Funny Joke Thread ( version 2 ) silly, dirty, puns, whatever you like.

[Jffs24]

What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked into his office?

I can clearly see you're nuts!

[Jffs24]

Two cats are swimming across the river -- one's name is One Two Three and the other's name is Un Deux Trois.
Who makes it across?
One Two Three because Un Deux Trois cat sank.

R O F L

[megvoh]

^^^ LOL took a second to process but LOL

[megvoh]

Men are like Vacations.
They never seem to be long enough.

lol?

[Exeter19]

I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.


Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.


A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road.

A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says ''I'll serve you, but don't start anything.

and one last one for now -

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.''

[megvoh]

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.''

That one was my favorite because it's cute and funny.
This thread has some good jokes I might pinch a few and tell some friends

[megvoh]

A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and says "I hope the porn is disabled."
The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick ****."

LOL

[megvoh]

What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.

[megvoh]

Saw this on some pic online and it made me laugh.

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

[megvoh]

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Centipede.
Centipede who?
Centipede on the Christmas tree.

- - - Updated - - -

What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!

- - - Updated - - -

Who doesn't eat on Christmas? A turkey because it is always stuffed.

- - - Updated - - -

How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb? Eight! One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down!

[Jffs24]

It was Christmas Eve in at the meat counter and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one.

In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said, 'Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?'

'No, madam, 'he replied, 'they're all dead.'

[breathe123]

[dollhouse]

A tomcat was heard running up and down the alley for hours. A neighbour called his owner and asked what was happening. The owner said, 'Well, I had him fixed today, and he's going around cancelling all his engagements.'

How many cats can you put into an empty box?
Only one. After that, the box isn't empty.

[Jffs24]

Some dirtier ones, kiddies.

What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

Beat it. We’re closed.

What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cubes have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.


What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?

Beef strokin’ off.

[breathe123]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
LOL LOL @ " Beef strokin' off " LOL LOL