 PM): SLUT
Auto response from cRaZyNsHoRt07 (2:25:11 PM): eh..work

================================================== =======

Then I replied with this-

Im so done with you too. Im glad you don't care anymore cause that is proof everything I said was true, and you do openly choose to be a horrible person. This is the last time ill ever talk to you. Bye

ps- I had nothing to do with w/e the **** you just accused me of. Someday you will see your wrong. or not.
================================================== =======

She is mad at me for things I didn't do!!! I did nothing wrong and I was actually the victim through all of this... and now Im the one who she hate and they both hate me now. How the **** could this have happened!?

[Kiechi]

================================================== ========

Then she replied with this-

i am so done with you..dont even bother trying to talk to me again..this is the shit i'm getting because of you.

spotrzacky15121x (2:25:11 PM): SLUT
Auto response from cRaZyNsHoRt07 (2:25:11 PM): eh..work

================================================== =======

Then I replied with this-

Im so done with you too. Im glad you don't care anymore cause that is proof everything I said was true, and you do openly choose to be a horrible person. This is the last time ill ever talk to you. Bye

ps- I had nothing to do with w/e the **** you just accused me of. Someday you will see your wrong. or not.
================================================== =======

She is mad at me for things I didn't do!!! I did nothing wrong and I was actually the victim through all of this... and now Im the one who she hate and they both hate me now. How the **** could this have happened!?

Gee, get over it already.

[Zach]

Gee, get over it already.

I would like to give you the award for the best ****ing advice ever. You prolly could have said it better by saying nothing at all. God Damnit.

[Kiechi]

I would like to give you the award for the best ****ing advice ever. You prolly could have said it better by saying nothing at all. God Damnit.

Bullshit. You know what you have to do to get over this, but you're choosing to dwell on the situation. Was you not advised to cut off all contact with both your best friend and your ex? so why the hell haven't you done it? exactly. Because you want to carry on playing the victim, wimpering and moaning about how much you hurt and how hard life is.

so you want my real adivce?

get the **** over it and shut the **** up.