im moving, she is freaking out

[Aegis]

Thinking about it, won't splitting the cost of living to two locations, each independent, be far less cost-effective over the long run? A small loan at a decent interest rate might actually be the most monetarily-efficient way to get over the relocation-hump. Hypothetically, if there's any type of renting involved, 1 place, 1 utility bill, 1 grocery bill would seem cheaper than 2 of all the same.

I really have no information to back any of that up...it's all speculation.

[mtinlove]

wow do not marry her until you both actually move in together!!! my boyfriend and I did not live together, meaning we both had our own places but we didnt really spend time apart, BUT theres no way we would be ready for marriage. actually living together and being responsible for a place together can change things... be careful with this marriage advice...

[someonelse]

If she's going to eventually start job hunting can't she start that now? I do understand flying in for the interview would be dificult but there are plenty of companies that would be willing to do a phone interview. Also if she wants to go w/you now why not try applying to a temp agency to find her work so she can have something ready and you can go together.

[shh!]

How old are these 4 kids? Are you planning on moving them away from their father? (Probably not legal unless he has lost all rights to the kids.)

I don't think I'd be up for moving my kids away unless they were REALLY small. It is very disruptive to their lives.

[starbuck]

How old are these 4 kids? Are you planning on moving them away from their father? (Probably not legal unless he has lost all rights to the kids.)

I don't think I'd be up for moving my kids away unless they were REALLY small. It is very disruptive to their lives.

Or maybe there is more than one father.

And I think it depends on the state, but that's a very good point.

[shh!]

Ugh... you are right. I forgot we are living in the Jerry Springer generation.

[Cain]

wow do not marry her until you both actually move in together!!! my boyfriend and I did not live together, meaning we both had our own places but we didnt really spend time apart, BUT theres no way we would be ready for marriage. actually living together and being responsible for a place together can change things... be careful with this marriage advice...

I find it hard to believe she'll move 30 hours away for a bf.

[dom4400]

thanks for all of the advice and comments. just to answer a few of the questions. We are both in our mid-30's. Kids ages are 16,13,12 & 8. All 4 of the kids are hers and they only have 1 dad. She has full custody and she has permission in her divorce decree that allows her to move wherever she wants. She does not have family where we are now.

[shh!]

Oh, dude! I have teenagers, and let me tell you - there is no WAY I'd move them away from their life at the age of 16... even the 13 year old may react very adversely. It is devastating to kids to uproot them at that age. Your girlfriend has a lot to consider. I think she is right to be worried.

Can't you stay put?

[misombra]

she's not going to move.

[dom4400]

she's not going to move.

The kids grew up in a military household are familiar with moving. Im definitely not saying its an easy thing for them but they are familiar with having to relocate.

The problem is not her not wanting to move. The problem is that she is wanting to come with me NOW versus waiting a few months like I would prefer to do to save more.

There is no way I can back out of going now, I have already resigned from my current job of 13 years and I start next month at the new job.

[Only-virgins]

Meh, if he's in his twenties or thirties, then I can agree with the shock of him being with her... however, if he's in his forties, I don't see this as a problem. Just because someone has kids doesn't mean they are doomed to be alone. Maybe he actually likes those kids?

I don't see age as a relevance when picking up extra responsibilities that you shouldn't be burdened with and neither deserve.

[Cain]

I don't see age as a relevance when picking up extra responsibilities that you shouldn't be burdened with and neither deserve.

You're making it seem like she forced him to be with her. He took on those responsibilities when they started a relationship.

[Only-virgins]

You're making it seem like she forced him to be with her. He took on those responsibilities when they started a relationship.

No I don't. In-fact I said the opposite by calling him a tool. I never said she forced him. I would never date someone with kids because I feel it is a foolish thing....unless they are mine.

[Junket]

Women suck at logic.

That's a fact.