Drama, drama, drama.

[Charlie Boy II]

too much weight bugs most guys. It's just a fact.

[vashti]

vashti says:

"Ouch. I have no real advice about how to handle this, but wow - your guy was REALLY stupid to say that. The human body tends to get LESS attractive over time, not more so. I don't think I could live with the pressure, either."

f*ck off with that female nonsense. The guy actually handled the situation well.

Neo's still bitter about gribble's thread.

Anyway, the original poster never said she gained this weight after she started dating this guy. For all we know, she was this size when he met her. Not that it matters - this guy has no tact. THAT is the problem.

[NeoSeminole]

vashti says:

"Neo's still bitter about gribble's thread."

the one where I burried you and several others? Why would I be bitter from that? lol

"Anyway, the original poster never said she gained this weight after she started dating this guy. For all we know, she was this size when he met her. Not that it matters - this guy has no tact. THAT is the problem."

the guy never said the OP was fat either. You just assumed that

[lilly1185]

the guy never said the OP was fat either. You just assumed that

You were the only one who actually *said* fat, though. We were arguing about tactfulness.

[Cbrider]

vashti says:

"Neo's still bitter about gribble's thread."

the one where I burried you and several others? Why would I be bitter from that? lol

"Anyway, the original poster never said she gained this weight after she started dating this guy. For all we know, she was this size when he met her. Not that it matters - this guy has no tact. THAT is the problem."

the guy never said the OP was fat either. You just assumed that

You spelled buried wrong.

Honestly, this is a forum, not an octagon, knock off the tough guy act. Not all women are stupid as you want to perceive.

[Only-virgins]

So, my question is kinda about health and well being. (Sorry in advance for length.)

To start, I will say that I am bigger, could stand to lose several ( a few more than several, but not terribly many ) pounds. So there's that.

I have been seeing a guy for about.. a year and a half now. We were in a secret sharing sort of mode the other night when we talked online, and in the spirit of full honesty, he told me that quote, "he couldn't see himself with me if I didn't work on myself." But that somehow right now he finds me attractive.

I'm no idiot. I know better than to believe both of those at the same time. Really though. Really. So here I was, bawling my eyes out, and he said that he had had no intention of making me cry. That he "really loves me" etc. Which, I'm beginning to think, is bs or self-deception.

At this point, I'm thinking of calling it all off, if only for the fact that while I want to work on myself too, I don't know that I can deal with that being a condition of our relationship. That if we do end up together in the end, I'm always going to worry about gaining a few pounds. For the record, I do love him very dearly, and he is in excellent physical condition himself.

I guess I'm just looking for a bit of advice. What would you do?

What else is there to do? I think the entire thing you posted had a beginning and an end. He is in great shape? Don't be paranoid that he would leave you eventually over a few pounds. What is your age? I don't expect a woman to stay in great shape forever but if you are fat in your twenties to thirties you kind of did it to yourself and I don't blame him.

lilly1185 says:

"And then when said woman drops an ass ton of poundage, guys bitch because tits and ass are the first thing to go!"

hmm, nice body with firm ass or overweight with floppy tits... tough choice. lol

LOL

[vashti]

the one where I burried you and several others? Why would I be bitter from that? lol

Hah! Your memory is going, my friend. You LOST that argument.

[NeoSeminole]

lilly1185 says:

"You were the only one who actually *said* fat, though. We were arguing about tactfulness."

losing extra pounds = losing fat. They mean the same thing. All of you female posters are attacking this guy, calling him "stupid" or a "tool," for the way he handled the situation when he never mentioned her weight. He said he couldn't see himself with someone who doesn't work on herself. This could mean he doesn't see himself with someone who doesn't care about her health. I don't see anything wrong with expressing your concerns over a partner's health and well-being.

[NeoSeminole]

Cbrider says:

"You spelled buried wrong."

egads! I did misspell a word.

"Honestly, this is a forum, not an octagon, knock off the tough guy act. Not all women are stupid as you want to perceive."

let me think about it..... no. I find it amusing when the female posters challenge my advice and then proclaim themselves the victor as they run away in defeat. It's like a soldier retreating from the battlefield in defeat while yelling "we won! we won!"

[NeoSeminole]

vashti says:

"Hah! Your memory is going, my friend. You LOST that argument."

you mean the thread where you and IndiReloaded tried to use poorly-construed logic to argue why I'm not allowed to give my input? And the both of you ran away after I made you look stupid for incorrectly assuming what my choice would be? Yeah... I lost that argument all right. <rolls eyes>

[vashti]

I think you are suffering from study burnout, or something. I never commented on anyone else's opinion on that thread. We disagreed about whether or not it was necessary to read the article gribble posted in order to have an opinion, and Gribble agreed with me. Sorry, care to try again?

[qwertz]

Cant believe im saying this, but......I agree 100% with neo.

The guy was tactful. I dont see the problem..yeh the OP feels a bit crap about it, but he only told her something she knew anyway. He's just letting his feelings known..its a whole lot better than if he didnt say anything, she piled on the weight and then he left her further down the line.
Its not hard to lose weight, if you want to lose it then do something about it.
It really annoys me that girls get hung up on issues with their body that they can change but instead choose not to and continue to moan about it.

[NeoSeminole]

vashti says:

"I think you are suffering from study burnout, or something. I never commented on anyone else's opinion on that thread. We disagreed about whether or not it was necessary to read the article gribble posted in order to have an opinion, and Gribble agreed with me. Sorry, care to try again?"

maybe you didn't, but IndiReloaded did. You weren't specific about who you were referring to. So I gave a broad response which included you two. If you really want to go there, Gribble asked a rhetorical question. Any rational person would prefer to save their child over their spouse. There was no more need for you to respond than if I asked "do you believe in leprechauns or not?" I'm pretty sure 99 out of 100 people would choose the more sane answer.

[vashti]

vashti says:

"I think you are suffering from study burnout, or something. I never commented on anyone else's opinion on that thread. We disagreed about whether or not it was necessary to read the article gribble posted in order to have an opinion, and Gribble agreed with me. Sorry, care to try again?"

maybe you didn't, but IndiReloaded did. You weren't specific about who you were referring to. So I gave a broad response which included you two. If you really want to go there, Gribble asked a rhetorical question. Any rational person would prefer to save their child over their spouse. There was no more need for you to respond than if I asked "do you believe in leprechauns or not?" I'm pretty sure 99 out of 100 people would choose the more sane answer.

Whether or not you feel it was necessary to respond, I answered the question Gribble asked. Your issue with Indi is between the two of you, so leave me out of your chest thumping. If I am responding to you, I will either quote you, or mention your name. okay?

[Artemis]

Everyone, thank you for your replies.

NeoSeminole, I am committed to working on myself. I do run (only not right now, it's finals time) and do other things. When I do, I get good results. I care very much about my health. The problem is not that he cares that I care, but rather that he does not have any wiggle room for me to make mistakes,and our relationship would be on the line. So I beg your pardon if I don't agree with you and take offense at your generalizing the way I am. He has found me attractive in the past, and I have always been around this size. While he could have handled it worse, he felt bad about admitting what he did, which tells me that perhaps he didn't handle it as well as you seem to think.

Lilly- Thanks.

Lahnna- He's always been blunt, never been much of a problem, as I'm pretty blunt too. The fact that he himself called what he was saying shallow was to me very telling. He's not a douchebag or anything like that, so perhaps I need to either just suck it up or, yes, break up with him. He and I have quite the long discussion in store in the not-too-distant future.

Vashti-Thanks for the support.