Can't Guys/Girls Be JUST FRIENDS?

[bluesummer]

I reckon that's not completely true. Not to be rude, but I personally would never get back with somebody who dumped me to be with somebody else.

Well, it is completely true because I met her a couple of times and A) I am much better looking than her and B) Personality-wise, she is an insecure, whining little brat.
So I KNOW it to be the truth.

I can understand that most people wouldn't get back with someone who dumped them, but keep in mind yours is an outside perspective and you don't really know the history of the relationship. Not to be rude.

[afrosmile]

I reckon that's not completely true. Not to be rude, but I personally would never get back with somebody who dumped me to be with somebody else.

i agree doll69 is right,
every girl whose let there guy back in there life always talk about their history.
and what makes you think he won't do it again.
because from those girls who kept saying stuff like
"but we have been through so much together"
the guys ends doing it again because they know if it doesn't work out with the new chic you will always take them back.

[mhussain]

90% of men dont have friends in women. it just is too hard. until and unless u have a friend who herself has a bf and u urself have a gf. and both of u love ur respective others.
otherwise as harry said to sally, it just is doomed.

that is why never ever talk to a girl hoping that u would be friends with her, just ask her out if u want to and be honest.

again it is not impossible to be what chris rick calls 'platonic friends' with a woman, it just is too darn difficult.

Hussain

[moeburn]

Except... if you're gay, already taken by someone much more attractive, or you find them fugly.

[bluesummer]

i agree doll69 is right,
every girl whose let there guy back in there life always talk about their history.
and what makes you think he won't do it again.
because from those girls who kept saying stuff like
"but we have been through so much together"
the guys ends doing it again because they know if it doesn't work out with the new chic you will always take them back.

I get where you guys are coming from totally, and I'm not blind to the fact that my response may sound a little cliche or typical. But the difference between me and a lot of the chicks that post on here is that I know how lucky any guy is to be with me, and I don't have any major insecurities weighing me down. Not every case is as simple, cut and dried as it sounds, is all I'm trying to say.
I'm not 100% sure he would never do it again (but anyone who thought that of any guy is just naive), but I give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't give second chances.....and I know damn well I can get another guy as good as or better than him anytime. But whatever. Everyone's got their own shit to deal with.

[Fawn]

Wow, thats the exact same thing that happened to me.
I do have more guy friends then I do girl friends.

So, most of the time I talk to them if stuff is bothering me and they do the same if somethings bothering them. Apparently this created to "close" a bond for them, because 3/4 of my guy friends ended up telling me that they liked me

Now, I had a bf at the time, so I made it perfectly clear to them that I had a bf (they even knew it from the start that I had a bf, but apparently tried blocking that out of there heads). They accepted the fact and knew I would never cheat on my (now ex) bf, but they still flirted with me constantly and then I'd have to remind them over and over again.

Anyways, they are still good friends of mine, but ever since I became single again I've been attacked by a mob of boys that are asking me out. :S

Ooops, I got a bit off topic there. lol. Anyways, just tell them that they need to accept the fact that your not going to cheat on your bf. You just need them as a friend right now and that is important to you.

[nomas]

Whether it's the a matter of guys being more biologically driven or it being more socially accepted for a guy to speak his mind when he likes a girl..or simply that girls are so irresistible..it comes down to attraction and demonstrating your attraction.

It's called..if you think someone is attractive can you never be his/her friend?

I say you can.

Now, obviously there are levels of attraction, and this may be where the difference (in general) between girls and guys lie. A guy may be more inclined to open his mouth about a little attraction as he may be willing to risk the friendship if there is a chance for more. A woman may not be so quick to risk a friendship at a small attraction.

But therein lies the issue. Whether you're demonstrative about your attraction or not. I have friends who I wouldn't mind being romantic with..but I practice self discipline. If I don't see a sign in her part that I may have a chance, I decide not to demonstrate my own attraction either....but what if you're both doing the same thing? "He's not demonstrating anything so he must not be into me..I won't hint towards anything either..."

That's where the game comes in (I hate the game btw). Subtle signs that are supposed to be picked up by the other and in turn you give your signals....but not everyone is exactly the same, so you stick to what's generally accepted as the right signals/interpretations... but I'm off subject.

In any case, yes, you could be friends, but that doesn't mean someone doesn't like you. If you find someone attractive, with a nice personality, etc..why wouldn't you want to be a romantic partner with this person? The only question is whether you act on it or not. In the case of your drunk buddy, well, when you're drunk I guess you loose control so you say things you wouldn't say when you're in control and therefore, it comes out. But otherwise he was being cool about it and just your friend (as you suggested yourself that you had no idea he'd behave this way). And in the case of buddy number 2, same thing, he just put out a subtle little hint that he thinks highly of you...if you reciprocated his feelings it would have been worth the risk. If not, the best case is that you took it as a compliment and that is that.

If you're good looking and have a nice character, by nature, people will like you. You can have friends, but given the opportunity for more, ¿why not if you have all the desirable traits? Doesn't this make sense too for girls toward guys?

Freddie

[bluesummer]

But therein lies the issue. Whether you're demonstrative about your attraction or not.
Freddie

I think you've got a great point there.
I've had very brief instances where I might have thought..."hey, my guy friend here is such a nice guy, and good looking too....he's very date-worthy..." but I always just chalk it up to basc human behaviour and shrug it off - no further thoughts. It seems to me that maybe girls are able to do this a bit better than guys (this is not all-inclusive of course)?

[Innova]

Whether it's the a matter of guys being more biologically driven or it being more socially accepted for a guy to speak his mind when he likes a girl..or simply that girls are so irresistible..it comes down to attraction and demonstrating your attraction.

It's called..if you think someone is attractive can you never be his/her friend?

I say you can.

Now, obviously there are levels of attraction, and this may be where the difference (in general) between girls and guys lie. A guy may be more inclined to open his mouth about a little attraction as he may be willing to risk the friendship if there is a chance for more. A woman may not be so quick to risk a friendship at a small attraction.

But therein lies the issue. Whether you're demonstrative about your attraction or not. I have friends who I wouldn't mind being romantic with..but I practice self discipline. If I don't see a sign in her part that I may have a chance, I decide not to demonstrate my own attraction either....but what if you're both doing the same thing? "He's not demonstrating anything so he must not be into me..I won't hint towards anything either..."

That's where the game comes in (I hate the game btw). Subtle signs that are supposed to be picked up by the other and in turn you give your signals....but not everyone is exactly the same, so you stick to what's generally accepted as the right signals/interpretations... but I'm off subject.

In any case, yes, you could be friends, but that doesn't mean someone doesn't like you. If you find someone attractive, with a nice personality, etc..why wouldn't you want to be a romantic partner with this person? The only question is whether you act on it or not. In the case of your drunk buddy, well, when you're drunk I guess you loose control so you say things you wouldn't say when you're in control and therefore, it comes out. But otherwise he was being cool about it and just your friend (as you suggested yourself that you had no idea he'd behave this way). And in the case of buddy number 2, same thing, he just put out a subtle little hint that he thinks highly of you...if you reciprocated his feelings it would have been worth the risk. If not, the best case is that you took it as a compliment and that is that.

If you're good looking and have a nice character, by nature, people will like you. You can have friends, but given the opportunity for more, ¿why not if you have all the desirable traits? Doesn't this make sense too for girls toward guys?

Freddie

Bingo, everything is right here.

[yoshikuni]

Yeah, I would like to see the responses if the shoe were on the opposite foot. What if this topic were on a guy's point of view? If girls started chasing a guy friend of theirs who wanted to remain loyal to his gf?

[Prodigal]

Moeburn- that's a quote from the Ladder Theory page, isn't it? I remember reading something like that on there.. I think. Argh.. I hate the ladder theory. x.x;

It depends on the person, really. I guess in the back of people's heads, sexual attraction plays a big factor. It depends on how big of a sexual drive a person has in general, I guess. The more blatant the sex drive, the more problem they have being just friends with someone of the opposite sex? Just my guess...

[bluesummer]

Yeah, I would like to see the responses if the shoe were on the opposite foot. What if this topic were on a guy's point of view? If girls started chasing a guy friend of theirs who wanted to remain loyal to his gf?

I have never heard a guy ***** about female friends wanting to get with him.
One, because typically they WANT to be lusted after by a bunch of chicks....every man's fantasy, no? Two, because girls just won't admit to it as readily. Or so I've seen.

[yoshikuni]

Ok, I was just saying it would be interesting. No harm done...

[Innova]

I never complained about it, then again I never cared either. I was with the "gf", not them.

[bluesummer]

Ok, I was just saying it would be interesting. No harm done...

Sorry Yoshi, didn't mean to come off so harsh

I was just sorta putting in my thoughts about how it would be if the situation were turned around.....I guess it sounded a little bitchy.. My bad.