WOW! almost impossible to grasp!

[Junsui]

Sounds promising to me as well. Looks like she wants to work on the relationship or at least find out what would be best for the two of you.

[bbb]

Today is the first session as a couple. I am incredibly sick to my stomach. I've never done any type of counseling and don't know what to expect or say when I get there. It's so strange going from living w/ her for the last 9-10 years to now living separately and meeting at a counselors office! I just never would have imagined times like these :-( Incredibly sad about the grim outlook. I am so in love with this woman that it's just not reality to me most days that I could possibly have lost her for good by now. I need some serious hugs.

[Rosebud]

LOL... *hugs*

Ona different note though, she obviously ahs some things on her mind that you guys need to work on and she is willing to do that through a counselor which is a really good sing. I know you love her and with knowing that I'm sure you guys can get through this. You guys have been togheter for a long time and she's obviously not wanting to walk away from that.

[bbb]

LOL... *hugs*

Ona different note though, she obviously ahs some things on her mind that you guys need to work on and she is willing to do that through a counselor which is a really good sing. I know you love her and with knowing that I'm sure you guys can get through this. You guys have been togheter for a long time and she's obviously not wanting to walk away from that.

There wasn't any counseling, as I imagined it to be. The counselor just asked us a load of Q's about our past and why we were there. She got all the info she needed and concluded by asking "I assume you are both here because you want to work this out?" I of course said "absolutely", christy said "I'm on the fence". Then she called me this morning saying that last night was very hard on her (just thinking things over) and that she is quite bummed this morning. She wants to come over and talk this evening........I'm just a little bit nervous. I think she may suggest a separation tonight? I'm trying to prepare for this. Damn it sucks though! If that's what she's thinking of doing, there's probably not a lot I can say or do to change her mind is there?!

[Junsui]

No, there's not.

[bbb]

No, there's not.

I am thinking that as hard as this is on both of us (not knowing) that maybe the separation is a good thing? I'd like to think there's a way to work this out without it though.

[bbb]

I am thinking that as hard as this is on both of us (not knowing) that maybe the separation is a good thing? I'd like to think there's a way to work this out without it though.

It's now been 59 days of the same ol same. She still isn't sure she wants to separate, or come back together. The decision and process leading to it is very hard for not only myself, but for her as well. Would it be wiser to just agree to separate at this point? Just for our sanity at this point, if for no other reason. As a woman, is this something she may respect more from me than all the love letters and reaching for her back?
More space maybe? just to let her sort herself out, without the pressure of feeling as though she needs to report to me daily? I don't want her to think that I'd be letting go and walking away though. This is nothing that I really want to have happen. She's supposed to see her individual counselor the first of next week to discuss our couples session. Then we're supposed to (maybe) have another session together the following week.
This of course depends on what she wants to say this evening, and largely on what kinds of things her and her counselor talk about?
So I'm wondering if I should cool my jets here and wait for all that to roll out as it will? or tell her that I would agree to a separation for now?

[Rosebud]

Do you even know why she wants to seperate from you? I mean the real reason. Has she even mentioned it to you? I imagine a lot of things will come out tonight but I'm talking prior to all this stuff.

[bbb]

Do you even know why she wants to seperate from you? I mean the real reason. Has she even mentioned it to you? I imagine a lot of things will come out tonight but I'm talking prior to all this stuff.

Are you suggesting that the reasons she's presented me thus far may not be the real reasons? That maybe there is something else I should push her to give me in the way or reason why? I'm not sure wether or not you've read my previous posts leading up to this one. But in a few of those I've written the thoughts and feelings (or reasons) she's being guided by in this decision making process. One of the main reasons she's telling me the separation sounds so appealing right now is because she's not comfortable seeing me in all the pain in depression that her indecision is causing. So she feels like some kind of decision may be better than none at all?

[TAVS]

Sounds like a cop-out bbb. There's more than meets the I. I got the same excuse when my Ex moved away last May. "It's not fair to me to be in a relationship while she doesn't know what she wants and doesn't know when she will" Now she never even talks to me; last I checked we were to remain friends.

[Rosebud]

Sorry I remembered most of that but somehow forgot some key points. I think she's on the fence with all this because it's been developing in her mind for so long and the things that bothered her didn't get significantly better but worse. So with you working towards things even though it was for both of you she felt pushed even further away, which is why she may now be craving her alone time. If I was in the this situation I would keep tryint a little more just because of that window "being on the fence" and putting forth an effort to make the necessary changes and grow togehter and stronger than before. It wouldn't be easy as she has been feelign this way for awhile and changes don't ahppen over night. Hopefully she has not made up her mind on moving on.

Out of curiousity have you guys had any discussion about marriage. even with all these issues ont he table do you know where she stands int hat aspect. I know you said you guys have said you only want each other for those things and can see it but have you ever really had the serious talk about doing it? I mean that may be something too, she may feel she's ready but with you not asking her she may feel the relationship may not be going anywhere else and this is just as far as you guys can go.

[bbb]

Sorry I remembered most of that but somehow forgot some key points. I think she's on the fence with all this because it's been developing in her mind for so long and the things that bothered her didn't get significantly better but worse. So with you working towards things even though it was for both of you she felt pushed even further away, which is why she may now be craving her alone time. If I was in the this situation I would keep tryint a little more just because of that window "being on the fence" and putting forth an effort to make the necessary changes and grow togehter and stronger than before. It wouldn't be easy as she has been feelign this way for awhile and changes don't ahppen over night. Hopefully she has not made up her mind on moving on.

Out of curiousity have you guys had any discussion about marriage. even with all these issues ont he table do you know where she stands int hat aspect. I know you said you guys have said you only want each other for those things and can see it but have you ever really had the serious talk about doing it? I mean that may be something too, she may feel she's ready but with you not asking her she may feel the relationship may not be going anywhere else and this is just as far as you guys can go.

Yes and no, Yes because I've asked her (4 weeks ago) what she'd say if I asked her to marry me. Her reply was "absolutely not" she said she couldn't imagine it right then because she didn't feel %100. But just three months ago the answer would have been yes?
No because we've never really had a "serious" talk about it. The one where I imagine you'd discuss where, when, and how you'd like to do it. What I'd give to now hear her say that she's even thinking of it as a possibility

[Rosebud]

It's hard to work on all this stuff when you aren't living together anymore and not talking as often as you were. I guess you basically have to wait to talk with her tonight to find out what she wants to say.. if she does say you guys need to seperate then you'll have to go with it. But if she says.. "if these things were different" or expresses discontent with certain things that your awilling to change (both of you willing to change) then express that to her. I really wish you the best on this. I don't know what else I can tell you without knowing what she will say tonight. I would just go with your heart and say what you feel you need to say tonight.

[bbb]

It's hard to work on all this stuff when you aren't living together anymore and not talking as often as you were. I guess you basically have to wait to talk with her tonight to find out what she wants to say.. if she does say you guys need to seperate then you'll have to go with it. But if she says.. "if these things were different" or expresses discontent with certain things that your awilling to change (both of you willing to change) then express that to her. I really wish you the best on this. I don't know what else I can tell you without knowing what she will say tonight. I would just go with your heart and say what you feel you need to say tonight.

Thanks
I went home on lunch break and wrote out some frustrations I'd like to share with her on how she's contributed to this. And a few things I'd like her to know otherwise. But especially if she is going to choose to go the other direction. I am getting that sick stomach again......the closer it gets to five o'clock

[Rosebud]

Good, that always helps the thought process a little. But remember don't attack with those just add that these are also helping the negative things as well.. I think you'll be ok.. just remember to add in lots of positive things as well, you don't want her to get the idea your blaming her.